Am I the only one who finds it difficult to remember what I used to talk to my wife about before DDay? What is a normal conversation?
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Brother I was sitting on the couch an hour ago thinking the same exact thing.
Do you find yourselves talking about the affair all the time? How long has it been? I think we did that for a long time but now it is not talked about much. I am not sure I like that as it is still always on my mind. At the same time she needs to move on from a guilt perspective.
@jchere I find myself talking about how I move on from it and talking to her about the process and my feelings.
I was thinking this 2 days ago. I find i dont have much to say to him these days. I dont contribute to the conversation a lot. I cant remember what we used to talk about either.
I am coming up on 1st anniversary of Dday. We haven't talked about the affair in probably 5 months.
We are at 10 months since dday and the one thing I hate is having the elephant in the room. I know we both are always aware of it. Watching a movie or a conversation at a dinner party or just talking between the two of us, the affair topic comes up. Not always directly but enough that we are uncomfortable. We talked about alot of the same things before the affair but we never had the elephant in the room, judging every comment or topic. I think that will take 18 to 24 months to go away.
This is really fresh for me, but a couple of times we have had a pleasant, normal conversation. Then I think "wtf, how can be just act normal after THIS"... Then I remember it's not new for him. His life didn't unravel a few mornings ago. this was already real for him last week, a few weeks ago on our anniversary, a few months ago when our baby was born. .. ****.
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My wife told me the same thing this isn't fresh to her.
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There's no such thing as normal. Ur conversations now are just what they r.
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@Coco11 My thoughts exactly! No such thing as normal anymore.
at first that was all we did then after 4 months I stopped trying cause if I wanted to work it out we needed to talk about other things. Now we set aside time to talk about it, normally after therapy. This whole thing stinks and I always wonder how she would be if the shoe was on the other foot.
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@DRPR I think that too sometimes. Ironically my wife is not that into sex while I am but she has the affair. It was not about sex and that is where it is different. If I did it it would be about sex…but I wouldn’t do it because I am so into her sex wise. Then that drives me crazy cause I think she must have been into the sex (cause that is what I think about). Anyway the “shoe in the other foot” is complicated because it would have been for other reasons.
Escape was the key word for my wife's affair....we were under pressure my business, she was working, we had a neice staying with us and my two oldest moved home from university and my youngest finished highchool. Suddenly my wife's life (basically as stay a home mom) was upside down. Right at the peak of all this her high school boyfriend calls out of the blue. They meet for lunch, two weeks later they meet at a conference he is at near our home, have sex, we go on a vacation for a few weeks and when we return I figure out the texting and confesses. Total 5 Weeks and she has no idea why and is able to drop him like that.
We have since unraveled a million reasons in therapy but I won't go over it here.
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@jchere sounds very similar… very simialr
@Big08 yup, fantasy is the key word. Statistically divorse rates are 50% but their is also a stat that says 75% of men are happy in marriage and only 40% of women are happy. In my neighborhood we have a lot of couple friends and of about let's say 75 couples we know fairly well over 20 years, 15 got divorced. Not the norm, so maybe it is a strange area but of the 15 all but one was the woman tossing the guy out. Just not happy. My wife admits she has no idea what makes her happy, when she wants sex, etc. I feel good about work. time with my kids, a work out or hockey game, sex and I am done...living in heaven.
I hope I am not offending any female readers here. But what is important here is timing. My wife has a guy she knows call when the stars are alighned and she is unsure. If I was tempted maybe I would break but I would not be wondering what my feeling were.
Big08 your not the only one, I also find it difficult. Some days I have nothing to say to my husband and even small talk can be difficult. It has only been a month and a half since I found out about the affair and it does not get any easier.. I believe it gets harder before it gets easier.... Hope it gets better for you.