for the many who don't me a little back story....my illness started in 2005 got worse as the yrs pasted. 2008 moved my mom down from up north to care for her/daddy was in soldiers home with advanced alziemers. 2009 the pain was getting real and relied on meds to get me thru hated lots of doctors and had mom to care for. oct 09 almost died (sleep issues, stress related) strings of tests docs. by mar 10 it was so bad i began another string of docs/surgical procedures. returning home from one in apr 10 found mom dead from suicide. and more tests and procedures jul 10 daddy passed away and as a result of my illness was unable to see him (his death was iminet within 24-48hrs) nor go to services. by aug 10 i was 99% bedridden. jan 11 with a change of meds was able to go to daily mass for about 3 weeks and had been bedridden again 99% since until my surgery april 29. as you can imagine i had been quite desperate and suicidal for many days during the past year. happy to report not there since the surgery. but as the prognosis won't really be known for many months the days following it were the most darkest dark night of the soul i have ever experienced, emotionally bankrupt, physically unable to move much, lost, scared and felt like i was drowning within myself. i realized that on top of all else i was mourning the loss of "me" who i was b4 the illness. and the husband picked that time to really kick up the drinking and letting my daughter care for me (she has many issues bipolar,bpd,ptsd,self harmer) god bless him he lives in a dream world and figured ok plug her in(neurostimulator implants) she's fixed and life goes back to normal. there's much more to the story but did'nt want to write a novel, just an update to those who have been asking about me and for those who don't know me....maybe we can be friends to. thanks to all for your support .....i'd rather be the supporter than the supportee(pride perhaps) if any comments left here, will get back as soon as i can.....my days are up and down and all around.....much love to you all
Dear Kathy, Thank you so much for the update as I know people have been wondering how you are!! I'm sorry it's been so dang hard! Gosh, I totally understand the struggle you endure.
I was wondering if you could tell us what your illness is? You are always so great at supporting other people that you don't tell us much about your struggles!! :)
I'm so SO happy to see you! I love hearing about you and I'm, sure others do too!!
Have the doctors said what you should expect the outcome of this surgery should be? Please know that the prayers continue every day!
Great big hugs, Suzee
see the other post for more info suzee but the illness…icky work is nerve damage dabilitating (spelling?) as you know. actually it can run from absolute nothing or getting most of my life back and anywhere inbetween…just need time. thanks suzee and back at ya hun
Dear Kathy - Thank you for the update. I want you to know that I will check on you every day, more than once and I will read your messages carefully and with love. Please know that, as I have learned, you are never alone here and people do care.
Hugs and love - Ellen
thank you honey for reading …you are never alone on this site and oh yes ellen they do care very much. oodles of love to be had here. i’ll be about as i’m able honey and thank you again so much, your such a dear.
Hi Ellen, I'm very, very glad that you now feel, like you are never alone!! YAY!! I've really enjoyed reading your posts and my heart is with you through all the challenges. You are such a sweet person and I'm sure Miss Kathy and everyone else, agrees!! Thank you for being here!!
Sending thankful hugs, Suzee
yes miss suzee, miss kathy agrees…oh ya make me sound like a southern belle. where’s rhett butler and tara i’m in!!!
special hugs to our ellen to!!! your so sweet honey
Thank you both very much. When you start to face all of your demons and then a fewmore arrive it gets very scary and lonely. Since landing here, i know that someone will listen and will understand. I am still completely in the dark when it comes to how to handle the many things but with help, I know i can. Thank you Kathy, Suzee and all of you wonderful people!
MayGod bless us all and may we all remember that we are SURVIVORS!
ellen honey thank you sweetheart for being here with us. we will all pitch in and help each other thru what ever we have to get thru. yeah honey facing the demons and then somemore arrive i know what ya mean. you share anything you like when feel the need/want we'll be here. survivors, isn't that in itself a miracle, we are able to talk to others who have been or are going thru similar situations.
and yes ellen god bless us all!!!