My profile pretty much says it all........I am a mom of a child with behavior and emotional problems, I have been dealing with this for a few years now and my son is now in placement. So now instead of worrying about him and what each day will be like when I wake up depending on how he feels......I worry about how he is doing.....I miss talking to him and I sit and count the days till he has a phone call or I can visit him. I struggle with the reasons why he is like he is and I struggle with thoughts of what things will be like when he gets to come home. Anyways I would just like people to talk to who may be going thru the same things or even something similar. Any support and comments and friends would be appreciated.
I don't have troubled teens yet, but I'm sure I will I have a 12 with autism, he sweet right now but as he gets older I'm sure to incounter some intersting behavors. I was how ever one of those teens. I was angry, suicidal and violent. I did grow out of it but it took time. Nothing my parents could have done would have changed it only I could. As long as you keep on loving and beening strong he'll adventually come through. Once his brain growth regulate, he start to think a little clearer and hopefully reasoning will return.
Best of luck to you and your family.
~Raydee~ Thank you for the reply,it is good to know that with time my child can become a positive active part of society. I am guessing you dont have easy days either, I guess no matter what the situation is we are blessed to have the children we do, they were meant to be in this world and our lives for a special reason. God Bless and Good luck to you and your family.
I'm in, but am At work on break so I will post more later.
Maryha…I am looking forward to talking more to you, have a good evening and Thank you for replying.
JenRose, I'm sorry that you are not able to be with your son and are going through this rough time. All three of my children brought different challenges. My eldest was terribly violent from toddlerhood on into her teens. She was out to hurt anybody and everybody when she got mad. She was especially attracted to hurting her sister, occasionally she'd go after her brother if she couldn't get to her sister. At 15, she got to the point where she was so violent that she threw a hammer at a neighbor child and whipped her sister with a cable across the back of the leg and neck. We decided at that time that it would be best if we removed her from our home. We sent her to live with her favorite grandmother. It was the hardest and best decision we could've made. We found out that she was bipolar and once she was put on medication and grew up some more, the anger started to disperse more. She's learned coping skills and has learned to take a time out, take a walk and cool off and not react physically like she used to. She's now 22, off meds, and is doing wonderful.
I've been hospitalized for mental health reasons so many times that I am ashamed to say. All of these hospitalizations had affects on the kids. I believe that it affected my son (20) the worst. He is totally different with his friends, laughing and so on with them and then when he's on his own he's a dare devil jumping his car as any young guy would. When he's around the family he's shut off, no emotions. He's in the Air Force now and he's been in for 2 and a half years. If you've seen the military portrayed on TV being very stiff and unemotional, that's him. He's been like that since jr high. I miss my fun loving son. I fear that I've done this to him. I don't know how else to describe him other than a butt head because it's easy to see how he butt heads with people that don't strike his fancy. Then there's his soft side, if I'm ever sad or hurting in any way, he's the first one to come and comfort me. I think that's what I miss the most. I rarely hear from him now. He's stationed in Alaska and he's drowning himself in videos and video games. But he's a good kid.
My youngest (19) is vengeful. I left the kids dad in 96 and the state took the kids for a year because my husband and I were in different psych units at the same time so we couldn't care for our kids so they took them. He got custody and the kids while in custody of their aunt (state gave them to her) were told that I left them not him. After 5 years, we got back together in 2001. Once the family reunited my two oldest were happy but from then on my youngest refused to tell me that she loved me. She did everything to make my life a living hell. She'd yell at me, she'd tell me to shut up, she told me I wasn't her mother that real mothers don't leave their children and so on. But just like her brother, when I was in the hospital and just home from the hospital she'd soften up however for her it was only for a day. Then in May of this year I left my husband for the final time and suddenly she started telling me she loves me and she misses me. She is living with some friends and her boyfriend and has told her father and I that she has a new family now. We will always be her family but she has a new family and she needs to move on.
So each child reacts differently to stressors in their life. My eldest it was her mental illness, my son I believe it was trying to live up to his grandfather's military lifestyle at a young age, and my youngest of the insecurities she felt when I left and the feeling of not being loved when she was.
~Mom 1969 ~ Thank you for sharing your story with me, it makes me realize that not only may my sons bipolar affected his life, but also some of the things that has happened due to situations that we as parents can not control has also affectted him. But it is good to hear from someone like yourself who has been thru rough times and made it thru…So Thank you! I hope that you and your family are blessed each and every day no matter where in life you may be. God bless and you are welcome to share and talk with me anytime.
Thank you for replying and especially for being the FIRST. As always in joining a discussion group, you wonder if anyone will get involved or (particularly in this case) can possibly relate. No matter the level of issues (or even stuff we might not label issues), being a parent is scary and unpredictable! As a mother of 3 (1 boy 2 girls) and grandmother of 2 baby girls (on with a MAJOR heart defect), I hope anything I share here will be of some sort help to any parent at any stage.
Thank you for this quote: "People with Borderline Personality Disorder, like myself, are like everyone else, but more. When we are happy, it is more than you. When we suffer, it is more than you." I hope to learn as much as I can about the ways my son “feels.”
Thank you for the replies and support. I thought I understood all I needed to raise and support kids. My first child was a challenge:, in and out of juvie for truancy, running away and drug use, but she is doing sort of OK now, got her GED and is a mom herself. My second child is also doing OK never got into much trouble and graduated High School. Now she is a mom of a beautiful young gal that has a major heart defect. She manages it very well for a new mom and the baby is actually doing extremely well for a child that was predicted to not make it to term.
I had the fear of my 1st daughter ending up in placement from time to time, but managed to seek the support and make the changes our family needed to overcome those stressors. I wish you the best and if you want to know more, we can chat a bit more in PM. :)
I was going to look Asperger's and Autism for my son, due the quirkiness of his behaviors. I am hoping the appointment Tuesday will shed a LOT of light on all of the possibilities and start to narrow things down. I could easily drown in internet reading 24/7 and feel even worse afterwards! LOL I am very glad you join this thread. I am eager to learn more about the challenges and coping skills as we go along.
He is getting worse. I think the event that brought everything into the open has sort of reveled or even caused an psychotic break of sorts. A temporary trial of meds as made some of it a lot worse. hallucinations, manic up-all-night-projects and talk of building a home in “the wastelands.” I have worked with youth extensively in the past and have my own kid issues with my daughters, but this is just WOW. It’s the stuff you read about of watch on TV. Had to stop one of the medications already. He has gone from a great super sweet, who is incredibly smart, but forgetful and dismissive of responsibility type-kid to extremely dark, surly void of emotion, excessively and very easily agitated, manic, more physical and matter-of-fact. Within minutes OR LESS, his is emotions go from “Hey mom look at this!” laughing and sharing to, pushing and then to, hitting if the first shove doesn’t work and dragging tools and random objects back and forth to his room to build locks and such out of objects that can’t really be “locks.”
Well, I need a break and need to get some stuff done, NOT related to this, so I can keep the rest of our lives on track. Actually it’s mostly to get ahead of the game, in defense of what is sure to lie ahead….
I will post more later. My best to you all & I will cruise the site to see I can support each of you in turn. :)
~Maryha~ Thank you fo r your support, I am hoping that my son can eventually overcome all his problems and yes anytime you would like to talk would be great....Have a great weekend!!!
As you might have gleaned from my other post, all three of
my kids are SO different. My first experienced some physical, but mostly mental abuse. The second none, but she witinsssed that time when it the abuse on her sister was not quite squashed. Our third, never saw or experienced any abuse, but was very close with his older sis. I have no reason to think they have spoken of it but he was witness to her very turbulent, delinquent, teen years. Now, he can also very clearly see her struggles now as an adult Other then that nothing really explains this (for lack of a better word right now) break.
What is exciting about your story, is how each of your children, no matter their reactions, have each found something to focus on and help them grow. It also seems you still have some good communication with them?
And thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks for your encouraging words Maryha and JenRose. Yes, I do have communication with each of them but not as much as I'd like but from what I understand, now that they are all young adults they tend to drift away from needing their parents so much and it's hard on me to watch but at the same time I swell with pride. I'm blessed to have 3 children that have turned out so well after all they've been through.
Your so welcome, I believe that is what we are here for is to lend a listening ear,a helpfull suggestion, and some emcouraging words,just knowing that someone else can relate to how we feel and who honestly cares makes a big difference. And I am right there with you on swelling with pride because no matter what they are pur children and noone can be more proud of them than us.
I just wanted to say you all sound like amazing moms. Raising children is very rewarding and challegine. I was such a difficult teenager that when I came to raising my own kids, I was extremely insecure. I read everything I could and question any parent I could find. Unfortunately I'd get some pretty negative responses.
It was almost as if the had never incountered any negative behavior from their children. They give me a looked like there was something wrong with me. It took a long time for me to realize it was pride. It one a of those things that we been told if you have a child you automaticly know how to raise it, being that we are female. The fact is there is no manual, and we would do well to support and encourge each other instead of tearing each other down.
I am not the world best mom, but that what I'm striving for. I don't have all the answers, but I ask them and I think that every mother that is trying is absolutly incredible.
My heart really feels for you. Two of my children have been hospitalized many, many times for psychiatric disorders. I missed them beyond belief, cried myself to sleep each night because they were not tucked into thier own beds down the hallway. But JenRose, there is light at the end of the tunnel! After many years of therapy and finding appropriate medications....my kids are doing FANTASTIC!!!
Both are receiving 4.0 honor roll status at thier school. My son is team captiain of high school football team. Hang in there.....life has a way of turning itself around just when you think you can't handle it anymore. Blessings to you....MamaTo3
Wow I agree: I am amazed by you all too! It is very good to hear that medications do work. Maybe there is hope for any diagnosis?
I hate to ask, but is your son in placement due to HIS medical need for a different environment or something else?
My BIGGEST fear is losing my boy. I have resigned myself to the idea that he might have to be hospitalized at some point, but losing him completely is not something I can’t fathom at this point. He and my spouse are my ENTIRE world.
How are you dealing with it? How long has he been gone? Are you ‘OK’. I assume is it a rollercoaster every day for you. :(
~Maryha~ I dont mind you asking. My son is in placement due to his behavior and that behavior got him into legal trouble. My son was charged in July for simple assault,resisting arrest,disorderly conduct, and possesion of drug perhenilia(possesion of a pipe). He was put on supervised probation in July. My son also has a drug and alcohol problem,he has experimented with drugs and alcohol and came to like the way they made him feel. In some ways he was self medicating, he felt that when he was “high” he felt calmer and not so irritated. Which is a common factor in people with bi-polar and even depression. However he couldnt overcome the temptation of the drugs and since he was on probation( which I thought was a helpful answer to him stopping drugs,along with counseling and alcohol & drug counseling) he couldnt smoke weed,so he had to find an alternative high. One of his friends introduced him to a substance called k2 (it sells on the selves in mini marts and small stores as inscents but it is anything but) K2 gives people a chemical based high just as if they had smoked weed. The chemicals change often in the K2 often as it will become illegal to sale and they take it off the shelves, the company that makes it will change the chemical an put it back on the market. Anyhow I had put my son into the mental hospital for his behavior and because he stopped taking his meds because he said they werent doing anything for him. He spent almost two weeks there, they changed his medication completely and I hoped that he would have a positive response to the new medication and the experience of being away from home. Unfortnately that was not the case a week later my boyfriend found k2 in his room. The next day we decided it was best if we call his probation officer and see what they could offer for help. I admitt I didnt have the heart to call, my boyfriend did it. They immediately took my son into custody from school. They placed him in a “shelter”(which is a minium security placement for juvenilles) and we went to court they held him in shelter until his next hearing(about two weeks).The first night I saw him there he was angry and hurt,he expressed anger but also saddness,he cried when he said he knew he would not be home for the holidays and his birthday in January. But as the days went on things got better. After we talked to his PO about his mental condition and problems, he went to the board to see which facility would best fit him. They came up with George Junior Republic Special Needs Unit. So he is in a placement facility for boys where he is getting the discipline factor buy he is also still receiving counseling and medications for his mental health problems.
So actually my son is in placement because I made the choice to get him help beyond me and the services I could get him. I hope and pray for him every night,its hard having him away from home but I know its whats best and hopfully he will come out to be a better person an succeed in life. He has in been placement since mid October, and he left the area we live in late Oct, So he has been there almost two months now. The program is 9 mos to a year and then we go back to court and they decide if he gets to come home. The judge sentenced him to a indefinite period of time so only god knows how long. I have accepted him being gone for a year but after that I dont know. I have a strong belief in faith and god an that is how I get thru. I write him little notes and send him cards so he knows I am always thinking of him and I drive every other weekend for a hour and go spend 7 hrs with him in a classroom, where we talk and play board games and I take him snacks and things he needs. me and my boyfriend will spend xmas eve with him and stay in a hotel so that I can also spend all day xmas with him.It wont be the same as being hime but atleast we will be together for that I am thankful.
So that is a little more to my story~ sometimes as parents we have to make hard choices for our children. I hope this helps you some ~ Take care and God Bless.
Hi everyone! It is nice to hear some parents going through the same things. I think parenting is so tough. My 15 year old daughter is wonderful and sweet but gets terribly depressed and sad. She has done some self-injury in the past. She does not want to go to school. She is seeing a therapist now and is on Lexopro. I just don't know if it's normal teenage angst of if I should be worried.
I would never say don’t worry. I will say try to keep it realistic. Many times it is what it seems, because our instincts are trying to tell us something. However! It is usually not quite as bad or is completely "fixable. " i should say that I have to keep reminding my self that every day too!
My first child did cutting when she was at her lowest (IMO), since that time she has worked her way into a an almost average adult life. She parties too much and can’t keep a job, but she has become kind and most importantly, has stayed alive!
Best wishes and keep posting!
Jen, I commend you for your strength. Loosing my son for more then a few days terrifies me. Every time I hug him I close my eyes for moment. Just long enough to memorize it a little bit more. When my eldest child started drugs and missing school I turned to the authorities too. She spent some time in Juvie and rehab. It was rough for every one, but in the end it seems it was worth it.