2 years ago my husband was working away from home. Long story short he joined all those nsa dating sites and hooked up. I discovered this when he was home for easter and saw the messages coming in on his phone.
I was totally devastated. Went through all of his devices and the extent of his obsession had me hit rock bottom. He had no idea that I had discovered all this and I actually took off without a word forcing him to confront the issue.
So I gave him I never again ultimation. He cut it off with her but he continued chatting online with anyone he could find. I set him up and a lot of the times it was me he was chatting with.
So he finished working away from home. Cancelled the online dating sites but spends a lot of time on tumblr now.
A month ago he was away for two days. Trawled locanto and I know he saw a prostitute. Phone records and history don't lie.
I've been through hell since this discovery. We have a very active sex life, I believe he does care for me but sometimes I wonder. Run a business together (I would have been gone 2 years ago if not for that). The private discussions he is having on tumblr are becoming really hard core and I believe really fuelling his behaviour.
He is or was my soulmate. But I can never trust him again and I just pretend I know nothing and live my life day by day. But today my thinking has changed again due to a close friend being very ill. a) Is his behaviour any different to my addiction to smoking? b) If I were to book him a prostitute i.e. for his birthday would the thrill be gone because half the buzz is from being secretive, and if I were accepting of his behaviour the thrill would be gone? I guess today life just seems to short and precious to deny anyone of what makes them happy even if its at my own sanity. Sorry for the long post. I'm so glad to finally find a group where I can vent with others going through the same thing.
Wow for one does he want to get help for this issue? OMG I would never agree to him having sex with anyone just because he enjoys it let him get help and try to work the marriage out at this point.
I just feel too overwhelmed to deal with it. I'm just a coward pretending it's not happening but seeing everything he is doing online.
Dealing with it is probably the only shot your marriage has. Because the thrill won’t ever be gone...they just find new thrills around every corner. And eventually, he will probably leave (not before he’s wrecked you completely).
I think you need some therapy...fast...to decide what you should do. I don’t think being married to an addict is something you can stick your head in the sand about and it will go away.
Dealing with it myself. It sucks! None of us wanted this for our marriages. And I’m sorry we both find ourselves in this boat.
@Baylee121 I’m sorry your going through the same. It got worse. Our friend died. His online activity got worse. I read things that made me want to puke. I could. It believe such disgusting violent thoughts could come from my husband.
I ended up making myself so sick with anxiety I confronted him. Evidently there is nothing wrong with chatting to women about explicit sex and exchanging photos. I disagreed. Said he would stop. He denied seeing anyone while he was away. I still have the proof to throw at him.
Said he’d stop the online activity. Was back on in 1 day. So I watch and I bide my time. I’m detached now. 1 word to his online friends about me and he gets kicked out!
I see it’s been awhile since your last post. I hope you have found a way to find some happiness for yourself.
It pains me to think of the level of despair you feel. I’m so sorry. Sending you love and support.
Karen, Whoever you are, you do not deserve, and shouldn’t want, a deep relationship with someone like you are describing. This is a toxic human being, a damaged one, and continued association will be nothing but pain and anxiety. There is someone out there that is deserving of you; you just haven’t found it yet. You aren’t going to find it, likely, if you continue spending any more time on this guy. If you could find a good counselor, you could get help with the reason why you might be attracted to people designed to cause you pain, and help you make better, wiser choices. Best of luck.