Ever since my hubby passed away 7 months ago... My anxiety has been out of control!
I had anxiety before he passed.
Now it is so bad It is physically and mentally effecting my every day life...
I can not even leave my house with out feeling literally sick to my stomach!
Does anyone have this problem? Any suggestions? Please?
My Wife died on 2-28-11. We were only married 15 1/2 years. She died 3 years to the day after her Mom. She was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer in June 2010, Oblation late June, Radical Hysterectomy July 2010 with radiation treatments until late August. Started having symptoms like stroke, Diagnosed Brain Tumors from Endometrial in September, started radiation treatments October. They then said nothing can do, 1 tumor above brain stem, the other in right parietal lobe and the edema from the tumors can not be reduced without brain damage. While in hospital 2 days before Christmas they gave her 5 days to 2 weeks. She beat that. I had to have a surgury in January, so had her go to a Hospice. 4 days later they told me she had maybe 48 hrs. to 1 week. She beat that. I took her home because that is what she asked me to do, wanted to die at home, not in a medical setting.
I took care of her until her death, & her adult daughters came over to help & give me some relief. I watched while she slowly became like a Holocaust victim. She was about 140 lbs, she ended up at 74 lbs.
Every moment is thinking of her, I miss seeing her as I go around the house, I can not say I Love You & get a kiss as I leave the house, I have no one to say "Honey, I'm Home", no kiss hello. No snuggling. No saying Good Night. No touching her in bed, no stroking her hair, not hearing her breathing as we sleep.
I am crying now as I type this, sorry if any misspellings.
I feel I did not do what she wished, I let her deteriate, I hope I gave enough medications to keep her from having any pain. I feel like I should done something to make something better somehow. I miss looking in her eyes, seeing her smile, laying my head on her lap while she ran her fingers thru my hair, I would fall asleep. She would lay on my lap, all those and many other things in our life are gone. I can't sleep a full night, I talk to myself, I cry and try to talk to her.
I am angry. I am dishearted. I am sorry. I am unfocused. I am not motivated. I have family members on both sides very supportive, but I am alone. I know that God has forgiven me for any thing I may have not done for her, But I hope and pray that she can forgive me. I cannot forgive myself.
I miss her face, her eyes, her very existance.
I am so sorry to hear of your losses. This is a poem that has helped me get through my own in case you haven't seen it already, but I don't know who it is by:
God looked around the garden,
And found and empty space.
He looked down upon the earth,
And saw your tired face.
He put His arms around you
And lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful
For He only takes the best.
He knew that you were weary,
and he knew you were in pain.
He knew that you would never
be well on earth again.
He saw the roads were getting rough,
and the hills were hard to limb.
So He closed your weary eyelids,
and whispered peace be thine.
I still carry this around in my pocket to comfort me when my grief becomes too overwhelming and I hope it helps you find courage like it did me. All my love and support goes out to you.
TY Me-As I am Inside.
It is a lovely poem and does help to know that GOD has us each in his care and arms. It makes me feel better to know that she is not suffering.
tick tock
hon u did everything u could for your wife and i know she is watching u and feeling your pain if she could tell u she would say u did more than enough u gave her love and a happy life u stayed with her to the end and let her leave with dignity and respect
anger being unmotivated and feeling alone are natural emotions from grief and when u are ready u will move to the next stages but for now be kind to yourself and know that she is giving u her blesssin for all u are and all u did
so today be kind to yourself and dont worry about not doing enough cos u did
take care of u love D :)
TY domestic
I keep telling myself that I did do all that I could that was at my disposal or ability. I keep reminding myself that she told me she can’t stand pain and we had no idea what the pain level would be.
I was not ever concerned about being kind to myself, that is what she always did for me, as I was ever always doing for her. That is one of the things I miss
dannys wifey
hon its normal to feel a high rise in anxiety when death occurs its makes us vulnerable and weak allowing us to have a coping mechanismn to face the days if u cant get out how about just standing at the door and viewing the area or if u have a garden standing out there with friends untill the anxiety subsides it doesnt matter if its a few mins or an hour but u can build it up gradually and please if u have any other worries post here
have a good day and be kind to yourself
love D :)
me as i am inside
hon what beautiful words and pictures u have filled my mind with thank u for such an inspiring poem to help all that are in need
take care of u
love D :)
dannyswifey
I have myself been trying to cope with this "missing" that has enveloped my life.
2 days ago I was going thru my wife's dresser and found a few little items that she had kept from me. I used to write notes or get just a little something for her. She kept them.
Our daughters were at the house & wanted to go shopping and asked me along. I did.
I must have not noticed (or did not realize it) that I put the item in my pocket.
While out and seeing other couples, feeling sad, getting depressed, I put my hands in my pocket and there it was.
I had her with me is what I felt, or that she nudged me to put it into my pocket without thinking.
Maybe this can help you. Try to find just the little things, even if is something you do not have to look at, you just know it is with you. I plan on doing this for awhile.
Thank you for sharing this with me.
My heart goes out to you too. I am so sorry for your loss. This is just so hard. I know you understand.
So I want to share something with you, cause you wrote this to me and it made me think about something I found in my hubby’s sock drower a little after he died. It was my Claddagh ring he bought me the christmas before we were to be married. I lost it on our wedding day. 7 years later he passes away and i find the ring in his drower. So I wear it now… I find it so strange that I found it like that. I miss him…
tick tock
how wonderful was that gift of love found and recieved to help u once again in such a painful setting, no matter where u go she will be there in essence but to have a note that meant so much to u both is wonderful
spring is in the air and i find myself taking detours to see the things my sis in law would have draged me off to see the flowers and somehow now its just me i have to go do it oh yes its her prompting me but who knows what or who i will find
take care and be kind to u
love D :)