I just came across this page when I was looking at articles for something to make me feel a bit better about myself.
I am a long-distance runner in my teens and was diagnosed with anorexia a few years ago, but i think it might have started a lot earlier than that. I'm finding it really hard at the moment , and every time I eat I feel awful but know I have to eat at the same time. My Mum says I'm doing really well but that makes me feel worse and I can't talk to her anymore because it upsets her. I get bloated after every meal and fell HUGE. My coach says that I need to eat for fuel etc and i understand but i feel so FAT all the time, that I think hes just saying it because he feels sorry for me. I hate how I look and I feel awful if I'm not exercising and find it harder to eat on 'rest' days as I don't think I deserve it. It doesn't help my Dad is also a runner and he goes on a bout losing weight when hes skinny already and tells me I need to eat more than gives himself a tiny portion!
Sorry for the rant :( I needed to get it off my chest, hopefully to someone who understands. What can I do to help? I've had a counsellor/psychiatrist and I wasn't that successful with this treatment?
Hi...I hear your frustration, but please be mechanical with the eating, and keep reminding yourself that this is temporary, but saving your life and being recovered can be forever! You may 'feel' fat, but that comes from the thoughts that you are use to automatically beliieving. Tell yourself that you are having a thought that you are fat, but that it's not the reality, and challenge yourself to believe otherwise. It helps for some people.
In the meantime, remember that today is a new chance to create new patterns and memories. Take care...Jan ♥
Hiya,
Thanks for your advice. It is strange because a part of me is logical but the other half is winning at the moment.Thats a good way of tackling it... I am going to try it out :)
i get the frustration with your dad, someone else eating less drives me crazy too. its like how dare they! i guess you just have to try and remember that they are not recovering from anything and you need to try and think of food like a medicine to make you better, even though you dont like it... a bit like cough syrup??? i found that was a good way to look at it..
all the best xxx
Runnings actually been a huge part in me getting better, and actually gaining weight. I'm a long distance runner too, and actually training for a half marathon. I know and keep telling myself that I know I wont be able to succeed in my running dreams/goals unless I fuel my body properly. Running has become a HUGE love, and passion of mine. I know that being a runner, and Anorexia doesn't mix at all. You can't have both. I have to tell myself that I chose life (like running) over my eating disorder.
I'll try to take my 'cough syrup!' regularly :) It is annoying though and he doens't understand that it makes it more difficult, but its hard to explain if they haven't been through it all as well. Hope everything's well with you too.
Kristin,
Running has made it easier for me too (in some ways). Thats the bribe my Mum uses, as she won't let me run if i don't eat enough. Its strange though as I love running - it just helps me to chill out when I'm not worrying about doing well in my races! Good luck with the half-marathon, I'm tackling a 10k first in May!