A baby is born with a need to be loved and never outgrows it

a baby is born with a need to be loved and never outgrows it.
frank a. clark
food = love. food = being social. food = full.
food = too much. food = hurtful.

yikes! how do we get from needing love to having all that so intertwined with food? needing love...or acceptance...or a *place*...or divinity...or i don't even know.

christmas is such a shaky time of year- not just for me or for you- but for everyone.... so emotional- and such a roller coaster. fun with presents and prep work and visiting.... and then memories can crash that party... plus food is such a big deal around the holidays. and you can't control A THING that other people say... sigh.

i'm offline for while. crashed my laptop. so although i haven't been around- and won't be around much- i'm thinking of everyone.... and of the joys and struggles of the holidays. i won't beg any of you to get over it all and just have fun. i personally know that is sometimes just not possible. please try to just BE.

i am trying to BE this holiday season... be in the moment, feel what i need to feel, and move on.... and by just BEing, i am hoping to wrap a little of that love that i KNOW i have for others... around myself for a change.

i love my sisterhood.
happy holidays.
amy xoxo

Amy, your truths always inspire me. I love " i am hoping to wrap a little of that love that i KNOW i have for others... around myself for a change". Its very true. We show so much compassion and sympathy towards others but often forget about ouraelves.
You WILL just be this holiday season, I wish you a happy and healthy time <3

Thank you dear friend...Amy....ahh, the Holiday, Merry Merry Jolly Santa time. Really?
Even with full recovery and a life full of much more joy and love than I ever could have dreamed, the Holidays hold moments of sadness and pain. I do love buying gifts and celebrating with 'certain' family and friends, but there is an underlying stress, sadness and exhaustion. I am thankful that food and eating are no longer a part of any of the stress, and I can be in the moment and enjoy parts of the celebration.
Yet...I think the world presents a sort of expectation on everyone that can never be met.
Much of this time of year is happy for me, but the memories of Christmas' past are hard...I was too sick to be fully 'present' for my boys. I cannot change that. I tried to buy them enough to make up for a Mother who could barely walk. I do not dwell on these things, but they do come up for me, and the tragic death of my son Tim, and the 'what ifs' get louder at this time of year. I think it's just part of the 'human condition' (that's for you Amy!).
What's the answer? For me, I stay in the moment, listen closely to the people around me, and remember the true 'reason for the season', and that without Him, I would not be here.
Wishing you all a Joyous Holiday and a Prosperous New Year!!
Jan ♥

Amy: What a wonderful message! Best of everything to you and your family this Christmas season. I think of you often, and you are always in my prayers.

supportive gina, jan, and molly---
your responses are warm and welcomed.
i'm trying, gina... to offer myself a bit of that compassion that i know i have for every other living being.
and jan... staying present- uuugh. just so difficult. practice, practice, practice... thank you for sharing your insights- they are sweet little seeds that will take root and blossom for me.
and molly- thank you. just THANK YOU. i feel you with me, my sis.

i'm at the library now- kids are sitting directly across from me playing on the kids' computers. i l-o-v-e christmas break and that treasured quality time with my babies.

without my *outlet* of writing, i have been trying to journal by hand--- holy hell, it's about impossible for my hand to keep up with the lightening speed at which my thoughts tumble... it's just not the same, though. without this computer *outlet*, i feel full. full of emotion, of memories, of struggles, of of of of ... who knows.... writing is a true way of saving myself, presently. without it, the heaviness of the lack of release is as painful as it is confusing.

thank you to all those reading. i feel it whether you respond or not... :)

much love to my supportive sisterhood...
amy xoxo

I'm so glad to hear your creative thoughts are spilling out if you :) I'm glad you also get to spend some time with ur babies, lifes most precious moments are the memories we create today xoxo

namaste, sweet gina...
creative thoughts??? i don't know about that- just a lot of DUMPING! i *hear* things in my mind more directly now- they are naked and exposed and un-ignorable. the weight that this creates is sometimes simply unbearable. so i write and write and write some more, attempting to get a little relief from said heaviness.....
thank you, cyber-sister, for your warm responses and attentiveness.
namaste, again, gina...
amy xoxo

In Lieu of a tangible Christmas Card…
Happy Christmas…I so wish for you. Thank you for being so sweet to me this year.
I’m in San Francisco… kinda by myself…somehow my ED hasn’t followed me.
Anyway…lots of light…

Hi Amy!
I am relatively new to this board, wondering if you would want to read the two posts I tried to write about my orthorexia... :) For some reason, I felt this urge to ask you if you'd like to look at them as something in your picture reminds me of myself in the past, I could be wrong, I don't know...
Also, happy holidays! I have few expectations of this holiday, so I'm not too stressed, but I am so happy to see everyone on here and that they are still typing away this close to the holiday! I feel very close as well to everyone on here! :)

From what I understand, Amy has limited access to her computer, so dont be discouraged if you do not get a reply right away ♥


Amy, you lovely heart and soul!
thank you for this inspiring and very true post! JUST BE, i shall try that although i think i still have to define for mysef what that means as it's simply something i haven't done since i was a kid myself, i guess.

but as to you doubting your creativity! have you ever read your own words??? they are like a beautiful and colorful picture in letters! so yes, you are absolutely creative :-)

love ya, and merry xmas!!