Hello, how are you doing? I havent been this meh for a while. My mood is negative and i feel kinda bad about it, i cant say or think any positive thing, i have zero hope that things will change for the better, it doesnt change if i dont and although i can imagine good things happening i feel like i dont have what it takes for them to happen, it all seems too difficult and i feel too old to do anything, im stuck behind “what if” all the time without the strength to change. Im tired of being like this and i want to change but there are so many layers of things i have to do in order to change that makes (make? English question) change unattainable. Im coughing since december 27 i think and its annoying me a lot, i fear i have bronchitis cuz its one of the symptons, yet i still smoke, cuz i want to get high,even when it doesnt feel that good all the time, i didnt smoke today but i want to. I feel to dumb to do anything in life, to learn things, i dont know how to do math anymore. That’s my first vent of the year