After 40 Years of A Difficult marriage... My Wife Is Moving Out!

Sunshine and Charles,

Thanks for the added points about the "loneliness". And I guess I don't really feel any more lonely at all (for now). There is actually less tension too. And I am pretty free to do more things now (I guess. This is all still too new!)

Actually something VERY interesting happened after my wife flew out (this morning). I called our daughter in Japan for some 'solace" and I asked her how she felt about this.

And she was VERY happy. She said this was a good thing for EVERYBODY. She said that we should have done this a lonnnggg time ago. And that apparently my wife had been "trying to get back home to her mother" for a long time.

So all that makes me MUCH better!

Thanks,

Hey Gregzar, financial issues seem small when you look at the grand sceme of things. I know it sounds stupid but you might consider going to college, nontrads are able to get generous student loans and you will be bettiering yourself personally and proffesionally. No matter what may interest you, a degree will likely pay off in the end. Employers will hire and pay better people with degrees. You may come out better in the end with no fear. Plus, support is determined in a matmatical formula. They can't require more of you that what you can manage.

Greg,
Sounds like things are looking better then what you anticipated yes? I was in your exact shoes last month. After 22 years my wife left me. I was depressed, scared and feared loneliness etc.
After a month I can actually say I really enjoy this newfound freedom. I enjoy coming home from work, going to the gym when I want, watching baseball games in person etc. The best part is no belittleing, meanness or verbal abuse.
I'm glad to hear the acceptance from your daughter that is really great. It'll get better Greg just take it day by day.

I'm SO glad you're feeling better Greg! WOW, you must have almost fell over when your daughter said the split should have been done a real long time ago. That does make you feel better to know she isn't going to be mad at her good ol' dad and expect you to somehow "fix" this. Oh, you're welcome for the words about "loneliness".....I've come to be a HUGE believer that is is way better to be living alone than living with someone under the same roof and still be lonely. That's a good sign something is really, really wrong!

SO, keep your chin up, I think you're doing great, your mood seems to be better and your starting to adjust to the changes and don't sound as sad and upset. That's good!!! Keep us posted on the latest and hugs to you Greg! Sunshine!

Hi Greg

Just touching base how are you my friend

Hope you are still well, and positive !!! WOW

its raining here in England!......in fact its possitivly horrid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

let us know how you are soon...

Lo x

Unhappy Birthday to me!

Today is my 65th birthday. My wife just moved out on Sunday, for Hawaii.

I am soo mizerable. (Yesterday I was great!).

Today, in spite of the years of problems we had, I'm really wondering WHY did we do this at the age of 65??

To really complicate things, our oldest daughter, who lives in the same area we do, is ALSO going through a divorce! And WE used to be very close.

But now, I think because of all these heavy things going on, we are almost not speaking (but I'm not sure of the "exact" reason. You would think this would draw us closer!) So she is probably not going to do a **** thing for my birthday. She says I did something to "hurt" her recently, but I'll be ****ed if I can get this resolved.

How much more complicated can things get?

Oh, oh.....you're getting all worked up and it's your birthday!! Did your daughter the lives close to you pull through and acknowledge it even though you think she's mad at you about something? I hope so, but if she didn't don't worry, she'll get over whatever it is that's bothering her. KIDS, no matter what age they get to, they still can break our hearts!

I don't know what time zone you're in, so I hope it's still your birthday right now so I can say "Happy Birthday!" I know this won't go down as the best one you've ever had, but next year will be better I'm sure!!

You know, people get divorced at any age these days. I guess the days of staying together through thick and thin isn't the case anymore....maybe it stopped with our parents generation! That's okay, you're going to get through this Greg and you're going to get to a happy place in your life. My Aunt and Uncle divorced when they were 72 years old....I couldn't even wrap my head around that one! They were High School "sweethearts", have three grown kids, and five grandchildren and they ALWAYS appeared to be happy, I mean like jumping up and down happy! Then my Aunt, for whatever reasons, decided she wanted to divorce my Uncle and that was it, done and over and now I'll never get to see him again. He watched me grow up and he's one of my first memories when I was so little. I still don't understand what happened!

It's weird, I guess people move on for all kinds of different reasons. Don't beat yourself up about this divorce happening at this time of your life. It's happening everywhere. Hey, here's a good thought....think about the "pool" of divorced gals that will be out there ready to rejoin the dating world....I know, it's not the best thought, but it's the best one I can come up with right now.

Let me know how your day went when you get a chance. Sunshine!

PS Greg....I just remembered something. This may sound weird, but eat a lot of chocolate!!! I'm serious, it makes your brain produce "happy" endorphins and it works....if I run out of chocolate I'm not even close to happy. I just made an emergency run down to get some more about an hour ago because there's a huge difference in my mood without it. Try it and see if it works for you!!

Sunshine,

Thanks for the help on "kids". Actually, my birthday was okay. She did actually take me out (with the grandkids) to eat (after I reminded her at 500 that she said she would)

I have to say that your point on "late" divorces is VERY painful, as I'm thinking about my grandkids here in our town not havoing their grandmother here to watch them grow up!

I TOTALLY agree on the "chocolate" thing.

To Gregg
Believe in a power greater than yourself. Don't label it, don't give it a name,just know it exists.It's not hard for us as humans to believe in something that's greater than ourselves,because we, and nothing on this planet lasts forever.Something out there in the Universe has no beginning,nor an end.Believe in it. Give it to the universe.This maybe easier said then done.Let loose the fear and Ego, vanity.Get out of yourself and know that someone is going through the same thing that u are or worse.The world doesn't evolve just around u. It revolves around all of us. U are not alone. when I'm focused on helping someone else,then I'm not thinking about what I'm going through. All of a sudden my problems don't seem as powerful as they were.when they are not so powerful or glaring,then I can deal with them better. This has worked for me.Doesn't mean U will get the same results if U try this,but u should have a similar experience. Don't give your problems more power than it deserves.

Brownsugar,

Thank you so much. I had forgotten about "helping others" (which I HAD been doing a better job of (Teaching college as an adjunct, being a Red Cross volunteer, helping business people as a volunteer through SCORE)

And "giving things up to a higher power" is soooo powerful!

Thanks!!!!

Well,

THIS is an "interesting" twist. NOT!

Since I took early social security, I have caps on how much other income I can make, until I turn 66 1/2. (I just just turned 65 yesterday.)

Since my wife has now left (which really was the right thing for us), I now have to find a way to make more income (which actually IS possible),

But, if I do, Social Security is going to want a bunch of it!

I totally give up now!!!! There is no f***ing way for me to win this!!!!!!

I'm soooo upset with God that I just let the church know that I don't want to be a lector anymore.

WOW brownsugar, you really laid it out there! You hit on a lot of good things to remember. When I'm really at my wits end, if I do something nice for someone else it does take the focus off of me and what I think is "ooooh, so horrible!!!" and puts me into the mindset of it feels good to think of others and help them if I can. When I really, REALLY look around and think about what others are going through, how they are struggling, what is bothering them, etc. etc. etc....my own issues can sometimes seem really small in comparison.

Good Greg!! I'm glad your daughter came through for your birthday!! See, just when you least expect it, you never know what "KIDS" are going to do.

I'm with you on it is sad that your grandchildren will have to get use to not having their grandma nearby. I know lots of people who aren't lucky enough to have their grandchildren living close to them because of having to relocate for jobs, and it's hard on my friends who are in that situation.

All you can do is take care of yourself and do the best you can. With time, everything will start to settle down and get better!

friday afternoon -

WHAT in the hell am I going to do this WHOLE WEEKEND, since my "daughter" would rather not have me in the same town with her kids! (The daughter that i have given everything possible to.)

Oh, oh, Greg, okay we need to come up with some ideas for you! Don't fret about how your daughter is treating you, remember even grown "KIDS" act out and can be pretty brutal when they feel like it. SO, do you have a dog? I don't remember reading anything about you having one, but if you do, you could take your dog to a park for a walk and would probably meet a lot of new people and make some new friends all at the same time. I'd take my dogs to the park, but their both Maltese and they think they're BIG and they try to attack big dogs....mine aren't very social. OR, you could go to a couple of movies, go to one on one day and then pick out another one you think you'd like to see and go to watch it the next day. I use to go to movies ALL the time by myself to escape my now ex and it's really, really relaxing!! OR, if it's sunny where you live this weekend you could just sit outside, soak up some rays and read a good book! Let the whole weekend be all about you and just getting in some total relaxation time for yourself. If you were a female I'd tell you to light some candles around your bathtub and sit in a bubble bath for a few hours....but I don't think that's up your alley 8-).

Just a few things that popped in my head, if I can think of anything else I'll let you know. Long weekends due to Holidays aren't exactly my best times either, that's when I decide I might as well just pamper me a little bit and leave it at that because I don't know what else to do when pretty much everyone I know has a mate and I don't like being a "fifth wheel". One of these days I won't be, I'll let someone in my life again....just not ready yet! Sunshine!

Man, if I could let myself enjoy some of the little things in life I think I would be in a much better spot… It is strange that I work, work, work all week and look forward to a day off but when the weekend gets here I actually dread it… I dread being alone because I feel restless… I sit around and think… ugh. Is this normal? =)

sunshine - thanks for the ideas. Actually, I have started looking into match.com and eharmony.com, went dancing with an old "friend" last week, spending a lot of time with my extended family lately,, am actually looking into getting a cat.

Problem is, it all feels so "hollow" right now! Odd, though in that I truly don't miss my wife! It truly is time for us both to move on.

gregczar ,
I am new to this site; I really hope you guys don't mind me joining you.... I think I may partially know how you feel about being relieved but scared.... I also feel abandoned and scared... I have been reading "codependency no more" and the author keeps trying to teach detachment but I can't quite let myself do it...

...anyway, I am going to keep reading posts to see if I can learn something. =)

Hi momopee! I thought I’d just say hi real quick and let you know this is a really good site and I’m glad you found it too! You can always jump in on anything you feel like and put your “two cents” in…that’s what it’s all about, sharing your experiences, getting input and support from others, being there for someone when they need a “pick me up”…you’re going to love it here, so many sweet and caring people!

I’m so sorry you feel abandoned and scared. Unfortunately, so many of us know and understand how you’re feeling. That’s why this is like a safe haven, you can vent, have a melt-down, be sad, or have had a good day and want to tell about it, anything goes! Just know that everyone is here for you whenever you need someone to talk with! Sunshine!