A Long Road

I became depressed/anxious for the first time when I graduated high school in 2001...I remember wondering what would happen if I drove my car into a telephone pole...i wondered, who would come to my funeral, would my mother think "i should have helped her sooner." Regardless, i have tried many psych meds on the market; Effexor, Lexapro, Zoloft, Remeron, Abilify, Seroquel, Klonopin. The Abilify and Seroquel didnt work because I am not Bipolar...I am depressed and in a constant state of generalized anxiety...i am currently on Prestique and klonopin prn...It seems that the antidepressants will work for a year or two and then time to switch to a new one....i just want to fell better...permanantly. Why am I like this? I blame it on my mother! She is a heroin addict and i had a HORRIBLE childhood....is that the reason I am constantly depressed/anxious? Im just tired...tired of feeling like this. I want to be better, but I dont know what else to do...

I am sorry Jess... I wish that things were different for you while growing up. The sad reality is that its not and there is this constant struggle to make things right and each time it fails, we have that horrible childhood to blame on.

It took me a long while to realise that understanding the root cause of the problem does not entirely solve the problem. I wish that it was all it took but life isnt that easy for us. That knowledge, if not used wisely would only hinder our growth. With that knowledge we have to learn to let go. Letting go is never easy. I cringe when someone tells me to let go. It seems that it could be done in a second. It a whole long process and that comes with preserverance and pain. Lots of tears and struggle and moments that you think that you will never make it out of it alive. Also the grief that you have lost your childhood. Thats a whole long list that you have to deal with. Its like making amends for something you never did. But i believe that there is a gift for you at the end of the road to recovery. Its something that you can look forward to.

You have a story to tell Jess. Get through this and tell your story to those who are going through what you are going through. You have been there and still going through it. No one knows the feelings better than you do...

Im with you on this. You are not alone ok? Post soon.

hi jess

yes the journey is long and often painful, its slow and sometimes hurtful but the rewards will renew u and make u whole.

please take your time and post whatever is making u feel down at the moment or soemthing u want to get of your chest.

as always

loving thoughts and positive vibes

its weird...i feel like i know what i need to do to get out of this place im in...i have tried before and failed each time. then i try again and fail again. will it ever end?

u will get out

it will be sucessful

we are all here waiting to pull u out of the well of dispair, u can do it just one rung at the time and u will reach the top,

but dont forget we all need to rest along the journey to look around and see how far we have climbed and the different view as we asend

as always

loving thoughts and positive vibes

yea Jess...we will get out. Its like one step forward and two steps back. Thats alright. we will preservere and we will get there.

Be kind to you...