I have had sexual relationships with women before but never really dated a woman. It was always men. I always thought of me getting married to a man and having kids.( I have one kid now but never married) But when I am watching porn I only seem to watch lesbian porn. Or I just fantasize about women. I do get off on it also. I dont understand and I dont know which way to go. I have only had one crush on one woman before and actually really wanted to date her and see where it would go but I never did cause I think she didnt think I was actually serious about it and that I was probably just curious but I seriously had feelings for her. I still think of her off and on. I havent talked to her in 3 years. Part of me wishes i could've seen where it would've went between us. That is my story. Any advice could help or just people that relate to what I feel could help also
I have also forgot to add that I am with a man right now for about 7 months now. He is a good guy and I do love him but yeah everything else I said up top confuses me with my sexuality. Sex is also ok with him I just wish he would do more fourplay in my opinion. I want him to go down but yeah of course he has never done that before. It drives me insane that he hasnt tried it already.
Faith, only you can figure out what to do or which way to go. If you're bisexual and are with a man and happy I can't see that you need to change anything. Maybe you could just acknowledge to yourself that you have sexual fantasies about women. However, if your feelings become too strong and you meet a woman who would at least experiment with you it might not be such a bad thing. I do understand that it's difficult, believe me I do. Listen to this screwed up mess that is my life: I came out a long time ago and swore off men for life. Then I met a man over ten years later whom I became very close friends with (no sex, I was still a lesbian). The year after we met he was arrested and convicted for something he didn't do. Long story short I fell in love with him and married him a few years later (in prison). He's still incarcerated and could get out soon or could never get out. Meanwhile, my feelings for women have resurfaced. I have recently met some lesbians and find myself attracted to a couple of them. Now I'm wondering whether or not I want to be with my husband IF he gets out. If he doesn't get out we'll divorce and I'm sure I'll go back to women. Problem solved. But what if he does? I already think I would rather be with women. Most of these new lesbians I know don't know I'm married and I feel fake and embarrassed around them. Oh well so much for that. This is a dilemma I've been struggling with internally for a few months now. I hope it ends soon. The wondering is driving me CRAZY! It's so much easier to KNOW if you're straight or gay instead of wondering or realizing you're bisexual and then trying to figure out who to be with more. I think in that case most people just get with whoever they meet and fall in love with and don't even worry about their sex. I don't know that I helped you but I hope I did in some way!
Well thanks. It helps to know I am not the only one and I am sorry you are going through all that. Yeah that does seem very hard. I hope it all works out for you. I just dont want to hurt anyone trying to figure out if I am just bisexual or just gay. If my man would know what goes on in my head I dont know what he would think. I just tell him I am bisexual and he does accept that but he doesnt know that I am trying to figure things out in my sexuality. It can be so frustrating.
I know how exactly you feel. I have been doing so much reading of human sexuality because I get so confused on which way to go (I'm starting therapy in 2 days, thank goodness). Like you, I watch lesbian porn to get off, but then I would feel disgusting with myself. However, I have never been with a woman, never kissed one, nothing. One time back in high school I had an urge to kiss a friend of mine, just to see what kissing was like (this was before having a 1st kiss), but that was only a phase for like a month. Bisexuality definitely makes it hard to decipher which gender to prefer. I read that if you fantasize about something long enough, it become the illusion that it's what we actually want. The illusion of wanting something is different that the reality of what's actually right for you. I too have been contemplating which side to bat for, however I have only had crushes on men, only wanted to be with men, only had sex with men. It's not quite fulfilling, but that's because I have not fallen in love yet. This is the part that scares me the most. I worry about that I haven't found "the one" yet is because maybe I actually am into women, but just don't know it yet. It's actually one of my greatest fears to be a lesbian. But the twist is, when my head hits the pillow at night, I still wonder where my PRINCE Charming is.
Your experiences sounds like it stems from curiosity with a hint of bisexuality. Thoughts like that can make a person crazy. I know it's hard to do, but just accept your feelings for whoever it may be, male or female. Remember, it's who you fall in love with, not who you are worried about being attracted too.
All the best,
mmb