"Another Day on the Job"
.
Off the books.
Plausible Deniability,
Disavowed.
Just another f**king Tuesday.
I wonder sometimes how I ended up here.
I always thought in my youth,
I was born to Love.
Apparently I was also born to kill,
Or made that way.
Who can say,
What does it really matter?
The face across from me is like the rest,
These carbon copy Mr. Smith's,
Their dead eyes, plastic smiles,
Immaculate suits, manicures.
Dispensers of Death,
Point and Click.
For a second, the thought crosses my mind,
One single movement,
One Dead Mr. Smith.
Fade off into the World,
The Ghost they trained me to be.
It passes.
I'm given the Job,
I always am.
Few are better,
Or even close.
Yet another South American Drug whatever.
Matters not to me.
I find my targets,
I always do.
Quite simple honestly.
I watch, I wait.
Patterns, we all have them.
I see my moment, I never hesitate.
A lovely home.
Money, lot's of it in evidence here.
I take a nap in a spare bedroom,
Plenty of time.
I never really sleep anyway.
After a time, they come home.
I can hear them talking, giggling, having dinner.
The sounds fade, I follow.
Death's shadow.
Lovemaking.
Passion.
Always was a fan.
I enter the room unseen, unheard.
Standing over them,
My Beretta rising,
I fire two shots,
One through the heads,
One through the Hearts.
I feel nothing.
I wander out to the kitchen,
Make a roast beef sandwich.
Imagine that,
That level of detachment.
I ponder it for a moment,
Been doing that a lot lately.
How did this happen?
How the f**k did I come to this?
An Assassin for an Uncle named Sam I never even met.
A soldier, or sorts.
A perfect storm.
I notice something as I sit there eating,
A single tear hitting the table,
I'm crying.
For the first time in my life.
Guard down,
I hear voices,
Hers,
The Little boy.
I know what I must do.
Perfect Clarity for the first time.
I go home.
I break off my relationship with Sam, his suits, his bloody corridors.
I head off into my new life,
Trying to smile,
Embracing the little boy,
My mind clear,
My heart alive,
My Soul,
Darkened in ways I can never repair.
Will I ever be me again?
I really don't know.
But at least it will never again be,
Just another Tuesday.
5 Hearts
Wow, you have such an amazing way of expressing such complicated feelings- I wish I could articulate my emotions this eloquently. Know that we're here for you with everything you have gone through and are going through! Best wishes
1 Heart
@lh003
Thank you kindly