Hello,
So I wrote awhile back about trying an ANAD group in my area, so I would like to share my experience. The first meeting I went to I felt completely uncomfortable. We started by checking in with the therapist where you just introduce yourself and talk just a little bit about how you are doing in general. After that the therapist asks if anyone would like to discuss something further. The first time the conversation got completely off course, there was very little discussion of eating disorders and not a whole lot of guidance and focus from the therapist. I left feeling kind of blah about it all.
I decided to not give up though and give it a second chance. The second time was quite different. I guess it is a lesson of "You get out what you put in". The first time I went I felt like there was so much I wanted to talk about but was so uncomfortable and was kind of hoping to just listen to others stories. The second time I went I figured I better share what’s going on with me. I am SO glad I did. I explained where I was at, lots of changes and uncertainty with graduating, recent body image and distorted perceptions I have been struggling with and the strong urges to binge. I had to say to the group though strong urges to "act on behaviors". One of the rules of ANAD is no numbers, weights and we are not suppose to say anything specific like b/p or restricting, but simply put it as "behaviors". Sometimes people break this rule and as long as the group feels ok with it, it is fine. I mean it is important for me to know what we are talking about here and to not tip toe over the topic at hand and to not be over sensitive to triggers. However I totally respect the no numbers, calories, weight thing.
Anyways the therapist I felt was really engaged after I spoke, which was a pleasant surprise, seeing as how I thought she lacked being engaged and focused last time. She gave me a helpful suggestion and some members of the group gave me some positive suggestions as well. I left feeling great for speaking, being understood and validated in a way I have not in the past.
So all in all I think you really have to put yourself out there and take risks to get benefits from a group. It was very interesting being in a room with these women (and one man!) who have very similar experiences. I have not had a lot of these kinds of experiences. I am used to feeling very alone with how I feel when working on the ED (like in therapy) where there is only my understanding and perspective. It is refreshing to hear others perspectives who have very similar understanding to the feelings and emotions.
My anxiety has always been super perplexing to myself and I actually related to a girl there whose anxiety resembles my own. So much for feeling like I am freak with some kind of weird unusual anxiety issues. It was comforting to know I am not quite as alone as I once thought.
One thing however that was made very clear to me is where people are at with their disorders compared to me. I know I should not be using comparison or judgments but it is only natural. I feel I am in a very good place with my recovery. I am eating intuitively with some occasional binging. I am no longer in therapy since I moved, but all in all feel like I am doing pretty well. It is more anxiety and emotions related to ED and not ED behaviors for me. All of the other members of the group are in active outpatient treatment. The hospital we meet at has an extensive eating disorder program, it sounds really good. It has inpatient, outpatient, nutrition, psychology and psychiatry services. There were two members there who were participating in the outpatient program where they were at the hospital all day and decided to join this group as well. There is one girl who was recently hospitalized and of course I can't help but see the emaciation....BUT I do not want that. I do not look at the thinness with envy. This is new I think and makes me feel good about where I am at. Anyways, I do feel like as a whole the group is very active in their disorders, where as I am very inactive. But I think it’s still ok that I go and get the help that I need for where I am at.
I am happy to see the progress I have made and happy that I was open this week and received some good support.
A little long but thanks for listening all :)
Namaste