Even though I feel like I have my life" put together" whatever that means. I still feel out of no where the pain I once felt as i lost my Dad. It was very sudden and even though i had seven siblings i remember feeling instantly alone and isolated. My family doesn't like to talk about him. It is an awkward topic especially with my mom around. I feel like I am the only one holding on still and i don't know if that is healthy but i am still not ready to let him all go. I think this is a big reason I struggle with loneliness. Because I fear having to feel that loss again, and maybe it won't be by death but what if they just left and couldn't handle me. It has already happened to me a few times. How am i expected to keep letting my guard down? I feel low and sad. But more so I feel cheated. I miss him and i miss being able to talk about him.But who wants to hear about my father that was gone years ago?
Hi kuzzikan, I know how you feel. I still feel the pain of having lost my mother when I was very young (5). I'm now 51. I've since lost my dad, but for whatever reason, the grief at the loss of my mom can still be very vivid. I'm not sure if your dad passed, or you lost him to a separation/divorce. Either way the pain can be deep. I don't think it's unhealthy to want to hold on to him, but I do hope you can find someone to talk to. How long has it been, and how old are you? Is there one of your many siblings who you can talk with. Let me know....we can talk here.
kuzzikan
welcome and i would be delighted to hear all about your father any time u wish to talk about him and share memories from those childhood days
its not so much the family dont want to talk about him but grief hits people in different ways and at different stages of life so u are feeling something quite normal and mayb u need to let it all out here and heal slowly from the inside out
till later
love D :)
My dad died when I was eight years old. It was sudden, one night he was just gone and I was saying goodbye in the hospital to my already dead Father. I was eight years old when he died and I am now twenty. Thank you for your support it is hard to put myself out there like this. I am use to living behind a mask of feelings
kuzzikan
saying goodbye is the best thing u could have done hon and no matter if his earth body couldnt hear u his soul/spirit did and knew that u were there feeling sad and lonely but he has blessed u many times in the last 12 years and i believe its him gently gettin u to reach out now and heal yourself so he can rejoice in the good as well as the bad that happens to u
memories are a powerful thing and if u saw him i can bet he was at peace no more lines of stress and worry at all
they never leave us in one sense their spirit is strong and always about when u need him
so be kind to yourself and have a good day
love D :)
Thanks for the info Kuzzikan. You may not have had the opportunity to really greive at that young age, especially if it was suddent. I agree that saying goodby was very important. I'm not sure I've even done that with my mom so I have to think about that. Another part of grieving involves talking about all of the memories, good and bad, with other who experienced them. Are you able to do that with family members. Try and let them know if you feel the need to do that. If they are uncomforatlbe or unwilling for any reason, share them here. it is important for you to remember, in order to move on. Good luck hon. We are here to listen.