Any helpful advice

I have been married for 20+ years...2 children, youngest to start college in September, other child currently at college. I am having trouble coping with the prospect of divorce. My husband is very successful, has a large supportive family, and makes 3 times what I do. When my children were young....8 and 9...he decided he wanted to keep his money separate and closed our joint bank account and keeps all his money to himself. He pays the mortgage and utilities but I pay for everything else..car,cell phones etc. My only family is my children. I have been close to his family for 30 years but they have since turned their back on me. I guess blood is thicker than water. I have worked my entire marriage and basically raised my children like a single parent while he worked long days to grow his career and get his MBA. I am barely keeping my head above water while he can retain a $500/hr attorney. I am scared and lonely and want to believe everything will be ok but I am struggling. Any advice??

Do not worry and do not be scared. Have faith and God will never leave you. If you have a possibility to talk to an attorney, it will be helpful to know what can you expect. Unfortunately, from State to State, the laws are different. Say a prayer when you can and things will run smoothly. Wishing you strength and happiness. God bless you.

Hello- I was married for 29 years when without warning. He left me for his cousin. And yes, blood is thicken then water. I too only have my children. and that is not always enough. I understand that too. My husbands family is going to flip the bill for his lawyer and I had to sell all my jewerly to get a lawyer to talk to me. It is not fair. And you wonder how the hell this happened. But it did. And you are not alone. Talk to a lawyer. And if you can't afford one check legal aid. Read all my posts. You will see the hell I went though when I was looking for a lawyer. But I found one after seeing four and call 25. It is not easy, but something amazing starts to happen. You meet a new friend, someone that will always have your back and fight for you. And that friend is YOU. You will discover a new person. The person who are meant to be at this time of your life. Life is never going to be the same. You now have a new reality. And that is scary, but remember! It is all yours. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here. Message me and I will give you my contact information.
Best wishes Sue

Sue,

Thanks for your words of encouragement...it made me cry. I cry all the way home from work everyday...thank goodness I don't take public transportation...LOL.

Marcie,

Thank you also for your support. It's nice to make some new friends. It seems all of my current friends don't want to be "involved". I have always been there for others, especially my husband's family. It hurts so much since I lost my parents in my teenage years and they are the only family I have really known for the past 30 years. How can people be so heartless??
Catia

When I sit here alone I constantly wonder how someone can just be done with a family. (I just posted my story for the 1st time a few minutes ago.)

It is comforting in a weird way to know that I'm not the only one who cries daily because a spouse has broken up our family after so many years. I do blame myself because I did not love him enough..... but having just visited with his sister & her husband who passed through town yesterday, I hugged her so tight when she left because I didn't know if it would be the last time I saw her..... She cried too because the family all knows we're separated. I try to be happy that my kids will always have wonderful aunts & uncles when they're with their dad. But the heartache is so raw sometimes I can't breathe. They've been my family and now just like that, they might not be anymore if we end up getting divorced. The tears just won't stop.

Dear Sue,
Everyday I pray for all people going through separation and divorce, so you are in my prayers. Faith helps. I always tell God that what I want is a hug and I need to feel arms around me, so I am sending you a big hug. Is there a Women's Center in your state? They are very helpful and lawyers who are connected with them will give you a discount. Go online and look up the law in your state, or find a session on divorce. Again, the Women's Center or a like group should have these inexpensive sessions. You husband sounds like a smart cookie, which is what we all have to be. I don't know how he can have kept all his money separate as he is as responsible for the children as you, but again, each state has separate laws. If it helps, cry, scream, punch bread dough, and feel as sorry for yourself as you need too as often as you need to. Then pull yourself up by your shoelaces and tell yourself that you will survive. I can't think of the singer, but I love the song "I will survive." I have faith in you. The only thing that I know is that there will be intense pain and I don't know how long it will last. I just got divorced on June 23 after 43 years of marriage and 3 years of separation. Someone said to embrace the pain. I would say embrace it and let it go. Write about it, cry about it, but in the end, you will come through and you will be a better person.

It is so much easier to say those words than to practice them, but if you try I will try with you.

hopeforthefuture-
Thank you for you'r words, but I am ok. After a year of hell. I am coming out of it for now. If you look at the posts you will see that I am now offering help to others. I agree that it takes time. And you must let go of the pain. Joy can not enter if pain is standing in the way. I have a 12 year old son who now has only one parent at home. I am going to make **** sure that that parent is the best she can be.
I am sorry that your marriage ended after 43 years. After 29 years for me, I am looking as this is the next stage of my life.

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