I'm like you kinda. I'm 27 and have been pretty much stuck home for almost a year. I used to go and do regualr things and feel normal about it. Now I can't seem to ever leave. The idea of it makes me panic and I start to o.c.d. out hardcore. Its to the point where if I do ened up making it out of the house, I'm usually extremely late to where ever I'm going. In all it seems to take me over 2 hours just to shower and dress and leave. I had to quit work last year because of it. I couldn't ever be on time and then I started developing an anxiety about work all together like something bad would happen. And sometime my axeity gets so bad, ill get dressed and ready and take forever to do so and then ill ge t so scared to even leave. I don't have many friends anymore because of it. And the ones I do have tell me there worried about me. I have depression issues too and this just makes me all feel worse. Like I'm a **** up. Idk what to do. I hate the idea of thinking about how things will be for me in the future. It seems to just all keep getting worse. And life in gereneral seems to be really failing for me. I'm almost embarassed to talk to people or go out. I don't have a facebook because I don't want old friends to know what's become of me. I wasn't even like this 2 years ago. Not at all. Now I can't do anything with out getting good or bad feelings about it. Flashes of green and red. I hate it. Meds only do so much and I don't even think I'm on the right stuff. And I can't seem to find theripy or anyone to talk to. And the few I do talk to about it almost pick on me or with girldfriend, they find it cute at first but annoying by tthe end. I feel like the last two girlfriends left me because of it. I feel litteraly like I'm free falling into a down ward spiral. I don't know if I can deal with this for another year or two. Idk. If I don't if ill be able to deal, idk... I don't want to be one of those crazy people on the streets no one loves anymore. I'm afraaid. Feel alone on this anymore... idk...
Just read your post - I am sorry you are having these experiences - but, the one thing I want you to remember is
that where you are right now is a temporary place. Try not to plan the rest of your life around these feelings. I know that its hard - but, try to focus on one thing at a time - one day at a time. If you do not - you will remain overwhelmed!!!! Your strategy will change. Think about it, pray about it, just try it!!! (Remember: temporary)
Take good care....
But that's hard to do. Like I just live aimlessly? But when I do thnik about the future it all get to me. I don't want to turn a blind eye to something. That could happen later. Idk. That's almost why I feel like if I can't stop this in a year or two, I just don't know how ill be able to take it. Like I almsot can takingit all now. Life has change so much for me in two year like it has for everyone. But my life got worse. And now I'm stuck. In my room. I can't take it. I can't imagine how worse I will be later. If its what the future holds for me. Being depressed and alone and o.c.ding out to a new leafe and hearing voices and seeing flashes of colorrs, I won't be able to deal with it anymore. The past two years and actuall almost three now have bee a depressing hell. I'll try temperary thinking for a few days. I have a feeling this just won't be do a ble any way. My mind just won't quit.
Hi, do you have health insurance?
It sounds like you need to tell your doctor about all this, especially the flashes of lights suggests that something might be going on in your brain, causing ALL these symptoms.
If this came on that suddenly, or became overwhelming at a point, when it wasn't such a problem 2 years ago, they should look for an organic cause, and you should definitely get a blood test, as well as an MRI.
For me, I always had a hard time leaving and getting out the door, but it kept getting worse and worse to the point where I'm basically housebound now. When I was first mis-diagnosed with depression, anxiety, etc, my thyroid levels were "borderline" low, so they ignored it. Now, like 15 years later, I have a growth on my thyroid and the levels can STILL show up as normal, although extensive testing showed that it's working in overdrive, causing me to feel panicky and scared and fearful almost all the time!
Definitely ask for a Neurologist! And insist that you get the right treatment from your doctors, and demand that they investigate this further and send you to specialists, etc.
I think once they find the source, your fears will lessen dramatically.
I hope this helps. Also, do try to remember that this IS temporary, this feeling will pass. Please feel free to write me.. I'm alone and isolated too, and it drives me nuts! lol...
Amen!!! I dont remember her saying whether she had been
to the doctor - but, that was great advice Precious2!!
Hope you are better as well!
I did get jumped last year at work.(used to work as a bouncer) It did seem to make things soo much more worse. I got hit in the head a lot for a good ten mins with bar stools too. I'm afraid too though cause I was thinking about joining the army before all of this. I'm afraid to see a doctor for all of these symptoms. I'm afriad they would have me commeted or pu5 on a hard drug. When I think all I need is threapy. I have no insurance. So this is why I jointed this site. Because up into last week, I was alone on this all together. Like this site and people like you that repsond to me have been helping me out soo much its almost unreal. But idk. Like I am starting to feel like I might be past the point of being normal again.. idk. And that's equally as depressing as having to deal with these issues in the first place. I kinda do see a doctor in secerrt. That's how I get my meds now. I just have to pay for them full price. Idk even know if they help.
I related to your problems soooo much. everything. I suggest meetup.com. It has all kinds of local groups for all different kinds of activity and people meet and do things together. I also found a great support group in my area. I have used these groups to help force myself to challenge my fears. Going to movies is my favorite bc it's not as intimidating socially. Also I went to a bonfire on the beach and that was good bc it was of course nighttime and I felt like I could "hide" a little bc it was dark out, but I was still sitting in the circle around the fire. I also go to a group that meetup to play games...all kinds, board games, tv games, card games, dominoes...We only do it once or twice a month but I feel comfortable w/ them FINALLY after 10 months of going. I even boarded the organizers dogs and watched their cats when they went out of town.
But the important thing is that I did this for two years, I canceled a lot of my rsvps bc of anxiety at last minute and I am LATE for everything!! I was ready to give up on it but kept doing some of the easier things and omg! I have gotten over the worst of it and I have real friends now, esp from the support group I joined. It has changed my life but I had to keep doing it even when I felt it was never going to get easier.