Am I the Only One Who Hates Online Dating?

I gave up on online dating because it was making me feel horrible. The men were awful in so many ways and I ended up feeling more defensive and self-conscious than ever before as a result of trying it. I don't know if it was online dating specifically, or just the whole concept of dating that was bugging me. I also joined a matchmaking service and nothing good or promising has come of that either. Meeting random men I am not really interested in getting to know isn't exactly my idea of a good time. It seems like my friends who are dating are at least marginally interested in the people they date. I don't know if it's because I never seem to get dates with anyone I'd actually want to date or if it's that I am uncomfortable with the whole process of dating or that I just don't like the vast majority of men in these specific dating pools, but this dating thing is a miserable chore and a waste of time for me. Has anyone else had this experience?

Oh wow Heather, you really have no idea how much I can relate to just about everything that you wrote and feel. It's pretty unbelievable. I've tried online dating several times over the past few years and never had any success with it, maybe because I never exceeded two consecutive months of dating online. My last go at online dating was over the past month, and I closed my account last week and have never felt better. I never met anyone that I connected with online. It was an experience that I plan not to repeat again.

I set my mind to a very positive place and made a commitment to attend events and more social functions where I can meet good quality people.

Also, one of my closest girlfriends called me to catch-up post our time away and she exclaimed "I met someone great". I was ecstatic for her. She told me that a friend called her to go out for a glass of wine, she said that she felt exhausted and had no want to go out, but felt that she should for her friend. So, she threw on a casual outfit and didn't put a lot of effort in her appearance. Long story short, her friend ran into a friend, who was there with a group of his friends. Of that group, there was a guy who she ended up talking to all night. They've been out numerous times and I see a pretty solid future for the two of them. I've never heard her so happy and confident about a man. He has friends coming into town for New Years weekend and she's meeting all of them. The moral of that story, is that I believe it can happen when you least expect it.

I am not giving up on love. I love the idea of being in a relationship, though it's up to me to put myself out there. I want to meet people through people and get to know them as a friend first and then see where and how things progress.

I know that you will have love in your life. I understand how frustrating it can be, I definitely reached a boiling point last week, and that's why I'm no longer online and took a mini break from dating. After New Years, I plan to get myself back out there. Sometimes it's good and healthy to take a break from it all, and then come back to it with a fresh perspective.

I signed up for a free online dating service, I am separated and in the process of a divorce.
The first guy I met lived a few miles away, he asked if we could meet, I said sure and suggested a local casino and asked him if he would like to teach me how the slots work.
He responds that he is deathly ill and could we make the date at a later time. ok...sure..why did you ask to meet me then and right away? I thought.
He went on to say his voice is gone from his sickness etc..
I gave him my number and let it be at that.
I proceed to talk to others on this site, blah blah.
That's when this guy calls me up just a day later and leaves a semi rude angry message about me being on the site pursuing others.
His voice was fine, I was floored, what a goof ball.
He lies about being sick, and because we agree to meet in the future, I should not pursue others on this site??

Well now I was curious, I was a Juvie Officer and called my prior employer and asked him to run the name on the caller ID, I was floored to learn he was on house arrest for kidnapping his ex wife at gun point drunk.

So ya, that was my first and probably last with online dating.
Not sure if this was just a one time deal or are a lot of these people on these sites a absolute mess?

and by the way, feel free to laugh, I did after the intial shock wore off.

I agree.I have tried a few different dating sites over the years with with no luck.Not sure I'll ever try them again. They seem to be all about the money. I once spent the money thinking I was going to get serious about trying not to meet someone in a bar, had a year membership and never went on one date.I truly believe that all the woman there are automatically on the defensive. Also no matter what I had put in my interests of who I wanted to meet,they kept setting me up with total opposites. It was very frustrating and a total waste of time full of rejection for me.

heath - did you read the NY Times article I referred to in another post?

Onlie dating is horrible. It never works out no one is who they say they are. They all lie and expect to get into your pants.

I actually met my current fiancé in an online dating site. Can it be scary? Yes. Can the guys on there be pervs? You bet. However the best thing that I ever did was message my man. I didn't wait on him toes sage me. He actually seemed like a great guy when all I had dated was jerks. It was refreshing. Give it another shot. It works for some ppl and doesn't work for others. The site that I met him on was It's free and I met some pretty good guys on there, including my fiancé. Good luck!

I am not even sure I'm online-dating this guy. We met on a dating site and have been talking on facebook almost every day for five/six weeks now, he "has lunch with me" on skype, texts me from hockey games or when I go to concerts to enjoy myself and on the weekends we skype for five, six hrs straight. I'm not sure what this is.
But I agree - it makes me feel bad. One way or the other, right? Cause either this is going to go great which would suck as he lives on a different continent or this will just play itself out, get boring and I'll feel used for all the other things we did/do on skype.
I should delete him, but I'm too weak...

There are way too many people on the online dateing sites that are looking for the wrong thing. I actually belive there is some kind of genitic disadvantage they are experiancing. Granted there are people who are serious and would like to meet mr or mrs right. The only advice I could give anyone is be careful. If it seams to good to be true then that in it self should be a red flag. Take your time, if the other person is earnist then they will never push you into anything. Be honest and let them know your concerns. If they are a sleeze then they will give up quickly. Been there done that. My wife passed away a while ago and I wanted to see if I could start to put my life back together again. Out of 10 people 9 of them were after something else.

I don't have any genetic disadvantages just because I'm online-dating...:(

I thought that after being separated for 2 years and no one of the opposite sex to have even a casual meal with that I was ready to pursue the on-line dating venue. What a mistake!!! First of all I am a 62 year old woman and truly have no idea about dating since in my 20's but gave it a try. The senior sites are insane - I met a few guys for a "coffee" date and felt like a complete idiot. The experience was anything but rewarding. For the most part they all had nothing to offer in the way of friendship or any interests similar to mine. So, the "matching" part of the service was a lie. Guess people say anything to look interesting, but when you meet in person - ugh. Also, where in the hell do they get the pics they post? My pic was taken the day I joined the site - theirs? Let's put it this way - could never had recognized them based upon their on-line photos. Tried 2 sites for 30 days each and gave up.Don't know if I will ever meet anyone, but I guess it is better to be alone then wish you were alone.

Yeah, online dating is weird. I used to put so much stock into finding a great guy on there and now I look at it totally differently. You really just have to be very careful and not much much faith into it I guess. I'm thinking about joining new clubs or something.

It's a bit like kissing frogs. Only every tenth guy will turn into a prince...
I found a nice guy that I'm seeing now though...let's see how that goes in the "long run"...

My interest in online dating started in college. At first, it was more of a collective chat site where you can write different people, free, and they would respond. Probably similar to a blog today.

Then, I took psychology classes and this had some interesting information. The first of these classes was abnormal psychology, which I followed up with the psychology of sexuality. It got Me to looking at dating sites and different types of pornography to try to understand what was going on in them as related to the texts that we were required to read. This was, I should say, before the term " Internet predators" became common.

Oddly, I actually met my wife online. It wasn't through a dating site, but more of a newsgroup.

Through all of this, I maintained and eye on the Internet dating community. This is what I found:

Men outnumber women easily 5 to 1.
Most of the women are fake accounts designed to attract males to other sites.
Most of the men are looking for sex only, and will say anything to get it.
The majority of men who were on dating sites tend to have problems mentally. Simply put, they are unstable and most people can tell this in person so they are regulated online dating.
The men tend to be egotistical and infatuated with their penis size.
The dating sites themselves are often scams set up to separate you from your money.
Even the Better Business Bureau, BBB, has a low opinion of these dating sites.
Very few of the photos are actual people, not models, and may be very old.
Internet dating is a good way to be date raped, raped, rolled, were killed.
The majority of the people on these sites have unusual paraphilias that most find offensive.
A large number tend to have sexually-transmitted diseases due to the vast number of sexual partners that they have/had.

I have actually thought about trying to open one to correct these problems, but I think most people have been burned and won't buy into it.

My luck, as far as dating goes, has been horrible. My wife died some years ago and I have tried to meet women, out of my area, in various ways. I've actually met two women, in person, and neither was long-term material. In fact, the first simply wanted to go to a motel in the second wanted to go to motel after she called her husband to tell him where she was going. Needless to say, I don't pay to join.

Usually, if it says adult, it's a scam. If the person sends you a nude or pornographic photograph, he or she is either scamming you or just after sex. If you happen to have certain paraphilias, you may be being set up by the police. And in some cases, this can cross into the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. is a co-site with, which is an adult site that is a little better regulated than AFF. Nonetheless, it's a sex site. Plenty of Fish, or POF, and OkCupid are free sites and tend to be a little safer. Neither, as far as I know, allow nudity. Regardless, meeting people is iffy.

If you want to meet someone online, the best odds are if you live in a big city or area where everyone is on the Internet. The more rural, the more likely you are to be scammed. Really, I don't see it any different from the bar scene, sans the drinks to loosen you up.

I guess the biggest fault is that everyone wants a perfect body on the perfect partner. For men, this means a model or porn star. Most women are harder to classify. Some want money, some desire sexual size/capabilities, and some want a Tom Cruise.

For me, I've been a widower for nearly a decade and have yet to date anyone. It seems like no one is interested in getting to know someone before going to bed today. Plus, being older, I am at a slight disadvantage. Everyone likes to use the telephone but I have trouble hearing over them. I prefer the Internet/e-mail, but most people my age cannot type or have the Internet in my area. Since I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I'm pretty much out of the game. I might do pretty well if I could go back to the 1950s. :-)

Personally? If you're on a group like this, I think you stand a better chance at meeting someone. They're more likely to be honest and not trying to score for the night.

Outsider, excellent advice/insight, thanks, I've never been on online dating & now I'm not that interested anymore.

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