New job, stress... lack of confidence.... no energy to clean my house. I feel like the world's worst housekeeper. My husband and I are in a custody battle with his ex and I feel like it's ripped my heart out. I don't know how to deal. Seeing therapist today. I just want to sleep for weeks until this goes away and the pain lessons. I try meditation, I read the bipolar books, I hate journaling b/c people always used to read my private thoughts and use them against me (abusive exes). I don't know what I want; what I'm asking for, I just know I don't want to live like this forever. I get straight A's, I bought a house at age 22 now it's all slipping away (except the grades, my one main focus). I reach out to my friends in extreme fits of anxiety and sadness but they are busy and have jobs, I feel like I'm a burden on them and like they are sick of the broken record I've become with my sadness, anger, and anxiety. I'm bipolar II so the hypomanic episodes are few and far between. Sometimes I feel so desperate for someone to acknowledge my feelings that when it doesn't happen, I think death is the answer, but I don't want to die.
Welcome to Supportgroups. You said your seeing a therapist today, good for you focusing on what your managing in your life, we're here for you & I admire you & please keep posting so others may learn more alternatives/options for helping themselves, glad your here & take care of you.
April
You know just starting a new job is a lot of stress and will keep you from being able to keep up with every day chores. Then you add on this custody battle which again is a tremendous amount of stress and sounds like there are financial issues maybe? So I'm counting at least three major stressors going on at one time...a lot for anyone to handle. No wonder the house is not getting the attention at this point!:D I am so glad you have decided to post your thoughts and feelings here. This too will pass. I know those words are easy to say and living through these rough times are hard but just keep your relationship with your spouse as strong as possible by working together as a team and all the rest will fall into place.
The custody battle has gotten worse; my husband's ex is using complete lies about my husband as her defense and it kills me to see him stressed and sad. She got a restraining order against him by lying so he can't see his own son, even though SHE tested positive for drugs. Courts on Mon and Tues so hopefully that pack of lies on the restraining order will be thrown out. I just want my stepson to be safe :*( and my husband to smile. And our house is foreclosing in 2 months, which hurts beyond comprehension. I spent so much money on my therapist and psychiatrist I couldn't make the payments. I want to scream "it's not my fault!" I just cry and sleep, I can barely get out of bed or make food... I'm glad to have a new therapist and have an apt with her today. I feel so desperate. I want to die but am not suicidal; just tired of being in pain, crying, and being screwed over by evil ppl when I am such a good person who always tries to help ppl and see the best in ppl. My view of the world at large is very negative.
Your doing ALL you can DO, the rest will take its natural course in time, its already in motion. You are doing a wonderful thing in standing tall & beside your partner through all thats happening & letting people/attorneys attempt to lead all through this situation. The only problem I have with alot of lifes situations nowadays, is that therapists & attorneys WIN & the innocent get caught in the fire, that sickens me cause the answers are always within us, it just takes time to figure them out if we really try & work at it.
April
From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder