One thing that all of my male friends have told me is that the sexiest thing a woman can wear is confidence, and I truly believe that. They told me that it's a turn off when a woman has low self-esteem. And, I know that all of my female friends feel the same way about men; confidence always wins them over. Here is a great article covering just this;
"A person's level of self-esteem often has a direct effect on dating relationships. This is due to the positive or negative aura which is connected to self-esteem. Positive projections tend to enhance a relationship, but negative behavior tends to have the opposite effect.
By definition self-esteem is the opinion a person has of themselves. High self-esteem means a person values themselves as an individual. Conversely, someone with low self-esteem doesn't think too highly of who they are and perceives a faulty self-image.
The ways low self-esteem impacts a relationship are vast and can have many long lasting repercussions because these issues of self-respect are projected visibly to partners. Reasons rooted in self-worth issues are typically the source which feeds the problems caused by low self-esteem in relationships.
Here are some of the many ways low self-esteem can affect relationships:
*Communication and Trust Elements
A person with poor self-esteem likely will exhibit an inability to communicate, and since this is one of the foundational elements needed for a healthy relationship, this is a problematic effect. If communication isn't flowing two-way, problems in the partnership are ultimately going to emerge.
Those with self-esteem issues may act irrationally, aggressive, or argumentative and hurt communication through these combative tendencies. On the other end of the spectrum a person dealing with low self-esteem can become withdrawn and isolated from the important people in their life. Either direction leads to eventual communication problems.
Additionally, some people with self-worth issues tend to have problems trusting others and this is the other foundational element needed for a strong relationship. Without trust and solid communication, a relationship is likely going to turn sour at some point because the grounding elements that solidify a partnership are lacking. It is not uncommon for someone feeling low self-worth to experience worries and concerns about their partner.
All of these rudiments also frequently lead to intimacy problems, which can be another problematic effect for relationships.
*Negative Attitude
Negativity is another of the most common results of low self-esteem. A person who sees little worth in themselves is likely to begin to put other aspects of life in a pessimistic or depressing light. How does this affect a dating relationship? It's typically tiring on the person listening to constant put-downs.
People who exhibit low self-esteem tend to continuously act in a negative fashion towards themselves, and over a period of time this can wear down a partner. This exhaustion from negativity can lead to problems in the relationship or, in some cases, eventually lead to end the partnership.
A partner who is continuously subjected to dismal outlooks is going to begin to feel down and look unenthusiastically on the relationship. A loved one doesn't want to continuously hear questions such as "Do I look good?" only to be met with a disagreement if the question is answered positively by the other mate.
If these kinds of scenarios are a frequent repeat performance, after a while this routine is wearisome and the partner often feels their opinion is not being considered since they are always met with combative answers such as "No, I don't look nice" or "I look terrible". As a result they'll begin to feel their opinion is worthless because it's never accepted at face value.
Negativity doesn't only have to be focused on self-deprecation, it can emerge in the perception towards others (those with esteem issues sometimes tend to put others down in the pursuit of boosting their own appearance), or just a general dismal outlook on life. These kinds of patterns can trickle into other aspects of the relationship.
*Destructive Behavior
People with low opinions of themselves tend to feel they don't deserve happiness and often subconsciously (or perhaps in some cases consciously) seek out destructive relationships. Poor judgment is often exercised in choosing a mate and these kinds of relationships can be disastrous.
Someone with self-worth issues frequently create a pattern of quick fixes in order to feel good. These could be a string of one night stands which use sex as a way to make someone 'like' them, but usually ends up having the opposite effect due to low self-projection.
Another way self-esteem contributes to dating is a cycle of bad relationships emerges, or unfortunately, abuse. For instance, person who projects low self-worth can often kick the door wide open to be taken advantage of by an abusive person because of their inability to believe they deserve to be treated well and they willingly accept abuse, neglect and mistreatment from their partner.
Those afflicted by low self-esteem also have a tendency to avoid good relationships because they can't function in a healthy relationship. People who lack confidence and that sense of self-worth often have difficulty functioning in a wholesome relationship because they don't feel they deserve, or are worthy, to receive compliments, good treatment or respect.
Even if a person doesn't outwardly display their poor opinion of themselves, it can manifest in other ways which impact dating relationships. In essence, a person's view of themselves impacts their ability to love, accept and have faith in who they are. When a perspective of oneself comes with a low opinion, this assessment trickles into relationships with others.
In order for a relationship to be good a person has to like themselves. If they aren't good to themselves, they can't be good with someone else because it takes two fulfilled people for a relationship to succeed.
Getting over low self-esteem takes a lot of hard work because many of the issues relating to low opinions of oneself are often deep rooted in nature. However with tenacity, resilience and patience, a relationship can work through these issues."
Source: Helium, by Leigh Goessl