Am I crazy?

I am a Christian woman. I was in a church for a very long time that taught the wife to submit to her husband completely and let God handle it if he was cruel or mean or hurtful. For some reason my husband decided to leave that church, and even though I deeply desire to be in church, it has been through leaving there that I have learned that God does not condone nor does He mean for women/wives to be treated like this by their husbands. This has given me the fire in me to get myself strong and free, but I still fear the day of making the decision to leave. I still feel like I will be hurting him in some way. He is always saying things like when you are finished with school (I am in school for nursing, I have graduated with my RN, but am now finishing my BSN and will be starting my MSN for nurse practitioner) you'll leave me,and in order to appease him and avoid the horrible psychological abuse that follows I have to say no I'm not, but I want to so badly. So I am afraid of really hurting him now when I do leave. I'm so scared right now to rock the boat at all. He has never hit me yet. I say yet because I know that is a possibility, but he beats me up with words and just with his attitude. If he is mad or upset about something it is almost like being attacked or beaten just by the attitude he throws around. I know this may not make any sense, but I hope it does to someone because it makes me feel like I am crazy.

Hi Sierrajayne,
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. But the good news is, there is definitely a way out of every situation we are in.
My husband has a very bad temper and he lets it out on me. It is the form of psychological abuse. So I know exactly what you are going through. I have to say none of us deserves to be spoken to disrespectfully. Husbands should take care of their wives. You are a nurse and I am sure you are a very wonderful person because you have chosen a profession where you are giving up your life to help others. I do have to say though, you need to be able to take care of yourself FIRST before you can take care of others. You know you must leave him because in the long run, it is definitely unhealthy to you overall well-being.
Women generally know when it is time to give up on a relationship and most of the time, when we follow our heart, we will know what to do. Trust me, no women should go through life like that. I know the scripture says we, women should be submissive to the husband, however, it does say that husbands should do their part in taking care of their wives, like how they take care of their own body. From the looks of what you have written here, he seems to be ignorant about your feelings.
If you strongly believe he can change, you can bring him back to church, give him a second chance.
Dr. Phil has written some insightful articles about Emotional Abuse.
Another one,

I hope this helps. Please let us know how else we can help as we are always here for you Sierrajayne.
Take good care of yourself and remember you are worth more than that!

Thank you. I totally agree with you about what the scripture says. I do know I have to leave. I used to pray for God to change my husband and perform a miracle in my marriage, but he has killed every ounce of love I have for him. I don't want that anymore. I want out and to be free. I know that is what needs to happen. I just have to get there now. thanks for your encouragement. It is so nice to know there are people who really do understand what I am saying.

You are definitely not alone. Pray for strength and courage and He will hold your hands through this trying time. If you need someone to talk to, just let us know, we are here to support you through it. Every little bit of encouragement can go a long way.
Have a lovely day and I hope to know how you are doing.

Thanks Michaela. It is just really strange. I just thought about it today. In order to just make this bearable I have to sell myself so short. My hubs and I had a textversation (that is a conversation via text message) that I had to sell myself so short to appease him and make my life not a living hell.

Oh and I almost had a huge tragedy. I have a journal I keep,a nd he is known to go through my things, my purse, anything he wants to to find stuff. No respect. I came home from work last night and thought he had gone through my bag and read my journal. While that would have probably ended this it would have been horrible and may have sent him over the edge. Not ready to handle that yet.

Well I am plugging away, and I know God is with me, and He is with you too.

I can understand where you are right now my ex was very good at intimidation, there was nothing left of me when we parted. so take care to preserve yourself right now. My ex did read my journal and it was intense.

I know you will make the move when the time is right.

I am glad you see the fact that you are selling yourself too short and the good thing is you are ready to do something about it. I agree with Stormfan10. The only thing you can do is to protect and preserve yourself. Take care of yourself first.

I never keep journals. Everything I keep is either in my email (which is password protected) or in my brain, places where I can trust because it is better to be safe than sorry.

Keep a distance from him, and keep him suttle. You can start by telling him you are participating in a support group or a voluntary community. This way, you can learn to live a life with him less involved in it. Plan your day and make it busy so that when the transition is required you won't feel such a hit when it happens, because, (1) you knew this would happen and (2) life is too busy for me just to think about myself because too many other people's lives are involved in this if something does happen to me. In a way, you do it for others so that is one strategy to keep yourself sane.

Finally, pray for strength and know that God is with you and have faith that He will guide you through this journey.

I am so sorry for what you have to endure. I was married for 20 years to a man who was psychologically abusive. The hardest part was just making the decision to leave. After that, the rest fell into place at the right times. I was in college, and was so afraid I'd have to wait until I graduated, before I could leave. I don't remember how the idea came to me, but I went to the financial aid office to see if I could qualify for anything. Surprise! I most certainly did!! That was one of the happiest days of my life; I knew then that I could leave when I wanted to, that nothing was going to get in my way. Yes, I had to take out student loans, but the repayment was worth every moment of my ulcer-free existence! I wish you a lot of luck Sierra. It is a difficult road, but the end result - your happiness - will be worth every moment!!