Antisocial Low Confidence Old Breakup Avoid Friendships

Hi... I've never done this, but i guess ill give it a try. For some reason I have never had good luck with relationships. I’ve never broken up with a guy, they have always been the one to break up with me. My last relationship was four years ago. I was with a guy for a year. Things were going great! For the first time in my life I was in a relationship and talking about getting married. Not seriously talking about it but talking about getting married “someday”. His friends became my friends, and my friends became his friends. My parents loved him. Things were going great until we went on vacation. This was not our first vacation but our last. He started to act distant the last few days on vacation. When we came back things were completely different. He was very distant, unaffectionate. This went on for about a month before he broke up with me. He said he was not in love with me anymore. I was devastated! It took me a while but I got over it!

Although I have gotten over the break up, it left me with low confidence and zero hope for future relationships. I want so badly to meet someone I can spend the rest of my life with but I am starting to stop believing that it will ever happen for me. My last relationship was four years ago but before then I dated several guys. All of them ended up breaking up with me. It got to the point that when I was in a relationship, even if things were going great I would always be waiting / expecting that the bottom was going to drop out.

My natural tendency when I get hurt is to run and hide. So when we broke up I stopped going out and hanging out with friends. I dropped all my social interactions other than with family members, fellow students, and colleagues. Four years later I have no friends, I still live at home with my parents (I’m 26). Its gotten to the point I feel weird/uneasy/tense when interacting with people. My lack of social interactions just made my low confidence even lower. I get a false / temporary sense of confidence if I lose weight, buy a new outfit, have a good skin day (without acne). Thank God I have not developed any eating disorders or addictions! I have a great relationship with my parents but I need to get over this, move out, make friends, date again.

Hey Sweetie,
It does sound like your first relationship really took from you. I took am getting over an old relationship so i know how you feel.
Right now what i am doing is taking time out from men, just for me and me only. So that means, just interacting with my friends and family, the people that I know love...and I'm not dipping my toe into dating water until i feel ready to do so.

What i gather is you were badly wounded in the first one, which you didn't fully recover from, so you've been constantly in a state of rebound, and expectant rejection. What you need to do is make yourself feel good first and then you'll know that in your heart you'll be fine, so when the next one comes along, you won't have to "feel ready" to leave.

Do you work or go to college? Joining a team is a great way to make friends, or going to new classes like yoga or art or anything really. And it uplifts your mood.

I'm here for you, if you want to chat
Love to you
MG x

Thank you! Your comments are very helpful!

I think the fact that I have cut out all my friendships (beyond family) out of my life is preventing me from healing completely. I think if I interact with people more then It will help my confidence. Its just so hard: I feel awkward, very nervous, and tense around people. I am particularly concerned that my friends will judge me because I have not had a boyfriend in four years and don’t plan on having one anytime soon.

You posted in "depression." I don't mean to suggest that you may have posted in the wrong forum, you may very well be depressed... however, I wonder, what is it about the way you feel that leads you to believe you might be depressed?

Low self-esteem? Maybe?

Depressed? You tell us?

Happy to help.

^CKB

I wasn’t really sure where to post this. My past relationship left me with low self esteem that is greatly impacting my day to day life. I feel awkward, very nervous, and tense around people. I feel like I am constantly being judged and I am never good enough, like something must be wrong with me because I have had a bad history of relationships and because I feel so awkward around people. Because its greatly impacting my life I thought that it might fit in the “Depression” forum.

Wow, you sound a lot like me. I am 30 and it seems like every relationship I get into, starts off wonderful and then as soon as it starts to get a little serious, the guy flips his script. The recent relationship was wonderful.... he was a good friend to me, then after about six months well, it moved into a different direction. There were many factors to it, but right now, he avoids me, every attempt to communicate with him is a failed attempt. Of course, he blames me for being mean and impatient and confused, but I guess after everything is said and done, I just want some closure. If a guy knows he made a mistake and his feelings change, why don't they say it and give the girl some closure. Why do I always seem to find the guys that end up hurting me in the end. I even tried to look for different qualities in a guy, but it doesn't matter. Older, younger, mature, immature, different religious preferences... you would think it would make a difference, but it doesn't. I am starting to think that maybe God made a mistake and forgot to make the guy that would love and understand me. It sucks going in public and seeing couples in love and with their children. It makes me very upset to see others hanging out with their friends and having a "normal" life. You are not alone in feeling the way you do. I sometimes refer myself as the "good luck chuck girl" They date me, move on and get married to the next person they find. It sucks. Huge heart, very compassionate person, sometimes a little too emotional... but don't we all just want to have someone that understands and loves us for who we are... Moments where you just want to be heard and have your feelings acknowledged by someone... that you are worth the effort in the end. I sometimes feel if I had that support there would be days that I could acheive anything, if only someone would believe enough in me and cheer me on as much as I was willing to cheer them on. Why I can't be that for myself is something I have yet to figure out. I have told many people in the past that sometimes they have to be their own hero... to be the one that says, this will not overcome me.... others have told me that this has helped them out. I know I am my own worst enemy when it comes to confidence. I can make others see it in themselves, but as for me, I feel I have nothing that anyone would ever value. Why would any man chose me if he is someone else. I know everything on the outside looks different than what is really happening on the inside. It just sucks feeling so down and low and miserable.