I dont know how to handle today especially not alone as i am. i need help please just someone to talk to someone who cares
Hi Augustana,
I was posting on the abuse section and logged out and saw your post. I care. Even though I don't know anything about you, I don't want you to suffer and feel loss of hope. I have no idea what is troubling you, you didn't give any info. Can you please tell a little about what is wrong? But whatever it is, there is probably a solution to the problem. Maybe you just havn't thought of it yet. Maybe the pain is so great that it is hard to see anything positive. However there is usually some good in people's lives. Try to focus on the good. Try to remember a time when you felt better. I have found it helpful to pick a positive memory of myself doing something good like finally getting the hang of something I was trying to learn and was difficult. I invisioned that moment of success when I finally got it. It puts my state of mind in a positive place. It reaffirms that I can succeed at things sometimes. It changes my state of mind to feeling more positive and hopeful.
I have to leave now. I will try to check back with you later. Don't do anything bad to yourself like kill yourself or hurt yourself in any other way. Things feel bad now but I'm sure there things that can be changed to make you feel better. Call a friend or a hotline if you don't feel you have a friend to talk to. Or, at least watch a comedy to get you through today. Sometimes it is a good way to get to the next day when things will be better.
I care, too. Everyone who writes and reads on this site knows what it means to feel pain that, at times, seems overwhelming. I felt like hurting myself before, so I know that pain too. I don't know where the hope came from that kept me from taking my life, but I am glad that I looked for hope. My life is neither perfect nor free from pain. But, the journey of my life is unfolding in a way that makes me want to stick around. People on this site want to support you so that you find a pathway that does not end abruptly. Like the previous writer, I will check back as well and will be a support if it will help. Try a crisis line if that feels safer. 1-800-273-TALK.
You ask for details but sometimes like now its really hard for me to pinpoint exactly what is wrong. I can tell you that I have been diagnosed with having a Borderline personality disorder, Generalized Anxiety disorder, and Major depression. I also have self-injured in the past. I havent done it in months though. I just feel like not being here right now. Every two seconds i get yelled at by mom or my dad or my stepmom for every little thing. I cant handle it. My thoughts by themselves right now i cant handle let alone them adding to and making it even harder. I am feeling suicidal and i just want to not be here. It can't possibly make that much difference in the long run im not that important and i wouldnt be in pain anymore.
~Melissa
You are important, and being here does make a difference. Sorry you are having such a tough time right now. Yes, please do call the crisis lines, they are here for us when we really need them to keep us alive, and out of the hospital. Just logging onto this site helped me stay out of the hospital last week, so I am here to offer support for you as well. Here is a hug for you Melissa. You are a very special person, and there are very good reasons for you to hold on.
Melissa,
Every person makes a difference in this world. You have untold potential. There are people who love you, who want to see you grow and evolve and find something that you are passionate about. Please hang in there and call a crisis line. I am saying a prayer for you right now.
Chris
I am alright. At least i think i am. I do know one thing for sure that i am idiot. I swallowed many more pills than i should have last night. I woke up this morning pucking. My stomach hurts but i should probably be alright. I know that the smart thing to do would be to go the hospital but I don't want to do that. In the beginning of winter term last year all of this stuff got out of control and my counselor from my school sent me home. They accepted me back for fall term but only if I am ok. If i go to the hospital, likely i wont be going back there and all my dreams are down the toilet.
Hi Melissa,
I worried about you last night. I'm glad you are better today. May I ask how old you are? You wrote about how you are yelled at by your parents and stepmother. So, I'm guessing you are under 18 or around that age. I don't know you or the situation so it is hard for me to know what is going on with your parents and how bad it is. Have they physically abused you? If yes, there are ways to get help and stop the abuse. I would start with a hotline for abuse.
I want you to realize that you have hope. You won't have to live with your parents when you are an adult. You won't have to be yelled at in your future. You could do so much with your life and effect others or your community in many positive ways. You have your whole life ahead of you and you have know idea of the greatness that could be in your future. You don't have to live in pain.
Are you taking medication for your disorders? If so, you should make sure you consult with your doctor if the medications aren't helping. I know many people who have had to try 4-5 or more medications before trying the right one that works for them. You should talk to your doctor before stopping taking any medication as well. It is possible that you could feel a lot better when ballanced by the correct medication.
I know it is tough now. I think you need to realize your life can change and you won't feel like this forever. I have heard of people who start out with what seems to be similar situations as yours and grow up to have a career helping others to get through what you are going through because they know it is possible to find happiness and they want to share that with people just like you. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep looking for it and work towards it. There are many people who can help you and support you along the way. Hang in there.
Keep sharing and others who had similar situations will probably post and may offer more insight and help.
If I could give you a hug I would. Laura