Am beginning to think maybe I am totally to blame . Maybe I

Am beginning to think maybe I am totally to blame . Maybe I drove him away . Maybe I am the one with the problem. ..all I know is that I have done everything I can to be a decent wife and mum. My kids are adults now and are keeping me going. How can someone treat you like a queen one day and despise you the next.

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You did nothing wrong - the game plan from day one was to make you think that. Big hugs xx

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@Ferne1001 don’t apologise Hun, you are a victim and you are allowed to feel emotional. The lies are unreal and do take a lot of getting head round but remember none of this is on you. Big hugs xx

Because they know they can. I have come to recognize that much of life is about the struggle for power. It's e

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I have had those feeling too. That maybe I'm overreacting to what has been going on. But as soon as I tell someone what has been happening they are in shock. We have appeared to have the perfect marriage so nobody knows how awful he has been to me. But I'm not crazy and it's not my fault that he has treated me this way. And it not your fault either.

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Friends... ok. SECRET friends... shady af.

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They both brought me down to rock bottom. The name calling…paranoid, crazy, obsessed, drama queen, off the planet, mental, a screwball. And I had been a shoulder for her to cry on many many hours in the past…sometimes she would stay all night. Why did I not see this coming? Each time I tried to talk about my fears he would yell in my face or storm off in a rage telling me to " get off her case."
Always defending her and leaving me with an ambiguous parting shot which tortured me even more.

Do you want to remain with him or not? What do you think?

trouble is…once the trust is broken and you KNOWyou have been lied to, well…it’s pretty hard to separate the wheat from the chaff.
And doubly hard to suppress your fears of I

So, what do you want to do about this? Can you hang on despite this abuse?

You yourself feel that it is emotional abuse. Thats why you tagged emotional abuse there, right? You know the situation best. You also tagged narcissist here so I assume you've gone through the list of red flags. Why not read up more about NPD and manipulative people then decide the best course of action.

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But if I were in your shoes though, dear, the night he threw me out the door with no clothes on would have been the last time he saw me.

Mental abuse and just as worse as physical abuse. It took me 3 years to leave my father's child, but I couldn't handle it anymore. I sometimes think too, was it my fault? But at the end of the day, I'm always happy with my decision besides missing my baby girl.

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Yes. Leave him and dont look back. NO CONTACT!

Ferne, you don't deserve that kind of treatment, don't blame yourself, FightingDreamer is right, don't let him keep hurting you, please take care of yourself. We're here for you. Have a good day. Have trust in yourself. :-)

Thank you for your generous support. Kicking myself for letting it all out. Wanted to keep my dignity and preserve diplomacy to the bitter end.
Now I have exposed what I should have kept private.

I don't know about all of that, you need to vent though, holding it in isn't healthy. Please don't feel you said anything that caused you to lose your dignity. We all have issues we are dealing with, and we are here to support, not judge. Please don't feel you have shared something that makes you feel bad. Thanks for sharing. Take care. :)

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That's what the narc wants you to think. I was always told I was the problem and I was blamed for everything that I started to question myself slowly falling into his controlling, manipulative trap. I started to listen to his complaints about family and friends. I noticed how he placed the blame on them as well for everything and never took responsibility for his actions or decisions. So I begin to think that he was doing this to me behind my back as well which explains why many of his friends and family members disliked me especially when we experienced issues that they were privy to the details.

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