Advice please? facebook junk

I'm bipolar and I have a relationship with someone that is codependent. I just figured out that she is codependent and it goes back way before we met. I also feel that I am codependent to a degree as well. We both takes things too personally.

What is normal functioning in this case? My wife adds a friend in facebook. I have no idea who this person is. I don't say anything for fear that it will upset her. And when I do it does, and she blames me for not trusting her. She explains that he is just some guy that she trades jokes with that she met online and I have nothing to worry about. I'm told to add him since he too is bipolar. I figured I'd give it a try so she could keep her new friend and if he was just interested as a friend he'd communicate with me as well since him and I are both bipolar that would make sense. Well he doesn't return msgs, he's a gamer and I tried adding him to our game system but both attempts from me have not worked. But today I see him on facebook looking at my wifes stuff.

I talked to her and told her I'm having a hard time with it and I want her to "de-friend" him. It turned into an argument. I end up being too controling. I end up the one that has doubts about our relationship. She always reacts and says "You're right, it's me, I'm not good for you". What starts as me trying to explain what I'm feeling ends up 180 degrees in reverse and we both end up having hard feelings. This is seriously screwed up. If I say nothing it hurts. If I say something we fight. I was hoping she'd say "I'm sorry, I didn't know it affected you. He's not that big of deal, we can delete him". But instead it's a fight.

I try to explain that is going on but it's near impossible.

Can someone give some advice here? Has facebook messed up your relationships as well? Or am I too sensitive and jeolous?

I have gone through some of the same exact issues. First I don't think there is anything wrong with being jealous and maybe there is good reason to be. I am not saying she is cheating of anything but if she is talking to him and not you I can understand completely why. My husband has a hard time with some of the people I talk to and I have a hard time with some of the people he talks to. Him and I have argued tooth and nail to the point it was destroying our relationship. I finally got in therapy and remembered all the good things I learned years ago about talking and communicating. However it takes two. Anyways what happened with me and my husband is I sat down and said here is how I am feeling, I would like to know what you feeling. I want to understand you're side of things but I need you to listen to me too. Things are not perfect between my husband and I but they have gotton better since we have started listening to each other.

That sounds good. Thanks for that. I'm going through a bit of a down period. I'm glad someone else can see my side of things. We fight so much. I really want it to stop. I feel I've completely sucked the life out of her and I wish she could see that its me that is hurting and its my jealousy and insecurity that is adding to it. She things that she's done something wrong. I blame the siituation, not her.

Anyways, thanks for your support...

From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder