Ever since this passed winter, I have been suffering from HOCD and all of the issues that stem from it.
Let me say this, before I start to explain, I am not speaking from an angle that condemns homosexuality; different strokes for different folks, is what I say. But here enlies the problem for me, these intrusive homosexual thoughts are unpleasant(as all intrusive thoughts are), unrelenting and most importantly unwanted.
Recently I have met and started to date an amazing girl. She is the first girl, in seemingly forever, that I have really liked. Physically, whenever we embrace, I have no problems getting aroused by her(she is extremely beautiful...that helps). When I am around her, my anxiety and intrusive thoughts aren't as bad as when I am alone with my thoughts.
But since we aren't living together(we just met) I have many moments of panic, especially when at work and at the gym. I know that is part of the OCD trick, is to make you feel like these irrational thoughts are real, but when it hits, it is too close for my comfort to handle.
There are many triggers for this issue and the randomness of these unwanted thoughts makes it hard to manage. I am not "scared" of becoming gay, because that isn't some disease that will ruin someone's life. Again, if these thoughts were making me happy or feel excited, I wouldn't be so upset about it.
But the fact that I know I would never be curious enough to try to get with a man is making this such a difficult thing to grasp. What has made matters worse recently is that my girlfriend is staying at my place tonight and we are most likely going to have sex, for the first time since we started dating.
Hope this next line doesn't gross anyone out, but, we have had phone sex several times and it definitely achieved the desired end result.
My anxiety over this HOCD is causing me to panic. I don't want to have this get in the way of my life anymore.
Can someone respond with some sort of advice, I really need it. Thanks for reading!