Angel and Devil

Tryin to make a long story short without seeming rude ! :) I am in a relationship with my second cousin, legal and church wise we are doing nothing wrong. his family has embraced me, mine have abanded me and my 2 lovely sons, for shame reasons and also my partner has a very troublesome past with women.

He can be an absolute joy in my life and my sons too, he i am 35 my partner 33 and my sons 9and 17. My 17 yr old has changed so much for the better in confidence in himself as my partner brings him to the gym and chats to him like a friend. My younger son has a love hate relationship with him as i know my ex is playing games with his head (dont worry this is being sorted out)

We have been together almost a yr now, my partners son stays in my home two nites a week and it really is lovely.

The problem is my partner can go on drink binges and becomes very aggressive, its very frightening, never when his own son is here. He has hit me once, i struck him first i am ashamed to say because he said so my hurtful things to me.

He has a huge sexual past, i made it clear i would not be with him if he was with others.

He is not working as his trade is building and the recession here is terrible.

bottom line it might be only once a week he drinks but this can sometimes go onfor days with his younger friends. He does not call me. He has his own apartment so we are not living toghether. as such but he eats here his washing is done and his son stays here.

am i being the easy target here, what should i do

Wow, you're in between a rock & a hard place for sure, I've been dealing w/this type of behavior for 19yrs (my husband is bipolar/schizoid, BPD, alcohol dependent, the list goes on)you need to take care of you & your boys regardless of whats goin on w/him otherwise there could be larger ramifications (people LEARN what the live in & see) this is not a person you should have around you or your family, the price you will pay later on in life from the guilt/emotionally abuse etc will take years to learn how to rid yourself of & especially for your family (I learned this fact the hard way) I suggest you get out of the situation QUIETLY, dont talk about it w/anyone, dont explain yourself to anyone, act like everything is normal/the same & start putting something into motion for yourself & family.... We'd like to believe that some days w/these kinda guys things feel good for a moment/day/week etc but the patterns there, you must take care of you......
I'll be thinking of you.

April

hi hon welcome to support group

its a loaded gun waitin to go off, anyone who has a problem with drink or other things is unprdictable, and as u found out violence is met with violence, never good because it causes huge emotional problems that have to b dealt with later, guilt messes people up quicker than anything.

if he only eats and gets his washing done and u babysit his son are u sure u are not the housekeeper.

i no the recession is screwing loads of relationships up even those that seem to b ok on the outside are suffering, but u owe it to yourself to put you and the boys first. commumicate calmly that he needs to do something about his drinking or u and the boys will b off limits, again i no this is easy to say and hard to do but the consequences could b dire.

keep posting and chattin

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes

Hi Aurora, thank you for sharing your story. I understand your predicament, because the good seems quite good, though the bad very much out-weighs the good. He is severely affecting your health and well-being, as well as that of your children. His behavior could have a detrimental long-term affect on your children's psyche. And, it the unpredictability of his behavior that makes it all that much worse. I recommend keeping him far and away from you and your family until he seeks serious help and proves that he's changed. Please continue to share, we are here to support you in any way that we can.

Wishing you all of the very best!

From Substance Abuse to Mental & Physical Abuse