9 months pregnant and alone

I'm so lost here.. I've been in a relationship with a man for 5 years and am currently 9 months pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy. We have had our problems but always seem to work it out and start seeing eachother again. He has been very old amd trating me like he doesn't care about me for pretty much the entire pregnancy. He doesn't answer my text messages, doesn't call me back when he's at work, saying he is too busy. I recently looked throug his phone and found he's been texting a girl he works with. He tells me he doesn't have time to talk to me at work, but he's been talking to this girl.. I confronted him, he said he wasn't seeing her. Then we got into our normal argument about how he doesn't text or call, how he doesn't seem to care about this pregnancy, and he said he didn't think we should be together anymore, and there was no point in trying to make it work. We have gone throug this before and we always end up back together.. This time it feels different. I can't keep allowing myself to be hurt and put on the back burner of his life. I'm pregnant with his child and I feel betrayed, heartbroken, lonely, depressed, scared and confused.. I don't understand how wewhy he wouldt want to try to work on our relationship.. We have ben throug so much. And in my head I know I should find someone who values me as a person and values me in a relationship but my heart is screaming that it's over and just wants to fix it. I don't know how to get over this. I want to be with him, the way we were but he says he can't.. He's not willing to try.. I don't know what to do. I'm dying inside.

Oh sweetie,
I feel so much for you right now, you are coming up to the most exciting point in your life with a lot of hurt and disappointment.

I don't want to come off really mean about a man you care about, but what he is doing is really ridiculous and inconsiderate...you are carrying his baby...he should be at least sensitive to that.

I know you don't want to face it right now, but your relationship could be over, although you say you've gone through this before. I know that seems awful right now, but that could be the best thing for you with this new little life coming into the world you don't need the stress of making an impossible relationship work.

You need stability, because it's not just the two of you anymore it's three...so I think you both have some huge decisions to make. Don't settle for this "half-baked" on again off again relationship, you deserve and could easily get a man who's on -full stop. So if you believe that's all you are ever going to get from him, my advice would be to seriously consider is that all you feel you are worth?...I think you feel you are worth more than that...a lot more.

I would also go and spend the remainder of your pregnancy around friends and family, people who can give you the security and love you require at this time. You are about to be a mummy and that is just so exciting...and although it is surrounded by a little bit of sadness...I am so happy for you.

Please take time, to focus on yourself, think and make a decision, for you and your happiness...this is your life and your family...he doesn't get to play any more games.

I will say a prayer for you.

Much love to you - Mum to be

Moongal x

Hey there,

I know that you say you're dying inside, but you also have a wonderful little life inside. I know its really hard for you right now because your heart is in so much pain. You have to really try to keep your head up. You should probably do what Moongal suggests and surround yourself with supportive and loving people right now. That's really what you and your baby need.

Hang in there. We're here to support you. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

I know you dont want to hear this, if this man is treating you this way then its better that hes not around you & your unborn child for in the future he will surely continue this type of pattern unless he realizes what hes doing. Your on the right site to help learn how to deal w/this type of treatment/behavior from another person & I too am sorry to keep seeing us women being treated that way & it should only really teach us that we have to learn how to stand up for ourselves & teach others how we want to be treated, just a thought.

Please keep talking it out & we're all here for you cause this really hurts to say the least.

Take care of you & your unborn baby they sense everything going on.......

April

Hi Anymlkrakr, I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is such a bittersweet time for you as you are going through the end of one period of your life and beginning a new beautiful journey...that of motherhood. I am so happy for your and your upcoming joy, though I can only imagine the pain that your heart feels and I wish that I could make it go away so that you could truly enjoy this time in your life. This man is so incredibly selfish and really doesn't deserve you and your child in his life. I am hoping that he does take responsibility for his child and helps in a way that is comfortable for you. But, you can and will build such a wonderfully positive and fulfilling life for yourself and your child without this man. If he does not see how truly fortunate he is with you in his life, then you are so much better off without him. I think that you know in your heart that it's over and it's time to move on to a beautiful new beginning for you and your child.

Please know that we are here to support you in any way that we can. Sending you tons and tons of good happy positive energy and keeping you in my prayers. I know that you will have so much love, happiness and fulfillment in your life.

I really sorry to hear what your going through. Ive been there some what. Keep the faith and know the the person who is truly yours is that little person growing inside of you. My oldest daughter has been the longest unconditional love I have experenced in my life. She just turned 30. If you believe in a power greater than yourself ask that power (I call God) to help you. I have found that always works. It may not work the way I think it should but in the long run it is always the best when I look back. God Bless You and your Baby Stay strong your worth it......

sweet heart you just told my story! i got pregnant by this guy whom i thought i loved. but when i came up pregnant he wanted me to have an abortion. actually, alot of people did. but, i decided to keep my daughter. he wasn't there for any appointments, didn't help me with any clothes, diapers, nothing. then when i had her, i called him and told him that i was in the hospital, and he told me to call him later! i was soooooo hurt. he didn't even come up to the hospital to see her. instead he told me that he wanted a dna test. i was so hurt. i filed the papers and the child support papers too. when the test came back, he didn't even apologize for having us go through all of this. now he is mad that they are taking money out of his checks. but besides all of that, my baby and i are ok. what iam trying to say is that you are hitting a special point in your life and with or without him, you will be ok. yes it hurts and at this time we all would want our partners to be there. but it's his lost,not yours. and if he didn't want a baby, he should of worn some protection or sat down and told you how he felt. god puts us in situation to see how we would handle them. it's time for you to move on for the sake of your child and yourself. you can get through this.

dear amy I hope you are feeling better today. Life is not east but If we can take the pain to become better and stronger people well its worth it. My heart has been broken during both my pregnancies. Today I'm not with either father but I am with a wonderful man who has accepted my children as his ow from the get go.
He doesn't have children of his own. We have been married for 12 years now. I look back and realize that my holding on to unhealthy relationships was something that I had to work through. It wasn't easy but I got alot of support to see why I was doing what I was doing. One good saying I heard was "Let go or be dragged" I needed to let go. Have faith take it one day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time. I will pray for you. Peace sister.......

Domorgan, great way that you heard that saying, I like it, hope others read......

April

Wow Domorgan018, thank you so much for sharing your story and wonderful advice, as it really pertains to so many of us. And, "Let go or be dragged" is absolutely brilliant! Thank you again.

..

I know how you feel sweetheart, the same thing happend to me. It's so so hard, I know but you have to pull through for yourself and your baby. He should be there for you and the baby and if he's not then its time to let him go. I know at this time it feels like a million things are going through your mind but just slow down and take it one day at a time. If you need anything, just let me know.

Get out now:^) Do it for you and your baby.....you can find someone who will love and cherish the both of you. You are not married, right?

I wish you the best and stay strong and relaxed....you are pregnant and you do not need to be stressed out.

When you take that first look at your baby....I think the right decision will appear:^) Babies have that impact on us:^) You are so blessed and protect you and your baby....love you and your baby...put you two first.

Much love,
Julie

i feel you 100% my husband left me and my our four children christmas day. i am seven months pregnant. I am sick. sometimes i ask myself is it worth going another day. i know that my kids need me so i'm not going to do anything stupid, i just feel so bad right now. I wish I could help you but I can't help myself. you just told my story, nothing to add or delete this is one of the most awful times a person could go through. i'm so sad. i really dont think this website is going to help me. I am and this is hopeless. Peace

Hi Sanjohn1122, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, but a man who would walk out on his family is not a man worth fighting for or thinking about. I know that this time feels hopeless, but I promise you that there is so much hope for a beautiful and brilliant future. Only time will help you heal and get through this time, also your beautiful children and pending joy of a new baby.

Do you have family and friends nearby for help and support? Please know that you are not alone, we are here to help support you in any way that we can.

Hi. I am really sorry, but it does sound like you are better off without!
I feel exactly the same as you, but I'm the one who just said to go our separate ways - he was ignoring me, not paying me attention etc too.

You do deserve so much better and so does your little one. It will hurt at the beginning but try and rise above that for the sake of your little one. Focus on him, and the joy he will give you in the very near future - far more than any man!!

You are about to be a Mummy and that is amazing - enjoy it :)

Anymlkrakr, how are you doing and feeling now? Thinking of you and praying for you. Hope to hear from you.

Isn't it amazing how we can find bionic-woman, superhuman strength to do everything for everybody else, all in the name of love?
We raise our kids, stand by our men, support our girlfriend when she gets her heart broken, feed the hungry, sing in the choir, and let's not forget the PTA! Yet we stand behind our designer masks of Gucci, Prada, Versace, Louis as though all is well in our world, when in fact the truth is we're "tore-up from the floor-up!" Yet we continually pour out our hearts, our emotions and our strength, until the well of our very spirit is totally depleted!
Although we are guilty of subjecting ourselves to this self-inflicted sickness, we must remember that we have been given freedom of choice! When you finally understand that you can't truly love anyone else until you learn to love yourself, then you can start making the "me" choice--not to the exclusion of others, but to the inclusion of yourself! The best thing you can bring to the 'hood, be it motherhood, sisterhood or whatever 'hood you find yourself in, is a whole and happy you. Sistah-girl, you need to understand that you were "... fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalms 139:14).
Before any manufacturer actually makes a product, it has purpose before it reaches the assembly line. Honey, you were made on purpose, with purpose, and for a purpose! Purpose begins with a thought. "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome" (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP).
What an awesome expression of love--just for you! Yes, you, who had a baby out of wedlock and you feel your life is over. You, who has just been through a divorce and your self-esteem has been flushed down the toilet! And yes, you too, Sister, you who are feeling trapped in that verbally or physically abusive relationship. Maybe it's an addiction that torments you, or perhaps you stayed in a relationship way past the expiration date and it has become toxic.
God has love for you and dreams for you with no expiration date. He has hope for you, joy for you, peace for you, success for you. "For me?" you may ask. "Then why am I not experiencing this in my life?" You just read about the blueprint that God has for your life, so it is time to look into the mirror of your life and ask yourself some questions about what you see. It is important to be truthful in your self-assessment, because the truth will set you free.
Are there things in your life separating you, hindering you and plain old blocking the flow of God's blessings? If so, then it's time to rotor-rooter that stuff out of your life. What about that negative crowd you're hangin' out with? Listen, if there's anyone around you who doesn't add to you and your well-being or contribute to you becoming the awesome person that God has ordained you to be, then they have GOT to GO! If they don't add "to" you, they subtract "from" you and must be removed from your life. Love is patient; love is kind and long-suffering. Love does not knock you up side your head or give you a black eye. If your man hits you, it ain't love. If your man tears down everything you try to build up, it ain't love. If your man tries to separate you from your friends and your family, it ain't love.
It is time, to stand up and take back everything that has been stolen from you. It's time to gather up all the broken pieces of your life and make this your declaration, your song, your anthem: "I Love Me Better Than That!" Better than anything that hinders me from being my very best self. I'm going to get my life back! I know I've made mistakes, but it's never too late. I want my joy back, I want my peace back, I want my strength back! I want my mind back, my self-esteem back, I want my keys back! I want my hope back, I want my dreams back, so don't you come back! 'Cause I LOVE ME BETTER THAN THAT!
So how do you love you? Now is the time because your baby will need you to be all that you can be.