Another great chat room with some great folks that helped me today with what I think is a break through from spinning my wheels. They helped me see that I just needed to take a step back from the affair recovery stuff, counselling, advice of friend, pastors and doctors and from trying to get our marriage back to normal or super strong and from even trying to compete or out do what she did with him and just step back and relax and let her figure out as best as she can in her mind and with the help of her counselor why she did what she did. I really think this is the last big barrier...we can do all the other marriage rebuilding, communicating etc...stuff...but if she can never get even some type of understanding of what was going through her mind when she made these horrible decisions then I will always be uneasy and she probably will too. Wow it is so simple but feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of me.
Hey there, I am so happy you were able to have this experience and to share your ideas, and thoughts with us. I think you spoke such a great truth. We can do so much ourselves; worry, counseling, advice, action, however we can not make the other person change, or have a great breakthrough. Sometimes we just need to step back and let them learn the lessons they need to, so that we can find our own peace. It does sound so freeing!
Very good way to put it...it does feel nice because I was trying to control something I had no control over and that is stressful and frustrating.
@mountainclimber yes I totally agree. I found after I took a step back from everything, it became so much easier. I was so focused on him and what he was currently doing or had done that it kept me stuck and unable to move forward. I was holding on way to tightly because of my pain and fear, once I learnt to let go those feelings subsided some. I’m learning that I can’t control him and my fear kept me trying. But he’s responsible for his actions come whatever they are and will be. Xxx