A Tortured Soul

Mental Health Anxiety & Panic Disorders
1

A friend told me that he was talking to another one of our friends about me, and this person said that I was, and would always be, "a tortured soul".

It wasn't offensive so much as it was true, and that everyone could see it. And it scares the **** out of me to think that I will live my life as a tortured soul.

I've always been like this. I've been scared ****less of death since a young age, plagued and conscious of the complexities of life too young, too depressed too often, and constantly with **** on my mind.

I look back and I've definitely had some fun times in life. But too much of what I know is just me being brought down by life. Uncomfortable in social situations, scared ****less to go out too much, unsure of how to act around a crowd, and needing love and investment in my life os much that I am oversensitive, and drive those around me away too fast. I once secretly read an email between friends where they confessed that I was "constantly draining". To me I always have a weight on my heart and need someone to listen, and to care about me.

I have tried so hard to let it go, to be carefree, to be active and social and enjoy life. But I am always reminded in my the back of my mind that I am inevitably a tortured soul, that I will continue to live, and will die, as someone who was weighed and chained down in their soul their entire life.

This invokes my anxiety and freaks the **** out of me to where I am hidden and kept inside, reinforcing my biggest fears.

2

Sterling,

A lot of your statements describe me to a tee. I suppose I could also be labeled as a tortured soul, as many of us visiting these pages could. But anxiety and depression, such as you describe ARE treatable... Just because your life is torturing you NOW, doesn't mean that HAS to be the case ALWAYS... Have you looked into therapy? Medication? I'm working both, and I'm grateful for small changes. ♥

Jen

3

sterling what you have shared also explains me..i also feel like a tortured soul not sure how to socialize...needing love and investment in my life so much that i too am oversensitive. Trust was lost and taken from so many and now I tend to avoid and isolate because I dont trust anyone been hurt too often.
I understand and see things that others cant seem to see or understand . Afraid to be carefree and i have tried and i push myself in social settings but it does not come naturally. Afraid i too will die a tortured soul. Fall into a cycle of depression and pain. craving to be loved and hugged but afraid to be touched. I want to live my life free of it all but am afraid I am stuck and cant move past it.

Thanks so much for sharing and helping me feel less alone livivng with these feelings inside.

hugs
AG