I'm the daughter of a very bad alcholic. growing up my mom worked (and still does) and my dad didn't and he was home to take care of (drive me to school, make lunch, go on class trips, start homework with me, make dinner) and around 4:00 everyday, he would make a vodka and water with ice. He typically only had one. As I got a little older, it seemed like each year or every two years, his drink time would come a little earlier in the day and he would have two or three instead of one. then it became noon and he would drink all afternoon. that brings me up to college graduation (where he had to step out to go to the bar bc it was long). i moved home after college and walked into hell. my mom tried so desperately hard to kinda shield me from the reality - which was no longer possible once i was living there again.
regarding hallucinations - my dad never had them, but there was a period when he had some serious delusions. alcohol so often replaces food and vitamin - and when you're b12 deficit as a result of not eating and drinking too much, you hallucinate and become delusional. just he's also 67...thinks like a 97 yr old, is VERY old school, very stubborn, a heavy smoker, a victim of several larger 'mini' strokes and as a result has limited mobility and impaired speech for which he doesn't have the will or desire to go to rehab and improve, very weak-willed and very abusive in his speech.
current day, his teeth are rotting out of his mouth bc he eats about 200 calories a day and replaces everything else with alcohol, he has HORRIBLE and DISGUSTING personal hygeine - doesn't care to shower or change his clothes very often (one or twice a week), he drools constantly everywhere bc he's too drunk to keep his bottom lip up, he falls everywhere - partially bc of the brain damage from mini strokes but also from being ridiculously drunk, he can't even speak words when he is drunk now - he makes hands motions, he doesn't recall events or conversations from day to day, he ignores birthdays and anniversaries, he barely participates in holidays, he HUMILIATES my mother and i everywhere we or they go (if anywhere), my mother has stress 24-hours a day - afraid of what he's going to do, or say, or how he will embaress us. he keeps my mom prisoner in the house - wont let her use the car - rare occasions does she use it, he abuses her mentally and emotionally, and now, the strongest person i know in the world who shielded me from everything and who made me the person i am - is breaking down bc for the past 10, she's had to live with, cope with, clean up after, lie for, be humilated and feel the most painful anguish and despair possible bc my dad became a severe alcoholic. she's weakening and that hurts me more than anything. she doesn't deserve this and all she wants, regardless of the COUNTLESS and selfless things she's done for him and our family and all she wants is a normal relationship. leaving him is not an option given his health...my mom is too loyal. he refuses assistance of any kind - he gets violent and aggressive and more hateful when it's suggested.
we don't know what to do...we've tried so much and nothing helps bc he doesn't want to help himself - it seems to me like he just wants to die in the house. he no longer has any interest in anyone - not me, not my mom, not his family, not the dog - NOTHING. he refuses any sort of anything that would improve his life, unless it's the miracle pill that he's been waiting for to cure every mental and physical problem he has.
i've conceded and know he's going to die, probably soon, and that he's not going to improve. doctors said it's almost so bad that if he stops drinking now, he might die sooner than if he never stopped. my mom has more hope than i do and feels horrible bc she feels like she failed at making him better. only he can make it better. ironically, he calls other people alcoholics, but doesnt see himself as one! another delusion.
present day - he wakes up at 4:30-5:00am - starts drinking warm, CHEAP, vodka from his shot glass at the kitchen table. if he's up at 2:00am - he drinks then too. doesn't matter the time anymore. while he watches tv in the living room (which is the only thing he does during the day as difficult as it is to believe), the bottle of vodka sits next to him. if u come home unexpectedly during the day, he used to try to hide the half gallon under a blanket.
for months, every single night, my mom and i would empty out whatever vodka was left in the bottle down the drain. then he started hiding the vodka so we wouldnt throw it out, so we found it. then his hiding spots became more tricky. this went on for about a year and we gave up. someone who counts pennies had no problem buying another plastic bottle of cheap $11.99 vodka every single day.
now, he doesn't really leave the house - unless it's to get his vodka or cigarettes, that my mom picks up a lot now bc if he asks and she refuses, he makes her life even worse.
the pain, the anger, the resentment, the hurt feelings, that i have from watching my dad slowly die is hard to even measure or describe. everyday, i think, this could be the day my mom gets home from work and he's dead. that's what we have to look forward to. if you've ever seen that nicholas cage movie with elizabeth shue - leaving las vegas, my dad is like nicholas cage in that movie. never getting better...just waiting to lose the official battle.
the solutions seem to be - 1. leave him or 2. wait for him to die bc he's not getting better and in the interim, my mother and i are breaking apart and need help - need strength, need friends, need support - not pity.
although this may seem surprising, im a positive and optimistic person and yet find no positivity from this situation. i want to help my mom, but we both don't know what to do and in the meantime, he's breaking my mom and destroying our family.
a neuro dr. told my mom and dad about 5 years ago that if he didnt stop drinking, since he had the beginnings of cirrohis, he would die a very slow, painful death. this is what we are living now
im glad that i could share part of my story with. my mom and i just don't know what to do and feel very worn down and need some strength or an understanding non judgemental friend...which i can also offer in return