A blurry line

Hi all - so I need some feedback. here I sit - on the recovery rollercoaster of unhappiness. Okay - its not always that bad - just sometimes.

I am out of love with my therapist. I feel like I go twice a week, get weighed, talk about bullshit - and yet - never get to anything of how to deal. Not what I can do - not how I can recreate ideas and obsessive thoughts. I want a divorce and new relationship - but am I just experiencing a normal discontent? Like the 7 year itch in marriage. Just FYI - BTW - I haven't had that...but heard it happens:)

And then there is my stomach and the weight gain. So I am in this perplexing dilemna. My medications have all shifted, causing stomach issues, fluid retention and general malaise. This is compounded by my gaining weight. I am adjusting to the weight gain - but the other things are tough. And I am struggling b/c for health - and energy - I believe certain things about detoxing, etc. However, for me - that is a dangerous place. I do not believe in classic medications for the most part - and I should have listened to my gut - but I didn't and now I want their disasterous effects gone. Don't get me wrong - I am not binging. Not seeking to purge - except purge this waste of wrong medication out. I want my energy back and my mood uplifted. I want to be happy and keep heading down this road of recovery - but I feel trapped. I feel trapped because I do not listen to or believe Western medicine in many instances - and I want desperately to heal - but I want to find a way that is in harmony with my beliefs and I am stuck. Any thoughts?

I am not even sure if this makes sense. But seriously - my language is yoga and running for a bad mood. Tea and lemon and homeopathy for anxiety. And a raw diet for my daughter instead of stomach medication. is there help for me? Anyone?

Desperate for some answers. xoxox

I know how to feels when you want to avoid medication at all costs. But the thing about this medication as just like with exercise and yoga, it is proven to stablise mood in a safe way.

It is not a toxin you are stuffing into your system, so maybe trying to work away from the guilt you feel about these tablets and realise the good they are actually doing you. You should continue of course to do exerices and yoga to maintain your physical and mental health and hopefully you will be able to lower dosages until you are completely off them eventually.

But please realise at the moment that you are really in the midst of getting better, so it's so important to continue with the medication until you've resolved your issues.

Somedays i hate that I'm putting anti-depressants in my system, as I love to exercise and know the great benefits that come from it, but then I think of how much I am benefitting from them. I look forward to the day when I have gotten my balance in life and my ED is under control and hopefully my doctor will advise me off them, but until then I will do best by me, my family and friends and stick with it.

In regard to your therapist, that happened to me too at times. Sometimes I found it good, if something sprung to mind during the week, to write it down and to discuss it during the sessions.

I hope this has given you some help.

Stay well, you are on the right track.

Warmest Wishes
Moongal x

Hi there. Thanks for your sweet, encouraging resonse. And while I mostly agree - I don't totally. The anti-depressants gave me a severe allergic reaction - with suicidal thoughts - so I am no longer a candidate for them. Somedays I wish I were and they worked for me like everyone I hear about. But they make me crazier then not:)

The meds are other ones for hormones, etc. I really did a number on my body. And now- I am paying for it. Really. Gotta love self-hate. Did wonders for me@

Hi there: Do you think withdrawing from the anti-depressants might be causing some of the distress? And I know you had started back on the other drug (the hormonal one) so is that causing any of these issues? Particularlty the weight gain and bloating, which are classic symtoms of the pill. Not that that provides you any relief but maybe an explanation?
I know you would love to just go back to all natural, all raw and nothing artificial in your diet and medication. I would love it if you could do that because that seems to be where you are most comfortable mentally and where you feel the best physically,
Taking yourself off anti-depressants can be a bit troubling; did you see a doctor to get off those? You might want to schedule a visit with a doctor to see how your body is adjusting to the pill also

I know, more damned doctor appts. And I understand about your therapist. Sometimes, we just want them to tell us what to do to get over it! But then again if there were a prescribed method of getting over it, none of us would have to pay a therapist, right? We would just do it.

I wrote to Amy I think yesterday that I am just sick of myself, sick of being obsessed with my weight, what I eat and how much I run. Period. and Simply. No need for further analysis, I just want to be done. Maybe that's where we need to be to actually change. Having said that, the change part is really tough, from what I have read from Jen and others.

Don't hate yourself; just take a deep breath and try to tackle one thing at a time to get your body straightened out. It's amazing how complex the body is; so many things impact and affect how we feel.

So there's a long bunch of useless advice.... but I am thinking of you and praying that things start to feel better for you.

Love to you!

Change is tough. :slight_smile: But rewarding and possible and enriching in sooo many ways!! Keep fighting, soldier friend! :heart:

Love ya,


Not useless advice Molly...and I agree with most all that has been suggested. For me, the recovery process meant asking for help, doing what 'felt' wrong, and trusting in what I could not see (faith), along with many other things. I think it's important not to make changes with medication too fast, or to change your recovery plan without the advice or support of your therapist.
What I have learned, is that any type of eating plan, that is restrictive in any way, may be a precursor for a relapse. Those rules got me every time. Just my experience.
Time....so hard to wait...
I think it's important to talk to your therapist about how you feel, and if you doubt that you are making progress. Tell her what you need, and if you don't think you are getting the help you need to develop the tools you must have to recover, then you may need to seek a different therapist. But I agree too, that there are times when it seems like recovery is stagnant, but you may actually be maturing in ways that are not so obvious.
Take care, and thanks for sharing....Jan

Oh sori hun about my mix up with your meds. But what is important is that you are on the road to recovery.

Ask your doctor, will the side effects of this medication change as this could just be the initial stages.

What is important is that you are making the changes needed to get better and you should be so proud of yourself for taking those steps...keep those thoughts with you on the rougher days.

Talk to your therapist about what you need from them, you may be able to break down your long term goal into smaller goals and work out topics that you feel really have had a impact on you.

Sending you warm and positive thoughts
Best Wishes
Moongal x