Always Scared

Everyday I feel like I'm drowning. The harder I try to stay above water the more water is being dumped on me.

All my life I have put everyone before me. I mean EVERYONE. I use to say I didnt have a back bone. I was a walking doormat. I couldnt say "no" to anyone. To this day I still cant say "no". Its easier to make sure that other people are happy rather than me being happy.

I feel lost and alone ALL THE TIME! I'm tired of dealing with all the hurt, pain and saddness. All I want is to be happy and enjoy life. I feel like everytime I start to be happy I some how ruin it. I guess I feel that if I'm happy I will forget. I dont want to forget, I just want to be able to deal. I feel like I dont deserve to be happy. I'm my own worst enemy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you feel like you don't deserve happiness? Because we all deserve to be happy:) Your loved ones would want you to be happy. Allow yourself to enjoy life and know that you deserve great things!!! Write me anytime if you want to talk:) Hugs, Manic


being happy is a scarey emotion when we expect the worse and lots of us are our own worst nightmare, we sabatage for no reason other than we think its wrong to be happy.

why dont u change just a little thing that u feel comfortable with moving on as u become more accustomed to the idea that its ok to be happy.

mani clove is right our loved ones do want us to be happy, and forfill our dreams even if they arent with us, its tough but the drowning sensation does fade eventually

keep posting and chattin hon

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

Hi Kellie,

Maniclove is right we all deserve to be happy in our lives and satisfied with where we are at. To some this doesn't come easy and like you said it is much easier to keep everyone else happy than ourselves. But in the long run it will always be us who suffer from being so strong for others than for who we need to be.

I feel like I have a little in common with you, sometimes when everything is going well in my life and I am finally on track with things I find a way to sabotage this because I am not comfortable with how I am feeling.

I spend more time worry about everyone else and what they are thinking and it wastes so much of my energy and time when I should just let in be.

We need to care for ourselves as being number 1 priority. It is hard to let this happen but when you are ready you will find this challenge to be a good one. Keep your head up high and be proud of who you are. These un-settled feelings which you will soon be able to recognise what they are and why you feel the way you do. It is all a learning curve and with the right supports in our life we can make it all together.

Thinking of you :)

Hi Kelie,
We just started a new year and I am sure you want a new beginning right? Would you be willing to start a new routine? Try deciding on one thing you can do a week that would bring a smile to your face. Just sit still in a quiet room and think about what one action you could do that would make you feel good. Then build on that idea as the weeks go by. For example, there is one thing that I enjoy doing and that is visiting the Barnes & Noble Booksellers and being able to stay there skimming books for as long as I want. Sometimes I am in that store for 2 hours. The whole time I am in there I am happy. Now it's your turn. You decide on the one thing that you can do that makes you happy and take the action to do it. Remember, one thing a week okay?