All by myself crying

Mental Health Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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1

I cried myself to sleep last night...

And this morning, I woke up and started crying again. I am sitting in the office now, all alone, and crying.

As I told you last week, when you were very supportive and kind and uplifted my spirit, I feel lonely, sad, frustrated, and have developed an unhealthy attachment to a man I met at an adult online dating website.

I followed LuvsHeadMeds's advice, and deleted my account at the website, but a few days ago, I fell off the wagon and sent an e-mail to this man. And when he didn't reply, I sent another one.

Now, I know he's checked his e-mail, since he changed his profile picture, and he hasn't replied. This prompted my crying.

I feel humiliated, and although on a rational level, I understand that this man means nothing in my life, the rejection is killing me. Am I so ugly and disgusting that throwing myself at a man who is out there looking for cheap sex won't do the trick? I am pathetic.

On top of this, I feel guilty for my sadness, for being unable to count my blessings and rejoice in them.

I can't stop crying...

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Hey Monica,
I'm so sorry you're crying. We've all been there, rejection just plain sucks. There's no good way to handle it. It's hard to see now, but why would you even want to be around someone that can't even bother to respond to your email? Is that asking so much? I know how you are feeling, I recently went through a major breakup. We sit and cry and glamorize all the good times, what ifs, try to answer questions and make excuses for their bad bahavior. We as women will always try to analyze a man's behvior. I've learned, we need to stop doing that. What you see is what you get. Someone you care about should not being causing you this type of hurt. Whoever this online dating man is, he certainly isn't worth your tears. You are NOT pathetic, you are human. Please don't start questioning yourself, it is his loss. And I know all of this sounds like the typical things we say to people when they're down, but they're true. You will wake up one day and say, "what the hell was I thinking?" It's easy for us to focus our attention on any guy when we are feeling vulnerable and lonely, but honestly, isn't worth the hassle and drama when the guy turns out to be a scum bag. I know you're going through a hard time right now, but try and focus on the good things in your life, if you need to cry, cry. But like I said, this **** isn't worth your tears. Take it as a huge favor he's doing for you. You will bounce back and snap out of this. For now keep venting, I'm here to support you.

xo, July

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July,

Thank you for your kind words. I have very little experience with support groups, and it just amazes me how much better one can feel.

I've stopped crying now, since I got busy with work, so I just hope I can stay like this for a little longer. At least until I get home.

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monica

good for u to keep busy is the answer and dont beat yourself up over a slip to err is human, but lets be honest he has shown himself to be a sappling and u need an oak someone who will hold u up when u are feeling down and wants to please u everyway they can.

sapplings bend with the breeze and change direction at the drop of a hat, oaks might bend and bough but still stay firmly rooted,

keep posting hon this feeling will pass and then who knows what u will find at the end

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes

D :)

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How are you feeling Monica?

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domestic and july, thank you for your messages. your messages have warmed my heart.

i was embarrassed to come back here, since this man called me on friday evening, asking to see each other. i dropped everything and went to meet him, only to receive a text message from him, when i was on my way, saying that he wasn't going to make it. i felt incredibly stupid. feeling that i should've known better...

we've had no contact since then, and i plan to keep it that way. i am busy with work these day, so hopefully that'll help.

i feel empty. alone.

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Hey Monica,
Don’t be embarassed to come back here, for these reasons are why we are all here. I can only imagine the feelings you must have been going through, excitement then disappointment. Some of us need to go through the experiences in order to know certain things are just not right for us. I can assure you I’ve done it to myself over and over, but in the end, realize what I should have all along, not a fun lesson. But I hope you aren’t down on yourself and I hope you aren’t taking this personal. You should see that this (I wouldn’t even call him a man based on his actions), isn’t worth your time. Maybe when your feelings have subsided a bit, you’ll see he was just a hassle. It sounds to me like this guy is pretty selfish, and doesn’t have a lot of respect for you, or your time. I was a little down last night, and one of my closest guys friends reminded me that I’m always in a relationship, and maybe it’s good for me to take some time to discover what it is I really want, and to understand that we all have to be able to be alone, relying on someone else to fulfill that void is a quick fix. It’s easier said than done, but I’m trying to do that. Loneliness sucks, and I know that. And it’s always great to feel desired and hear someone tell you you’re beautiful, but as long as you know how great you are, someone special will come for the both of us, when we least expect it. Hang in there and keep writing. I hope you have a better day. Talk to you soon.

xo, July

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monica

hon we have all been there, its only in later years that we wise up to the things we have already lived thru before.

its then we see the pattern emerging and why should u be embarassed by a need to see someone even if u know they are no good its only when u are ready to call it quits that u can stand back and see the whole thing in its bare bones.

now u know he is unreliable by more than one source of communication both email (ignored) text (left u hanging) its time to take stock of what u liked about this guy and look for it else where

hope u are having a good day

as always

loving thoughts and positive vibes

D :)

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well wife left me again think she wants a divorce but wont tell me i drink beer allot so im sure she hates that we argue then she moves out and stays gone for a month at a time aand it drives me crazy so i take off 3 days and just stay drunk i feel very used and when we gat back together i get drunk and i realy tell her how bad i feel when she leves me i dont have a drinking problem but i do like beer i work in the oil field and i work 12 to 18 hours a day so on the week end i drink beer i only get one day off unless she leves me then i go crazy and stay drunk for 3 days i have been married for 23 years now i realy miss her but i cant take her always leaving me what do i do

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dear july & domestic, your words of encouragement are a great inspiration. i try to repeat to myself, as a mantra, that this too shall pass. hopefully, by then, i will emerge stronger, without having to rely on sex, (pseudo)love and codependency to feel good about myself.

what july said about jumping from one relationship to another one makes a lot of sense. i discovered myself yesterday, flirting with a guy, and fantasizing about him. all this, while still thinking of that other guy. july, i think that we have to focus on feeling great and happy on our own, and then, perhaps, share that joy with a partner, but not try to find that happiness in another human being. easier said than done, but still...

i've cried and suffered a lot over the past 15 years or so, about one guy or another, but i feel that this time i've made some progress. i am still crying and feeling desperate, but at least i've come to realize that it is not so much about them as it is about me.

as i've mentioned in a previous post, mental health care is not widely available and it is highly stigmatized where i come from. however, i am finding sound advice on the internet and a great sense of support from this forum, in particular. being a perfectionist (and somewhat anal-retentive, i get frustrated with my situation, so i guess one of the main lessons i should learn is to be patient. one day at a time, right?

shep, i wish you strenght and send you good vibes. may you resolve your situation promptly.

to all of you, have a wonderful day!

xoxo

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Yes, one day at a time and focus on you, for now. Please keep me posted and let me know how you're doing. Hope you have a wonderful day as well. Little gloomy out but I'll make the most of it!

xo, July

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Monica, I am so sorry that you have been feeling so lonely and that you've been sad and crying. What you are going through is so incredibly normal. My feelings of loneliness come and go; some days are easier than others. I find that if I'm busy and give myself daily purpose, then it makes things a lot easier. I think that focusing on yourself for right now is really the way to go and all else will fall into place in terms of love. I know that you will have so much love, happiness and fulfillment. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep sharing with us.

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shep

mayb its time after twenty three years of marriage to seek consuling about the things u are both experiencing have u got grown up children so she is feeling redundant?

or did she think that life would hold more than it has done for her, dont hit the bottle sseek help there are so few of us in this day and age that manage to hang on to our relationship it needs immediate action to keep it safe

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

marcia

its easy to think what about that one next, we have all done that too even i think well he looks ok for his age wonder what he is like in bed,washing the dishes and seeing to the kids....
but fantasy is its name not reality

yes u feel the need to validate yourself by having a partner but instead concentrate on u and the values u have to offer a relationship im sure they are plenty.

its one step at a time like peelin an onion when u get thru the layers u will find lots of things have changed for u in life, the best one how u feel about yourself

have a good day

loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

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Hi Monica,
You are getting some very good advice from domestic and July. I will just add that everything looks big and threatening when we look inwards at our problems. Things change perspective if you look outward and past the present dark period and search for new horizons. Try it and see.

Shep,
Buddy you are caught in a very negative lifestyle. So is your wife. You have to get some relationship counselling soon if you want to save your marriage.
You might consider some alcohol avoidance and counselling while you are at it. Try and break the cycle of behaviour. So much of our daily routines are simply habit. You can step out and look back at yourself honestly, and ask yourself the questions that you know in your heart need asking. All the best son. G.