Am I over dramatic?

So I need an honest answer on this, please I can take it, I'm a big girl...

I've kinda been having a rough time of late, I suffer from BED and depression. I have this awful feeling that nobody genuinely loves me, people say they do cos they would feel too guilty to admit they don't but anyway going on following from a previous fight from the day before my mam turns to be and says "what do you want, what do you want, we provide for you, we love you, you don't even know what you want and is that therapist really doing anything for you?".

All I could say is that I felt unloved and unsupported, and she said how, tell me how, of course we love you, we're not going to throw our arms around you everyday but we love you. So I went to my room and I wrote a note detailing what I wanted...basically it said

-I need you to not make me feel ashamed cos I have depression
- I need you to not make me feel like I'm being lazy because of it
- I need you to not tell me these feelings are all in my head and I'm the only who can do anything about it
- I need you to believe in me and have faith that I can get through this

In tears I came back into the kitchen and handed this note to my mam with my dad sitting beside her, I was too embarrased to stay and ran as fast I could out of the room...we're Irish this kind of display of emotion is not done.
3 mins later she comes back into my room and tells me that she thinks that how I feel is all in my head, I'm the only one who can help me, and that I'm being a "tad over dramatic" about the whole thing. It's as if she didn't take one thing from it and read and absorb it. It took so much for me to do that, it really did.

So was I? Was it too much? If it was then what's the point in saying anything? That was such an embarrasing thing for me to do, but I did it, for them and I get rejected back. My heart feels broken after it.

i dont think you are over dramatic honestly

Hi Moongal, I am so sorry for how you are feeling sweetie. I have two amazing parents, though my father freezes up at tears and always told us not to cry or show emotion. Whereas, my mother is the polar opposite of that. Its always been difficult expressing my emotions around my father and I came to the realization a long time ago that he doesn't understand anything beyond being very strong and put together all of the time.

I truly believe in the saying "Never judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes...", and that's the way I look at life in general. I remember when I was having severe dizzy spells and hand numbness in my hands and feet continually, I never felt so alone. I tried to explain to friends why I couldn't go out, and I explained what was going on to my family. In a way, I feel that everyone just thought I was being dramatic and over-exaggerating. It made me feel so alone and in a way like I was creating these things in my mind and should toughen up. So, I can understand how you are feeling and I am just so very sorry for that.

I definitely think that you did the right thing by expressing your feelings openly to your mom, though maybe give it a bit of time to digest. She may think that she is truly doing her best, and it may take a bit of time and adjusting for her to be there for you in the way that you need her to be. If you can continue slowly but surely openly letting her know how you are feeling, then she will catch-up. Though, don't allow this to take away from your recovery and healing. It's about you now, and it's important to keep focus and energy on yourself. I got to a point where I stopped caring what others thought about my condition and I completely focused on my healing. I noticed that when I gave others too much attention, then it would stress me out and make me worse.

Please know that I am here for you always. I know how you are feeling now and I only want for you to feel good and happy. You are so well on your way, I know that you are. It's all about giving yourself the time and energy to go through this healing and recovery process. You are in my thoughts and prayers always. Sending you many big hugs.

In recent years there is slowly beginning to be more education and awareness about depression. However, if a person doesn't go looking for that understanding and acceptance they are not going to find it. I do not think that you are over reacting and I am so proud of you for expressing your needs and trying to set boundaries. Is it possible though that your parents don't really understand depression? I came across a very helpful book called "What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed" by Mitch Golant and Susan K. Golant. If your parents don't "get it" maybe they are accusing you of having it all in your head and minimizing how it is affecting you because they don't know a more approapriate way to approach it? I think that this book could help your parents to learn what the role of a loving supporter should look like?? In the mean time, stay strong, you are worth it and even though you are facing emotional barriers, we are all here for you!!

Hey guys,
thanks for the replies. I went and sat with my parents for a while. My mum I spoke with a little and she wants to send me off into in patient treatment, she thinks the binge eating is the root of all evils, but she still doesn't understand that I am asking her for support, I hope she will, dad had to go out working for a small while after, but when he came back he didn't much talk about it but I could see he had the note tucked into his pocket, that meant something to me. It's like he's trying where as Mam is so confused she wants the quick fix now...to either send me off or up my tablet dosage when what I was asking was for support. That's all...I don't understand how that is so hard for her to comprehend. I have offered that she read the book I have by Geneen Roth but she refuses saying she doesn't think it's her type of thing.

Mam says she suffers from depression, she is on the same anti-depressants as I am and I do remember her crying a lot when I was a child. But she never suffered quite as bad as me well not to my recollection anyway.

She seems to think it's me against her, when I have said "it's not me against you mam". I love her but I am so frustrated at the illness and I feel so bad for having it and now I feel like I am hurting her by having it, so by being honest I didn't do the right thing either?

She asked me to asked my therapist is there any in patient treatments for my BED, I said there wasn't any cos there isn't, I know she wants to send me there and just hopes that this "thing" will magic away.

I love my mam but how do I protect her and manage myself too, my Dad seems to be coping really well with it.

Thanks guys
Moongal x

honey, Maybe your mam feels guilty that you suffer the same way she does, there are some hereditary traits to depression, and mental illness. she's struggling with her own issues, and the fact that she passed them on to you. Be strong for yourself, and that strength will carry over to your parents too. be well, take care of you, Red

Hey thanks Red,
I realised later that wasn't my note that my Dad had tucked into my pocket which i found a little disappointing. I don't think my mum feels guilty about it, she would say to me if she did, she kinda twists things to make me feel guilty by saying things like "nothing that I say is right"...it's like she doesn't get that it's not me versus her I'm not trying to fight with her, I don't want to, I really really don't, i'm bad enough with the "black dog" on my back, I need her so much and it's like she doesn't get that.

I want her to understand and see how painful it is. Do i need to have a psychotic break before that happens?

I feel I'm trying to help them "deal" with me, when I find it hard to deal with me, it's really heartbreaking on both sides.

I hope you are well Red
Love to you
Moongal x

Moongal, I think that you and your mom took a step in the right direction by having an open and honest talk. I think that this is not something that will happen overnight. Try not to be frustrated, but know that it may take time and patience for her to truly understand that you need her and her support. And, I am sure that your father read your letter, though if he is anything like my father, I am sure he took it in and will not discuss it unless you bring it up to him. I just don't want all of this taking away from your recovery process and healing. You need to focus on you right now, and not on everyone else and what they are thinking. Try to keep things light with your parents for now, and continue on this path. It may feel lonely, but know that you are doing this for your long-term health and well-being. We are always here for you, here to hold your hand through this.

I know that your parents will catch-up eventually, it may just take some time. Sending you big hugs & lots of love.

Well, In thier mind, you seem overdramatic.

My family basically disowned me, and it's ok, I finally realised... it's not me thats the problem. I couldn't function, the depression was so bad, I became homeless, couldn't work, lost everything i owned, had a dad that called me an Asshole, Poeple call me lazy, a bum. It took a church congregation to help me get out of it, and of faith in myself, help from the VA, and almost two years of lots of positives to fight the negatives, I have a negative family... and I cut them off, to save myself.
Last Christmas, I decided to join them for dinner, as Im sitting there enjoying the Prime rib and thinking " I'm really eating like a king" after a year on the street, I'm hearing my family complain about the quality of the prime rib, that costco may have ripped them off! I'm like wow! negativity on christmas!

That evening, I announce to all my family that I am going back to college, to seminary to earn my Masters degree and maybe go into ministry and counceling.

My aunt pauline Hugs me and says she is proud of me, My mom and dad?.... well, my mom says, why would you do that? My dad, says well, if that is what ur gonna do.....

The point is, I realised I wasn't the problem, I grew up with the problem, and also realised that I don't live my life to please my parents.

You do what you gotta do to get better for yourself, not your family.

I don't think you are being dramatic at all. No one who is depressed does it on purpose. No one wants to feel that way, who would choose this. I suffered from a bout of depression 3 years ago and I have suffered with an eating disorder for 6 so I know how hard it is. You feel the way you feel, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. You mom is probably just having her own issues because she has never dealt with it. Unless someone has been depressed or had an eating disorder they do not understand the depth and intensity of the feelings that come with them. If you need to talk just send me a supporter request or message me. No matter what, be proud that you did make the effort to get the support you need, it appears you family just still doesn't know how to support you.

I agree, parents can often feel like failures when they see their child suffering and want a quick fix to reassure their own insecurities. I understand how your mom is, mine is similar, she said she wanted to sign me up for nutrisystem where they send you food in the mail to eat and you dont worry about planning food. She thought it would teach me to eat normal amounts and eat balanced meals. I flipped, I thought to my self like HONESTLY, MOTHER I am a personal trainer and in school for this, you think I don't know how to eat? I teach people this stuff every day, and how does she think this is still about food??? I often have to write to my parents too because they get argumentative and defensive, so in my opinion, you are being completely reasonable!

MG..I echo most everyone else. Your parents may see you as being 'over' dramatic, but that's their misperception. They can't know your pain, just as I can't know the pain my patients may be feeeling, but it's subjective, so I/you must take their word for it.
Your parents may not be able to 'go there', in terms of talking 'deep', but don't let that stop YOU! You do deserve help, and I hope you get it! Take care...Jan ♥

Hey guys,
Thanks so much for your replies. I am finally realising I think that it takes patience with people to relate to them. and no they will not always get it, I would love for them to say look I don't understand but I will be here for you anyway...but I can't put words in their mouths either so I'm finding a few deep breaths during moments like this really helps...20 if things are pretty bad, not to push down how I'm feeling but to try and think to myself what they are saying is a misunderstanding.

The more I go into therapy the more I realise to recover you have to start understand actually how other people especially those around you work too and to kinda understand their misunderstandings with you. It's funny how people think when you actually think about it...they can say things like "oh but you broke up with him a year a go, how are you not over it yet?" "or there are people in waaay worse situations than you" "or look how good you've got it" "why would that make you anxious"....basically what they are saying is how come you are not coping with things emotionally and mentally they way I have or the way I believe you should be.

But no one ever ran up to me and said "that's weird you look different to me"..."You've grown taller than me" "there are so many people in the world with brown eyes, that's weird how you don't". And in order to start to accept yourself you kinda have to understand that in many ways people will not understand how you feel and cope with things.

Recovery and people are so so complex, it's amazing and scary all at the same time:/

Love ye
Moongal x

If I my offer some counceling from biblical view, Simply love your parents regardless of what they may seem to feel towrds you, Pray for patience, or ask god for patience... and most of all, exorsize your personal demons out of you by building a strong positive mind, develop your mental armor by doing active, healthy, fun, things.

It will seem hard at first, and it will take lots of willpower.

Thanks Ron,
i'm in therapy at present, and building some understanding, I think through understanding what's going on with me and what's going on with them makes it easier to cope, cos as sometimes as empathetic as we try to be we can't feel as others feel and can't understand why someone would feel that way.

I am angry I realise that, and I've carried it in a pressurised container for a very long time. Hopefully by realising it I can get through it.

Thanks
MG x

Xoxoxo

Perhaps you experience the anger because of your inability to get your parents to understand?

The main thought I would give you is that you can't control how others react, you can only control yourself....
Making positive efforts to improve your life and finding ways to not focus on what others do will help you heal rapidly from the bouts of depression.

Developing mental armor and skills to keep you in a positive mind will prevent or lessen the potential of depression down the road. Part of this is moving on from how your emotions are regarding your parents, not looking back, but looking forward