Always feeling Angry

Maybe unreasonable but Just wanted to get it off my chest....

OK, so ive reached a point lately where my feelings have turned. At times when previously i'd get upset or sad over things i now find myself getting angry and frustrated. SO much anger and im not sure where its directed...Is it actually me im angry at and my ED or is it really everyone else im mad at???

Its constant anger and frustration for me lately and i dont know if this is good or bad. When i mentioned this to my therpaist she said "Well good! It was about time! I think its healthy" ????

I refuse to allow myself to participate in events which include people who i find annoyingly nosey, indiscreet or plane rude" People in our social circle who i could hang out with before i find myself having no patince now to be around. Comments that would upset me before but i'd swallow them and move on, now just make me angry and i find it increasingly difficult to accept them.

More and more im feeling like i do not want to go out and i'd rather stay home keep any socializing to a minimum....

Yesterday we went to the beach. I was uncomfortable about it already but i started to relax and enjoy the company but then one of our friends commented on how good it is that i lost weight...I burshed it off, said i quick thank you, not to be rude and tried to change the subject...BUT then he went on to add that now that i've lost weight i really should start to work on forming my body and then he came up with all these suggestions like jogging, swimming etc. I wanted to hit him over the head with something! It just made me angry. ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY!!!! I found myself secretly pictuing myself kicking sand in his eyes and loving the image of that...I know...that was terrible of me but seriously! Where do people get off, whoever they are, making comments like that, especially when they are uninvited... I didnt ask for his opinion, i didnt want it!

And thats just one of the examples...I can think of many occasions lately where even smaller simpler comments have lit a fuse inside of me and i feel like im about to explode... I just get so angry...

Another example!
A few days ago i went on my lunch break...I went down to the canteen to get some lunch and the lady behind the counter looked at my food and started saying "Well of course! now that we've lost weight we can eat whatever we want! Well of course" and smiling like an idiot! It made me furious and completely turned me off my lunch!

If i continue listing such incidents i will be here all day!

I dont want to hear about my weight, i dont want to hear comments about my eating, i do not want to hear others complain about their weight while they are stuffing themselves with food in the mean time (this happened at a party recently). Plain and simple I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING from these people who have absolutely no idea what ive been going through!

I know...maybe i am being unreasonable...None of my issues are their fault...People dont know, i cannot expect everyone to bite their tongue around me...But seriously is it to much to ask for some discretion...

Sweetie,
It's like you have gotten into my head and read my mind. Sometimes my mind just snaps and I want to give out to everyone...especially when it comes to food, weight, exercise and work.

I was always a very "shut up and take it" type of person and now all of these feelings are coming out...some of this is good and some I worry could cause destruction to my relationships.

I enjoy walking...that's what I do...it's what I've always done...and yet there is always someone to butt in and tell me...oh that's not "real" exercise...to me it is, because I love it...it really upsets me, I actually gave out to a lad I was dating because of it.
When my sisters are asking the same question "do you think I lost weight"...I just want to scream shut up shut up there's more to life than weight.

And when people comment on my food sometimes I just want to cry or scream...it depends on what takes my fancy at the time. Another one is work, people saying things like..."you should get a job"...I can barely get 7 days together without wanting to stay in bed for 2 of them, they don't know what this is like. I think I've spend so much time bottling it, that finally my blood has started to boil and it's ALL coming out now.

I know it's because I am dealing with all these issues, they are already in my head...so voicing them doesn't help. I am really not happy at present, no matter how much I try to be...I'm angry and depressed and I'm wondering when it is going to stop.

You are not being unreasonable. That is one thing my therapist pointed out...this is how you feel...don't try and push your feelings away...be aware of them. It's now figuring out a positive way to vent and cope with these bubbling emotions.

I wish you a positive day...you are a brave girl for getting this far.

Much love to you
Moongal x

Andrea...I am glad you have shared this. This issue is one that most of us who have struggled with an ED, and been in recovery have to deal with...the ignorance of others. Not that they intentionally try (well, some might) to be rude, but that is exactly how it comes off.
Your anger...well, I also think it's very healthy. The reason that what seems like 'little' things, may be causing you to feel more intense anger, is because you have been the one to hold it in and smile, as if nothing is bothering you. It has to come out, and after repressing your feelings for so long, it's not surprising that you might feel like you are overreacting. I don't think you are at all. I just think it will take time for you to not feel overwhelmed by your feelings, now that you are actually feeling them. Does that make sense?
The people who make these comments....could you think of a response that might help 'shut them up', so to speak? Such as "you don't really know what I am going through, so please don't offer advice". For some people, it may not be worth the effort to even say that, or to try to explain, but expressing yourself somehow is healthy!
My first reaction was that your life is none of their business, unless YOU choose to make it so.
Venting it good....keep writing, and kick up that sand if you want to!! HUGS...Jan ♥

I think it takes time to learn to feel and express our emotions, and to accept that not only is that okay, but it's good and healthy! :) Andrea, I think that it was entirely appropriate for you to get angry at that guy's remark. I would have been upset, too! And think about how your reaction has changed. In the past, I bet you would have turned that comment in on yourself. I know I would have... But you recogized how wrong it was, and directed your anger in the right direction! :) Perhaps there is a way you can learn to stop these comments? I don't know how... But I think it's entirely appropriate to be able to redirect the conversation and let the speaker know that their comments are unwelcome. Something about today's culture (the culture of "thin") makes people think that everyone, of course, wants to lose weight and be praised for it. He may have thought he was doing a kindness, in a sick and twisted way. That doesn't mean you have to let him continue thinking so... ;0) I haven't figured it out myself yet, but I know that someone out there has a nice respectful answer to let others know that you do not want your body to be a topic of conversation. Ugh... I feel for you, friend! Keep up the anger! It's GOOD, though I know it doesn't feel that way... ♥

Love,

Jen

Thanks all!

Its reassuring to know that i may not be so unreasonable after all and i am not the first or alone in feeling this way.

Yes it is strange...Im not used to having so much rage stirring inside of me and yes i never was one to show my feelings...its always been "take it with a smile" and yes had it been in the past i would have turned on myself instead...

I guess i really do need to find a way to rebut these comments/questions and make a point without necessaraly biting peoples heads off...Try it in a civilised manner and if that doesnt work then i can bite their heads off...:) ...Maybe it takes practice...

Jan...Yes it does make sense...
Im just so not used to feeling like this and i find myself not knowing what to do with these feelings. Sometimes i can get so angry i dont recognise myself, but i guess through recovery we do rediscover ourselves or more like allow our full true selves and feelings come to the surface...

Thank you all for being around...It really helps to read replies from people who know and understand what you are talking about...

sweet andrea,
you are not alone. you are not unreasonable. i struggle with similar comments and vascilate from happiness to devastation to full-blown anger. thank you for sharing this.
*take it with a smile*...
my mantra: *if you can't make it, fake it.*
the things we tell ourselves in order to get through life.... uuuuugh.
thank you again for sharing.
all my love and support-
xoxo

Amy!

Yep exactly as you say it..."The things we tell ourselves to get through..."
I find myself in moments of clarity thinking the exact same thing...

I was happy to hear(read) from you...I hope you are well...

All my love
Smiles to you
Andrea