A wannabe

Well here goes nothing.

I am failing at this recovery deal miserably. Of course it doesn't help that i have recieved no medical help for my ED (ever) and no help for my bipolar in about a year.
Everytime i've had problems with the ed (for exsample) when my bulimia got too bad ... i would finally tell my bf and he would watch me like a hawk until i stopped. then i would stop....and then a month maybe two would go by....and boom im b/p again...fasting...laxatives..worrying about which diet pills to buy.

when my anorexia got too bad to the point where eating wasn't even possible... my bf sat there with me and i had to teach myself to eat all over again. on my own of course.

the whole not ever getting help for my eds really pisses me off to be honest with you. it makes me think i'm too fat to have ever had a ed.. or that i just dont have one.
hell maybe i'm a "wannabe"?

idk i've displayed signs and symptoms for 9 years for both aanorexia/// bulimia. (on and off)

now i'm back. sitting here. hungry.

i havent b/p for a week or so. i stopped immediatly becuase i threw up blood and my chest started aching and got all sore like i was having a heart attack. so needless to say... that scared the **** outta me.

idk... do i belong here? do i need help? ah. idk.

-------frog

You do belong here. You have an eating disorder and an eating disorder is never just about weight. Like for me, though in the past I was underweight, I am not now but was recently diagnosed anorexic. It's a lot to so with the mental part it has on the individual.

I am in the same exact spot though. I never got help, I thought that I too was too big to be even considered. Yesterday I went to my schools health clinic and they are setting me up with a whole plan for recovery. I had to speak up for myself because no one else was goig to get me the help I needed. Your eating disorder won't go away on it's own- as I once hoped. After relapsing this summer, my third time, I just needed it to end. Is there a way you could talk to your bf about seekig medical help? Talk to your doctor? Especially since you were purging blood because that is very dangerous

I wish you much luck. Thinking of you
allee

it does sound like you have ED. yes, i would really suggest therapy or treatment for you. really --it is hard to fight this alone. it is overwhelming...but also very dangerous if you keep up the ED.

how about a support group in you area???

i do hope you find help and get it...

welcome to support groups! keep sharing, this is one good place to share...

Thanks both of you! I guess for... assuring me that I have a problem that needs assistance? lol

Anyways yes... i've been on here before...months and months ago. I have just recently given back into the EDs and I am slipping up.
I will continue sharing..
I *thought* i didn't need help...thats why I stopped coming on here.
Ugh. How terribly wrong I was.

I do believe once i get insurance..... i'll finally be able to
1. Get blood tests/ presciptions
2. Get a possible med change
3. A pyschitrist
4. a pychologist
5. a possible group?

idk...a very vague plan i have.

Froggirl-

I'm glad you've found this group to share your feelings. I also haven't found any medical help and am too ashamed to talk with any of my friends or family. I'm glad you feel comfortable talking with your bf.

I'm also glad to hear that you have a plan (no matter how vague). In the mean time, do not disappear. You are not a "wannabe" and I do think you need to have people to connect to. Keep us posted!

Wishing you the best.

I shall keep you posted. Your right… I need some connection right now. ;0

froggirl! wow! how are you? missed you--how have you been???

it is good to have you back!

love
maureen

froggirl...hello once again. So glad you are reaching out. Please keep writing, and know that you are supported and understood here....take care...Jan ♥

Definitely think that you should seek as much help as possible. It was once explained to me that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes and you can't tell who has one or doesn't just by looking at them. Also, when I was recently really struggling with feeling like I didn't deserve help, my nutritionist was talking to me about how mental/emotional pain/illness is just as real as physical pain/illness. We would never tell a person with a broken leg that they didn't deserve help; why would we tell that to someone with a broken heart/spirit?

Thank you girls. ;) I did go to the doctors recently and got numbers for a pyschiatrist andd a physchologist.

jjeeezzz i cant spell!

All i gotta do now.. is call.

Of course you belong here - just as much as I do! I thought the same thing. Like, I didn't need to be here because people would think I'm faking. I'm getting better on my own because I know when I'm healed more than anyone in the world.

Hi Froggirl,

I feel like you sometimes. Even though I know I have an ED and have been diagnosed with one, sometimes I wonder if I'm just crazy or if I'm too fat to have an ED. then I realize that the whole doubting and thinking I'm too fat is part of the ED thinking. I think finding a group therapy would help and some groups are covered under ohip if you live in canada. Know that you are not alone and that you deserve to be here. All of us are here for you. Keep sharing and dont give up,

Nicole