Anybody out there?

I have finally decided to open up about my problem with laxative abuse and binge eating. It may not be the same as telling someone face to face but seeing as I have never spoken to anyone about this or even typed the words on to the computer, I feel uplifted already as I almost feel a kind of catharsis - baby steps I know but at least Im now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

To tell you a little about myself, I am 24 and live in England, and typically I binge eat at weekends, making up for being "good" all week. I am very aware that I can have the treats that I want but in small doses, but unfortunately my brain closes itself off to this information and I try and fit all the stuff that I wanted in to one sitting leaving me feeling sick and very upset and angry with myself. I always know when I am going to have an episode and pre-empt this by buying a pack of laxatives, and typically take about 6 after the session. Then, I have an attack of feeling even more depressed with myself and upset and ashamed, that I throw the whole packet away and vow never to take them again, to be better and have a little of something if i fancy it...that is until the next weekend.

The reason I have decided to come on here is because I had three weeks just gone where I had some of what I wanted and it suited me and I didnt need to take any laxatives, I didnt deprive myself so no binge was needed...then this weekend I ruined it all.

I want to kick this habit, but I just need some support. Anybody out there?

welcome to the site. this is a place we all find support in some form. it is a place where i have found no judgment or hate.

i hope you like it here. the people are nice and we like to smile.

Scarlette

we're all out here, just keep posting. we all know and understand the pain and frustration, the shame and helplessness about it all.
so well done for outing yourself for the first time :-) i know it's hard, but what a relief!!

xxx

hi first steps...
first your should congratulate yourself for going a couple of weeks without using the L and know that if you've done it before you can use that momentum and do it again! we all make mistakes and relapse on our recoveries... i, for one, am simply trying to go day by day without relasping (vomitting).

i'm encouraged that you sought help online and finally are sharing this with someone... keep at it.

xoxo,
caroline

thanks everyone it's so nice having this site to go on and I know it will be my lifeline when I need it most. Day one begins :) hope everyone has a fab day xxx

there is usually someone on here who responds at all times of the day. no matter where you live. that is one of the things i love about this place. someone is always on.

Scarlette

welcome to support groups and thank so much for sharing!

love
maureen

I'm feeling good and in control today. I normally am ok during the week, it is the weekend that will tell the story. I am confident that I have a lot of support on here and that i can master this illness...wow, think thats the first time I have ever called it that. Hope all you guys are having a good day :)
xxx

Welcome to the group, and thanks for sharing some of your story with us :) You will find a lovely team of supportive people here for you whenever you need us to be <3

i'll definitely be going strong this weekend too :-) so just post if you wanna share or whenever you need anything!

hope your day will be great too!

love
maedi

I am so proud of you for being able to tell your story. This is such a great site that allows us to finally put a voice to our issues.

The weekends can be hard because the time is not orchastrated like it is during the week when we go to work etc. perhaps you should put that kind of scheduling into your weekend. I am trying to do that and it is not as easy as I thought but starting out with little baby steps like wake up at the regular time, and go to bed at the regular time. Hope this little suggestion helps.

I know you can conquer this I used to do this and although i no longer do I often think of it. so it is like a quiet voice in my head still. together we can work thought this.... thanks for writing and allowing me to speak up as well.

you're right stormfan, planning out the days can help. but maybe fill em with pleasant things (not only cleaning, lol)

and try to keep it felxible so that you don't add extra stress to your day because yo maybe cannot fullfill your schedule. its weekend, not work :-)

that's a really good idea stormfan thanks :) no probs as yet, though today I have been suffering bad stomach pains and bloatedness which Im sure have been caused by the laxs, I just hope I haven't caused irrepairable damage :S
hope ur all having a great day, you are all so supportive I wish only the best for all of you :) xxx

i think it's quite common to get bloated etc with the use of laxatives.
since when have you used them? i think the most damage to begin with is simply your digestive system not working properly anymore, meaning your bowels get 'slack' (they are muscles and need to be trained). but that should be reversible. i'm pretty sure you'd know right away if there was anything more serious but if you're worried get checked out!

xxx

thanks Maedi - I started back using in May this year but Iv not been taking a quarter of what I was through my teens so Im hoping that its just my digestive system sorting itself out. Iv felt better today.

I have had massive cravings all day today and I had to fight so hard to not go in and buy loads of sweets and b/p. I didnt though and I am proud of myself. The only thing is I normally get mid week cravings but I stem it off til the weekend, so the weekend really will be the test.

I did have some chocolate today (a celebration sweet) - but I only had one and didnt go back for more. its funny though, I crave sweets not chocolate.

Heres for the strength to carry on
xxx

you defo should be proud, missy! saying no to ED anytime is huge!

have you planned anything for the weekend to maybe make things a bit easier? i'm dreading this weekend as i'll be mostly alone so will make a list tomorrow of things i wanna do, and then tick it off bit by bit (even if it means cleaning, lol)

xxx

Hope all is well with you all /thought I would come by and offer support to all of you struggling with food issues. Today in the united states is such a huge food day.
I am lucky this year because I am snowed in and can not make it to my families home. So food is good today.

STRENGTH TO ALL OF YOU TODAY

Oh no! You're snowed in?! Where do you live? I'm in Canada, and we've yet to see snow *knock on wood*

I live outside of Seattle in the Cascade foothills. We had a pretty amazing storm. You will get yours soon.