Am I crazy? My girlfriend and I just broke up. That’s not

Am I crazy?
My girlfriend and I just broke up. That’s not much of a problem I’ve been looking to spilt up as she’s a terrible partner. Constantly ignoring me for video games. Always telling me how she doesn’t care etc when we do have conversations her responses are nothing more than ‘hm. Oh. Huh. Yeah’ and it’s frustrating. So I’m not upset that we’re over im upset that I’m losing my routine. Someone to rub this menthol stuff on my back for me (I have extreme back pains) someone to talk to about my day (my friends don’t really answer. Busy I guess. And I’m not close with my family) I’ve been treated bad by others before. And the only reason I put up with her for so long idk my guess is convenience is why I stayed so long I’ve never lived so physically close to a partner nor have I spent so much time with anyone ever. I do believe I have separation anxiety.
But here’s why I think I’m crazy.
I’m a control freak. I ask her to have her text “read” on always as well as the Snapchat map. I can’t help it it bothers me if it’s not in. Part of it is to prove her wrong when she lies (she lies quite often) so I like to have that form of proof. I hate being ignored. When she ignores my messages and calls I get furious. I start yelling and saying “you’re the worst. If you’re not gonna talk about it over text I’m coming over rn. Watch what’s gonna happen. Etc” (and I have gone over many times. Calmly though and politely.) its just. I don’t think I’d react that way ignoring she’d respect me. For example she’ll spend 10 hours on video games completely ignoring me and I’m trying to express that I need her and I’m feeling depressed or overwhelmed etc. she should want to help me feel better right away in my opinion not yell at me that I’m interrupting her video game. Like i was expressing suicidal feelings once and she was going on like I don’t care you’re interrupting. A lot of what she does is hurtful so I guess that’s why I have so much rage towards her. So then I think to myself I’m not crazy bc she’s the only person I have these feelings towards and she’s the only person wronging me. So I must not be. THEN I think. Maybe I’m crazy.
Because. I’m still trying to allow her the chance to stay in my life. Long story short the other day I was like what’s your attitude about it’s hurting me etc. and she was like I don’t love u as much as u think I do I don’t want a future with u etc. so I was like no you’re just mad and grumpy that you didn’t get ur video game alone time but fine you can have it it’s fine. (Because that’s what she does she gets mad once a week or so says she doesn’t like me I calm her down and she chills out and we get dinner. So I tried to patch things up bc she’s acting the same way. Or so I thought.) so she is talking to her ex. Who she cheated on me with twice and is always talking about. And after ALL THAT I’m still like you’re ok we’ll be ok after you get some space and game time etc. so I think I’m crazy.
AS WELL AS THAT.
I think I’m crazy bc I have an obsessive need to have someone to talk to at all times. I also have this thing where I freak out when my routine changes. I do have Aspergers by the way. But. Now that we’re done. No more dinner dates. Arcades. Walks at night. Snuggles at my house. Shopping dates. I liked doing that. And with my friends it’s hard to go out bc we all have school and work and a couple of them have kids and one of them just likes to be alone. So I don’t really have anyone to do that stuff with unless I’m dating someone. So Idk. I guess I have to find someone but regardless.
I think I’m crazy.

1 Heart

it sounds like you have some issues in your life, as do most of us. I agree, a partner should be able to stop and just offer time to sit and listen, be supportive. when you don't have that, it gets ugly in a hurry, often with some yelling and hurt feelings, nothing good comes from that. it is not easy to leave but it sounds like you might be better off by yourself for a while and work on your self.

@Griz75 yes but that’s the other thing I literally can’t be alone.

@NormalFreak101 I usually just cry.