Argh....ok here is my story. I was married to an alcoholic(I could change him) for 17yrs. The first 2yrs were partying and experimenting(for me)..I got pregnant and did a 360(alone) he did not feel this was any reason to change.. We were constantly fighting and arguing(when he came home). I was moving out on him every 3-4mos due to the fights AND infidelity. Yes, then I would go back...2yrs after my daughter was born, I finally kicked him out..I struggled financially and he had visitation which caused a reconciliation after about 11 months. Things were good...but started again, my daughter now 4...REGRETFULLY now, I figured if you can't beat him, join him...recreational use for him became daily...which caused me to step back and look hard at what "we" had become and where we were heading... we were losing everything, my new truck our home for the past 7yrs..utilies being shut off...just a financial mess...his drug of choice at the time snorting oxycotin about $1300 a week! Finally, I left him. We sorta stayed in touch for our daughter, he paid a little support and communicated with his daughter. Then, he broke off his relationship and lived with guys he worked with...Partying again, now had no ride for visits so I would bring her to him...then he met an ex mutual friend..and since then NOTHING! We are both ok with this..less stress...which he caused just being present. Well, I have tried to do the best I can, I went to school and became a medical assistant and had a great job. Well, due to the loss of friends from that relationship and the overprotective personality I have for my daughter after all she endured..I had NO social life, and my daughter being an A, B student started to have lots of unexplained pain and debilitating migraines to where I had to get her from school. In which my commute was far and it made tough to pick her up and get back to work, so I would miss the rest of the day or miss the whole day by keeping her home and not being able to safely be so far from her while being at work.
My jobs always suffered and caused me more stress and anxiety, which I found I shared too much with her when I got home...So I decided to try and buy a home and find stability, my credit was 2 points shy of what I needed for a loan and in the interim my parents and I discussed a 2family to help each other...great right? Well, before we found a mutual home, they SOLD their home and now we were all homeless as my lease was up at my apt..so now the pressure was on and since my credit still needed a bit of work, my parents decided to go it in their name...Here's where it gets ugly... the only loans they were eligible for were by location, only certain town qualified...ok. Well since I worked M-F 8-5 and Dad M-F 3-11pm house hunting was difficult until wkends and we were up against the clock as we were living in hotels...Well finally they found a home my MOM loved!!! with very little imput from me, it was on...well this ONE FAMILY home has 2 beds upstairs and 2 down with a full bath on both floors...well the lower level has what once was a under garage, converted to a workshop..that they explained we will finish as a living room/kitchen...Ummm, ok..we could do that. Well, we moved in Nov 1st 2013. All that has been done is..an according type door was put up at the bottom of the stairs(not sound proof) has louvers like a closet door... a fridge put in the "workshop"...and now am being told...we have to be careful, we may not be able to put in a "kitchen" due to the property being zoned as a single family dwelling...so in short an agreement to share a TWO FAMILY home turned into, me a single middle aged mom living with my parents and daughter(home schooled) and no home to call MINE! I basically rent their 2 bedrooms and bath downstairs, my mother makes the meals and decides when and who does laundry and takes showers... I have been put on short term disability and possibly with need permanent SSD, which this was unexpected and worked out since rent is covered in exchange for groceries or help around the house. But now, I am feeling as I did when I was with my controlling ex...my mother does what she wants, when she wants...we fight about her putting things down here for her storage, when in light its being put in MY space, for my living room...there is a garage to utilize and it is to a point, but coming downstairs and storing it is closer and easier...and its become a thruway now from the garage to her upstairs they cut through my living level..and to explain becomes an outraged tantrum on her part. I declined making a meal one day and all hell broke out...stomping and slamming things...my mother is a very controlling and nosey person and if it doesn't go her way or she don't get what she wants "everyone" pays! I knew from day one if we did not have separate living quarters we would not get along and here I am being told how happy everyone is that we live here to help my parents and my daughter told me just the other day she doesn't visit upstairs much cause she feels she needs to walk on eggshells like when we lived with her father!!! I am heartbroken.. my mother is constantly giving unwelcome comments an advice about mine and my daughters life style and relationship...I am truly at my wits end, I am here with the fear my moving is going to put a big hardship on my dad(only parent working) and he is retirement age, but feels can't afford to retire..so by my moving out he is even deeper in with a mortgage we are splitting...apprx 950. each
does anyone have any ideas on how to get out of this huge mistake I have made..due to sibling(younger lives different state) pressure and wanting to do right by my dad??
Find what your gifts are, and turn them into a living.