Am I worth it?

What makes me worth the fight? ED tells me I'm worhless, not deserving, and hiddeous... How can I believe otherwise. For the past few days ED has taken control. I can't stay on my meal plan. I feel guilty for everything I eat and I am disappointed because of my numbers of daily totals I give to Jan but in a sick way are happy about how low they are and mad tht they aren't low enough.
I keep trying to mechanical eat but ED keeps overriding it! I hate this so Michael. I bought myself some chocolate milk and reeses at work to eat thinking maybe this will get my calories up and I'll be fine to eat it. No such luck. I ha the milk but can't even tough the reeses. I'm so upset. Jan says food is my medicine, but what happens if I
can't make myself take my dose.... She says I am worth it but I don't know how when ED keeps telling me otherwise

I feel so hopeless right now

dont feel hopless dont give up one day at a time one day at a time try as hard as you can to stick to the meal plans its hard yes nothing worth fighting for is easy so the old saying goes i know how you feel but you are worth it your worth it for the people who love you and want you to keep living a healthy life its hard to accept that you need to eat so much when youve spent so long eating so little its hard on you and stressful and for me stress is always a trigger just relax you can get through it this stage is tempory it has to be ive read so many stories about people who won thats what i do when i wont to give up is look for signs of hope becuse every once in a while it will slip back in our life from time to time as we all know but we got to pick our selves right back up and continue growing every slip up every mistake is just a brick on the road to recovery

allee

Don't beat yourself up..doing this without treatment is tough REALLY tough and you will have slips.Try and focus on what you want..your going to slip from time to time.The fact that your reporting to Jan daily shows you are still trying.Its not going to be easy.Ive been through treatment and even though it has helped me get through some of this crap..I still have minor slips from time to time.We are human and we will slip BUT you can do this.Your NOT worthless and you are deserving.Maybe journaling can be helpful...self talk.
Try and have faith you can do it..coming here and shareing is a good step..just try and focus on what you want in your life.
We are here for you!

I know I have to do this for everyone else that loves me. I always do everythig else for everyone but me. Never for myself. I'm tired of the pain...

My boyfriend gave me dinner. And then I never stopped eating and binged instead. I am so upset.

Allee

Have you ever had treatment of any kind for your ED?or seen any professionals for help?If you truly want to get through this I think you could use professional help.I don't really know how long you have been dealing with all of this.I know Jan is helping you and it all comes down to you haveing to take the steps to do all the hard work...YOU can get there.Have you ever seen a counselor for your Ed?I wish there was some way I could make you see that you are worth it and you are deserving...your boyfriend seem to want to try and help and be understanding..it really cpomes down to how strongly you want to be better.For me its something that I dealt with for a long time It took me many yrs but I finally got to that point where I was tired of living with it and finally sought help.Remember this is probably the toughest thing you will ever do...but once you realise you are worthy of more to what you have got out of life and you are WORTHY you will fight through it.

Just try to keep fighting each day is a new day to start over .

Thanks grace. No I don't see a professional, I've never had treatment, and I have no counsler. I never had and right now and now that isn't really an option. When I go back to college I am going to talk to someone there, but that's the best I can do at the moment

Allee,

Those days will happen. You ARE worth the fight! Ed is lying to you, pure and simple; if you believe you're worth the fight, then Ed knows he's in trouble... Fight him! Be mechanical! Yes, the food IS your medicine! You'll have slips. They happen. But the important thing is to forgive yourself and try again. ♥ Keep going. I believe in you. :)

Love,

Jen

Allee, I can really relate to feeling unworthy- I've been having trouble with my neighbors being really loud in the middle of the night and I finally told my landlord but I felt so guilty- but I keep reminding myself that I have a right to stand up for myself- even my landlord said that! I often feel like I'm just taking up space on this earth and not contributing anything but in reality that is not true- I believe that everyone on this earth has a purpose and reason for being here or else we wouldn't be here! I predict that you are going to beat this ED and go on and be of great service to others!!

Hey Allee. I know it's hard to get those numbers up that you turn into Jan each night. I know how it feels to be disappointed with yourself that your numbers aren't high enough but at the same time you're almost proud of yourself. It's so hard to fight this thing. Actually, the word 'hard' doesn't even come close to describing the difficulty of what we have to fight each and every day (practically each and every minute!) of our lives. But I know that with Jan's meal plan help and the support that everyone on this site gives us.....we CAN do it. Keep talking here, getting all those horrible feelings out helps tremendously and keep on fighting! You can do it you can do it you can do it!!!

Many <3's,

Cat

allee & Cat...you can be a team, you know? You both deserve a huge pat on the back for asking for help, and working every day to follow a meal plan...it's beyond hard...this is the most difficult, and also the most important journey you will take in your life...and the most rewarding!!
Hang on for the ride...and keep going!! NEVER GIVE UP!!

HUGS...Jan♥

Here are a couple affirmations that may help in times of feeling this way, they've helped me through some dark times. and please, always remember that YOU'RE ALWAYS WORTH IT
:) unconditionally.

"the only constant is change."
"perfection is stagnent, and life is ever-changing."
"Today i will remember that food is not the problem, and food is not the solution."
"My worth is non-negotiable, I am a good person."
"What am I really feeling?" (when you feeling like Ed is taking over, he's just taking your mind off of your true feelings because he feels you cannot handle them, which is false. He only makes the problems worse.)
"I am calm, capable, and aware."
"I am guilt free."
I hope these were of some help.
Say them, write them down, create your own on good days, and know that recovery is a process, and that you have to witness the darkest of times in order to appreciate the light.
believe in yourself.
your strengh is within, all you have to do is trust it.