I have finally decided to open up about my problem with laxative abuse and binge eating. It may not be the same as telling someone face to face but seeing as I have never spoken to anyone about this or even typed the words on to the computer, I feel uplifted already as I almost feel a kind of catharsis - baby steps I know but at least Im now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
To tell you a little about myself, I am 24 and live in England, and typically I binge eat at weekends, making up for being "good" all week. I am very aware that I can have the treats that I want but in small doses, but unfortunately my brain closes itself off to this information and I try and fit all the stuff that I wanted in to one sitting leaving me feeling sick and very upset and angry with myself. I always know when I am going to have an episode and pre-empt this by buying a pack of laxatives, and typically take about 6 after the session. Then, I have an attack of feeling even more depressed with myself and upset and ashamed, that I throw the whole packet away and vow never to take them again, to be better and have a little of something if i fancy it...that is until the next weekend.
The reason I have decided to come on here is because I had three weeks just gone where I had some of what I wanted and it suited me and I didnt need to take any laxatives, I didnt deprive myself so no binge was needed...then this weekend I ruined it all.
I want to kick this habit, but I just need some support. Anybody out there?
Hello, and welcome :) It's very hard to open up and admit you have a problem, so congrats on taking that first step. It's also a positive sign that you recognize that it is actually a problem.
I hope you are aware, laxatives are ineffective for ridding the body of the food from a binge. Laxatives dehydrate the body, all you lose is water weight. Maybe 15-20% of the calories consumed, but thats not a whole lot if you're bingeing on high calorie dense foods.
Everyone has slip ups, you went 3 weeks, thats a huge accomplishment! You should be proud. I think as you suggested, when you crave a specific item, lets say a cookie, allow yourself to have the cookie. Dont save up all your cravings for one sitting, but you know that already as you say :) Slip ups happen, but from what i can see, you are in the right frame of mind to turn this around :)
Thank you Gina, its so nice to have support and I definitely know what I have to do.
I didnt really believe that laxatives werent effective, until I went on the websites today and I think I finally realise that and its sunk in. I was reading an article online today, that serious abuse of laxatives can lead to colon failure, and potentially surgery to actually remove your colon. If that cant scare me into stopping I dont know what will?!
Hey Firststeps,
I am so glad you are on here, congratulations for admitting there is a problem going on, that is so brave of you. I also use to take laxatives after a really bad binge. I couldn't leave the house the whole next day and my digestive system would be so messed up from it that a couple of times i had to go to the hospital because my whole intestines weren't working properly...it is awful and I completely understand how you feel.
Sweetie have you had issues with eating for a long time? Why do you think it could be the weekend you may binge? No one around? At home bored? Are you trying to push emotions down with food?
The first thing i would urge you to do is go get a therapist to help you with this. It is obvious that you have some kind of emotionally connection with food and the only way to get past that is to work through?
hi moongal, it's generally the weekend because that's when I either meet up with friends and we watch movies, eat food you know the normal kinds of things that generally don't bother people.I have always had an issue with food since I was a teenager but I did actually
manage to get myself out of it, but I can't remember what got me to stop. I am confident that I can pull myself through this, I really don't want to see a therapist as I'm confident I can do it.I also think that by having the support on here I will be fine. I uderstand the terrible mistake I have made by getting back into this cycle and I am fed up of it taking up my energy. I have so many other things going on that I need to prioritise these and not let food be at the top. I am so greatful for your support, I didn't realise how hard I had been hiding this problem, and to actually write it so that people can see it I feel so proud of myself for taking these first steps towards recovery (gosh even saying that I need to recover is wierd but feels good!)
Hey Firststeps,
Well I'm glad to hear you have such a positive attitude. And remember don't give yourself a hard time about this, that's what this kind of thing feeds (Excuse the pun) on...shame, hurt and guilt.
One thing I would recommend is keeping a journal, they are so invauable, and just write your feelings. You may feel when you are being knocked out of the routine a bit uneasy. Often although it may feel like a habit, we use food to protect ourselves from feelings we don't want to feel...and when this feelings start to be revealed that can hit hard. Mine were anger, hate, guilt, shame, hurt...a lot of it built over years, and I also have had issues with food for years.
And have gone through phases of over exercising, undereating, purging, binging...trying to control the situation, until I realised you have to let go the notion of trying to control cos that's what is tying you to the issue.
I am of course here to offer any support I can, from my experience as much as I tried to do it alone, therapy has brought me leaps and bounds, and I have found parts of me I didn't even know existed.
You're right you need to prioritise...and the top of that list, should be you and your health.
I'm so happy that you decided to reach out. That's the first big step so good job. Be careful because I started out the same as you. Eating good during the week then bingeing on the weekends. I've only experimented a little with laxative use but I know the consequences. I hope you find the support you need and are able to get through this.