Although i have been here for a while, this is my very first

Although i have been here for a while, this is my very first post. Food controls my life since really early and now that i am a binge eater, even more. I can try to be healthy for a week and i know how to do it as i was an anorexic myself when i was 11 (yes!) but i just cant get through the week without feeling worthless, useless and completely powerless from time to time. i believe i live much in accordance with others and it shouldn't be like that but even though i try to be proud of myself, and obviously i am, i just can't be coherent. (post written while eating some cookies after a week of so so so healthy food)

I get all of that, and the only thing that has given me some sense of reassurance recently is studying meditation. I am so NOT the type of person who can sit still and meditate (and I think it's challenging for any personality), but I find the challenge in it to be refreshing. I do not successfully meditate ever.... but the concept of it is accepting the moment and focusing on the moment, not perseverating on the past of worrying about the future. It seems simple, but it's so much harder than it sounds. However, if you can get yourself to practice that it is like hitting a refresh button somehow. and I think with work and time you can train yourself to default to that instead of the self-destructive thoughts that are currently invading. It hasn't stopped my obession with food but it has helped me from time to time so if you're interested in looking up "mindfulness meditation" it may have some benefits. There are mindfulness eating practices as well but they can have the opposite effect on me depending on the day. I think the only other thing I can suggest is distraction, and trying to fill the portions of your lives your unsatisfied with. My issues come and go in waves and when they are particularly bad it is usually because I am not happy with a specific thing.