A bit of sweet after a bitter week

Anyone who has been in recovery from an eating disorder knows that it is the most difficult thing or at least one of the most difficultthings you will ever do. I got myself into treatment and while i am glad that i am here that does not by any means make it easy! In fact it hasn't even been that pleasant. It is emotionally and physically exhausting. Every meal is painful and frightening and uncomfortable. My stomach kills me.
However I'm looking at the positives. I have two wonderful and sweet roommates who I have started to talk to more and it is great to have understanding peers. The environment is encouraging and very positive and the adults in the php group Are absolutely incredible. My first two weeks I felt like a failure because I had to be residential but I am trying to change my mindset and acknowledge that it is good for me to be here!
So anyways, today I had a nice little moment amidst tears and pain. For my afternoon snack

I was given a warm delight which is basically a little warm cake thing with a big scoop of ice cream. My first react was " oh no!" but I took a bite. It tasted great. I ate all of it like I'm supposed to. However after I had finished, instead of tue usual immense guilt and stress i felt good! I ate something that tastes good and that's all there was to it. I continued on and had a good rest of the day. So there was a little smile and a glimmer of hope for the day. I will take what I can get!!
Best wishes to everyone... Never give up!!
Cc

CC...you are amazing!! Thank you for sharing...no room for shame or guilt....good for you!! ♥

CC

I know how difficult it is ..but after you come through this you will be so strong and be able to start living more.I did 5 weeks outpatient treatment and the first day was extremely difficult I cried through my dinner.I was away from my kids...It all hit me that after severly restricting I was afraid to eat a full meal.I was not used to eating that much which was normal and feeling uncomfortably full.I don't regret going for treatment.
This may be the most difficult thing you ever do in your life but in the end very rewarding.Im proud of you for getting yourself this far...you deserve to be free of the chains of this disease.

LOVE

i am so proud of you! recovery is the hardest thing an ED sufferer can go through--but coming out of ED is the best!getting your life back, getting control back, living again, tasting again, is awesome! and so glad you liked your cake!

sounds good to me! i want one!

thinking of you always

love
maureen

CC,

You're right; recovery is hard... I love what Grace said about how rewarding this work will be. ♥ It's certainly not comfortable or pleasant... ;0) But the pain will ease... Old patterns of behavior will be replaced with new. And old ways of thinking will be replaced with insight and clarity. :)

You're doing the work. Hang in there, friend. ♥

Love,

Jen