Antisocial Low Confidence Old Breakup Avoid Friendships

Mental Health Anxiety & Panic Disorders
1

Hi... I've never done this, but i guess ill give it a try. For some reason I have never had good luck with relationships. I’ve never broken up with a guy, they have always been the one to break up with me. My last relationship was four years ago. I was with a guy for a year. Things were going great! For the first time in my life I was in a relationship and talking about getting married. Not seriously talking about it but talking about getting married “someday”. His friends became my friends, and my friends became his friends. My parents loved him. Things were going great until we went on vacation. This was not our first vacation but our last. He started to act distant the last few days on vacation. When we came back things were completely different. He was very distant, unaffectionate. This went on for about a month before he broke up with me. He said he was not in love with me anymore. I was devastated! It took me a while but I got over it!

Although I have gotten over the break up, it left me with low confidence and zero hope for future relationships. I want so badly to meet someone I can spend the rest of my life with but I am starting to stop believing that it will ever happen for me. My last relationship was four years ago but before then I dated several guys. All of them ended up breaking up with me. It got to the point that when I was in a relationship, even if things were going great I would always be waiting / expecting that the bottom was going to drop out.

My natural tendency when I get hurt is to run and hide. So when we broke up I stopped going out and hanging out with friends. I dropped all my social interactions other than with family members, fellow students, and colleagues. Four years later I have no friends, I still live at home with my parents (I’m 26). Its gotten to the point I feel weird/uneasy/tense when interacting with people. My lack of social interactions just made my low confidence even lower. I get a false / temporary sense of confidence if I lose weight, buy a new outfit, have a good skin day (without acne). Thank God I have not developed any eating disorders or addictions! I have a great relationship with my parents but I need to get over this, move out, make friends, date again.

2

I understand how your feeling because I've gone through the same things and i still struggle with those feelings every once in while. Its hard to put yourself out there to make friends and be in other relationships but you have to try if you want it bad enough. im very shy with low confidence and i have a real hard time making new friends but i learned that i just need to break out of my shell. it might feel weird at first but it gets easier with time. if you need a friend you can always hit me up.

3

Thank you so much! This really helps!

4

mdeatta

i understand your hurt. i know how hard your situation can be. but, there are more fish in the sea. and better ones too. maybe you should try to regain your confidence before you try to make friends or relationships. i've noticed that poor confidence and self loathing can really destroy your relationships with other people. try that. then maybe you could start going on a social website (like this, facebook, etc) and make friends there. start the bonding process. you'll slowly recover and gain what you lost. but i do want to tell you; expecting something bad to happen in your relationship will ruin it. me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 14 months. we've had our ups and downs, like every relationship. but after i stopped thinking everything bad was going to happen, we grew closer and fixed our problems. i know everyone is different, but maybe this advice could help you. i hope it does. but hey, i'm here if you need a friend.

good luck and god bless.