Where do you go from here? I mean.. Once the dust settles and life becomes stable and (mostly) pain free what do you do?
I have been working over the last seven years with my husband on becoming a survivor instead of a victim. We have a family, a dog and babies and yet sometimes I just can't cope.
What are some of the ways you all process the lasting emotional effects of abuse (childhood, adult, sexual)?
hey hun, well you've taken the first step and reached out here. i commend you for your courage. may i suggest that you join the sexual abuse here on the site as well as the incest survivors if its relavent. we are lucky enough to have a manager on those sites who has been there and has much wisdom to pass on for recovery. please take the time to check into it, you won't be sorry hun. his name is charlie and you'll see posts from him on those sites. there is also outside therepy if you hav'nt tried that. but for our issues hun the best person i've talked to would be charlie and he would be best to advise.
You take each day at a time. You talk to people on here...you talk to people it is safe to talk to like a counselor or your husband. unfortunately there are always going to be times that something makes us backslide from survivor to victim. It can come out of the blue. It can be something big or something little. When it comes just work thru it.
Don't know if that will help but at the moment it really is the best advise I have.
Okie dokie. I never had any sexual abuse going on but thank you for the information. I think you guys answered my question, though. I think I was secretly wondering if this is something that will have a hold on me (periodically) forever. And I guess it will in a way but then maybe working through it takes the power back?
Hi Catnipburger... I have gone through those types of abuse... all of them. Do you know what I found helped me the most? Everything that happened, every bloody nose, nightmare, slap, punch, bite, hit, degrading put down, insult and everything else that happened made me who I am today. I am a sum of my personality and my past.... and I like myself. Sure, it all sucked. It really sucked to have people I trusted betray me in such specatular ways, but without the things that happened, I wouldn't be me.
If you like yourself, then accepting the past is part of who you are might help to let go of the anger and help you take back who you are. There will be days that suck, and the past creeps up and makes you wonder why... but so long as your like yourself, they pass fairly quickly.
I know it doesnt seem that simple for most people... but amazingly self love is the first step to being free of the past and its hold on you.
Do you know, they say what doesn't kill you often makes you stronger? I often get angry when people say that, but after my fiance explained it to me, I can understand why they say it. You survived the abuse. You're here now. And that's the sign of a true survivor. Sure, there are scars, and you probably had or have a lot of problems/phobias due to said abuse, but you're here, aren't you? I recommend seeing a counsellor. It may tkae a while to find the right one, it took me four years after the abuse ended (I'm only sixteen now) to find a decent one that didn't treat me like a child, but when you do, it really helps. I talk about the aftermath of the abuse, not what actually happened, and the psychology behind it, and how it affects my life now.
What 'fadingsylver' said. I couldn't have said it better.