Anyone else who is trying to work things out just have had the wind knocked out of their sail. I think I have just gotten to a rut because my wife is just back to being normal. I have so many triggers now that it is coming to a year when she started her affair. Things are back to normal and she may not be doing anything but is sure acting like she did when she was having her fun. Anyone else feel this way and how did you get out of it!
Well my boyfriend seems to think I should be holding his hands and hugging him after finding out 3 days ago that he has been sexting
@Lonelydays IF you just found out a few day ago he needs to give you some time to process it all. Once you have he needs to be the one that takes your hand and makes you feel loved not you towards him.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Well, to be honest... what can we do when they want to do what they want to do... nothing really. It hurts like hell... if that was me in my worse condition I would have beeged him to stay with me and do something and the more he would probably not want to do anything.
Now, the question is... is there anything that you want to do maybe that will make you lighten up. Why don't we focus on you for a second?
That is what I have told her to focus on my needs and my wants and they just seem to be put on the back burner. So right now I think I am just going to do me and make myself happy. It just seems like we are going back to doing our own things and being apart which is not a good way to re kindle a broken marriage.
DRPR I need too your right it's shouldn't be about making him feel OK and he doesn't get that
1 Heart
I do not get why the ones that Cheat think that they are the ones that need to be comforted.
2 Hearts
No idea and I tried to be strong so I don't have to explain to others around
1 Heart
@Lonelydays I am sorry you are dealing with this! Best advice someone gave me right when I found out is that it is no ones business but yours and his. I really hope you are able to get past this, I wish you both luck. If you need anything do not hesitate to comment or email.
dealing with it as well. still haven't figured out how to get past it or throught it. @drpr
@allbymyself78 Sorry to hear that how long has it been since you found out about it?
Thank you so much I just found this group of amazing ppl it's it's helping so much already
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@drpr well a child resulted from it and that kid is now 10 yrs old and i just cant bare the site of my husband but i haven't been with anyone but him since we were in highschool and i just don't know how to live with him not being in the picture. its hard to explain but there is a real strain on our relationship and we have been married 11 years now. i just wish i could wake up and it all be a dream. don't ask me why i didn't just divorce and move forward. i am still seeking that answer myself. =(
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Communication is the biggest and hardest thing in a marriage to find especially especially under these circumstances. If he is not aware of what is going on then that needs to know how you feel no matter how hard it is. I just went off and told her how I felt a few day ago, I should have spoken to her instead of arguing about it but we can not hold our feelings sometimes and just have to let it all on the table.
no professional help as a couple. i go on my own and all the therapists asks is how does that make you feel? i feel like going to sleep and not waking up sometimes especially during the days he does decide to go hang out with the little boy. i hate it. i am still so very devastated by it and he knows it because i never let him live it down but when he is home with me and the kids and doing family things with us i pretend for the sake of my daughters. the worse part of it is that he has never even gone for a paternity test with the little boy. the whole thing is outta control. i don't understand why people have to cheat and not just be content with what is right in front of them. how are you holding up now and how about your daughter? is she aware of the situation btwn you and her mom
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@allbymyself78 what situation between me and her mom? She is little and does not know anything I take it one day at a time. Right now it is hard because it is coming to around the time it all started so it is triggering feelings in me that I do not know how to handle them right now.
Wow DRPR, you are a forgiving person. Not sure I good be that forgiving and I feel like my partner is cheating on me as well, and yet I am still here. What makes us humans such glutton for emotional and mental pain? It is as if we believe we aren't worthy of love, respect, trust and devotion. I am drowning ina relationship of 12 years, where my partner has just.completely cut me.out of her life, but refuses to say she wants to end us. She.goes out by herself without me and the real heart breaker today was her birthday and she made plan and did not invite me. WTF???
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Sorry Drainey that is messed up also. Don't know why we stay when we have been hurt so much. I can only speak for myself but I know I can't just leave I need to try and that's where I am now trying. If this does not work or change then I need to walk. I can't be here 3 years down the line still dealing with this crap
1 Heart
Sorry to hear...in my case she started acting weird again after a year and I found out she was trying to contact the om...she says he wouldn't speak to her but it was enough to destroy all that we had rebuilt. Give it some time...hopefully it is just hyper-vigilance but I learned to not ignore my instincts if I kept getting that feeling over and over. Maybe it is the point where they either put it all behind them or try to hang on to the fantasy...not sure and don't think I will ever make sense of it. I hope your instincts are wrong this time...it is near impossible to recover after a second betrayal even a little one.