Am I Mad Bad or Sad

Hi I'm new to this hear it goes. I will cut it down a bit to save time. I met my wife 11 years ago and was happy together for a number of years at the start and supported each other. I told her before seeing that I had had anger issues and had seen a therapist for this. We were trying for children but were told due to my wife having her menopause at 11 should get pregnant. We then traveled away to start a new life. This is when my wife started with her depression and was in therapy. This was the first time my wife mentioned her physical and mental abuse. I always thought there was more to it as she described somethings that had been similar to my own life experiences but she got angry when I done this. We went abroad for a new life but had to come back to a different part of the country. We were both scared and worried. We had a huge row I said extremly spiteful things and kicked a table breaking my toes and through a pizza across the room. I was shouting at her that most of us have **** life, I was beaten and by my father and others. I asked her why it her life had been so bad and then it came out that mum and dad had sexually abused her as well. Since then my temper got worse as our lives went on. Work has been **** for both of us for, I have great job know but most of its been a hell roller coaster. My wife has now been in therapy for about 5 years and I for 10 weeks maybe 6 sessions both on anti-deppresents. Over the years my wife has been off work for over half of our 11years together. We dont have any family and have no close friends. As things have got worse so has my temper ended with me hitting my wife 3 times in about 3 years I have said the most hurtful things you could say in a rage and ended up being bulling and controling. She doesn't deserve this I know but have felt alone for years and unable to cope. I am know on my own and she has left me on Monday. She had suffered bulling at work and fasle facebook profiles say shes a barren *****, pregnant, lesbian, etc. Also verbal and mental abuse frrom this work collegue. 14 Months of this on no end in site. This just typical of the circus our lives together were. She has also been sent checks for bowel cancer and just to top it her back has put in bed for the last 2 weeks she is now in acute pain and having operation to remove a piece of bone out her disc also she has the last three disc gone and my have to get these replaced if possible. She feels as though she will have no life and end up in wheel chair for life her parents are still out their shes not strong enough for court and facebook goes on. I know I have hurt her and am ashamed, but is this just too much to bear. Im I mad, bad or sad.

Yes one can be a product of their environment thats forsure & glad your letting out any & all frustrations your feeling, its good if you've decided to continue to go to therapy as it can help to lead, guide, teach what the heck is going on within so its not repeated in life & how to not keep drama continuing in any form. I'm sorry that you've had such experiences in your life and are acknowledging them its a long haul & journey & we're all here for you if & when you care to talk so more can learn from others out there.

April

Thanks April. I will carry on with my therapy and learn how to deal with things in a positive way. I just wished I got more help when I knew there was problem and didn't end up hurting someone I loved so much. The therapy had started to work but I kept forgeting my meds and I think this just tipped me over the edge. I have to realise that I had become one of those that had blighted my life. I would advise anyone who feels life slipping out of control to seek this kind of help before it starts to eat you up. You are stronger when you can realise that you need help. No type of violence or abuse is worth it, I can know put myself in my wifes position and realise that bullying and controlling beheavior will hurt you both in the end, solve nothing and drive you apart. I can't wind back the clock but I will never again let this behevior hurt anyone. Never again will forget to stop and smell the roses, my wife may be gone but I won't fall in to trap of apathy again. My only fighting in my future I hope is against my negitive thoughts.

HERE, HERE, its soothing to know some people out there do get IT!!!!! I kinda wondered :-)

Hi april I read your own story and you have had a tough old time of it. All I can say is I'am sure that you will recorver from this in time if you keep on trying. I think with me and my partner two car crashes together was always going to end in carnage. I shall be more honest with myself in the future. You have to put your self first sometimes for good of all of those around us. Keep your thoughts positive and try and take time out to something you enjoy. When I feel as though I'am going on a downer I grab my dog and go for a walk. Being in fresh air, different surrounding and moving seems to help me. : )

Hey Sparky,
It's good that you put it all down, and you realise what you and your wife are going through. Although you have much work to do by yourself and with your wife...you are very capable.

Taking your meds is so important right now...put a post it somewhere so you won't forget. I am so sori your wife is in so much pain both mental and physical. I hope the physical is put right soon. I can't believe that people she is working with are acting this way toward her, it sounds so devastating...i don't know how people in all good conscious can do that to someone and not feel utter guilt after. I hope she realised somewhere inside her those believe obviously have no lives to be so cruel to someone and this is their form of entertainment...it is sick.

You seem like you love your wife and want to make this work very much. Have you let her know this? Really tell her let her know that you want to heal the damage that your childhood history and history as a couple as caused and you want a new start, not by starting new, but by making right. Sometimes we drift along never telling the people we love what we really feel, using the word -sorry and I love so passively, but never REALLY REALLY sitting and saying you mean so much to me and really letting her know....because she needs you so much right now, but she also needs to know it's not the same thing, different day, that it is the start of something fresh.

Are you getting help for your anger issues specifically?...it is so important that you do, so that you can say that you will never raise a hand to the woman you love again...let this be a new start to a chapter of your relationship.

I am so sorry for your abuse as a child, and I hope you are really working through this and learning to cope with it. You are a good person and never deserved that, sometimes that is the key to a healthy recovery...realising that, that was their issues not yours and you were just innocent and an easy target. You deserve a great future...and I really hope you find that happiness.

I hope your wife continues with her treatment and makes progress. I don't know if she is strong enough right now to report those bullies, because that idea can be very stressful. But these people need to be put in their place.

Maybe direct your wife to this site too, she can talk to people who understand how she feels and she won't feel alone through this.

I wish you two all the best...I think you know that your marriage is worth the work.

You are in my thoughts and prayers
Moongal x