At my wit's end

Hey, new person here. I am so frustrated I just started typing random stuff into Google to try to find support and I ended up here.

I don't think my self-esteem has been this low since... ever. I'm at my wit's end and I don't know what to do or even where to begin in trying to make myself stop hating myself so much, now.

I'm 23 years old, living with my boyfriend of seven years, two cats, and a fish. I'm finishing up my master's degree and I have a graduate assistantship that helps make ends meet on bills. I don't have a lot of friends, but the few I have are fantastic. Everything on that end is fine.

But... I've put on 16 pounds in the past year. And I KNOW that isn't that bad, but I'm only five feet tall and it's so noticeable now. My neck looks thick, my face is fat, my thighs rub holes in my pants from the friction, all of my clothes are too small... and I absolutely HATE myself. I only eat 1200 calories a day and I don't drink any sugar drinks at all. I have no idea what to do.

And did I mention the TWACNE?? I am in my twenties and I have worse acne now than I ever had as a teen or preteen. I am on birth control pills as of just about a month ago, so I'm hoping that will help take care of the acne problem, but I'm miserable over it too. My face is now not only fat--it's pockmarked, too.

And to top it all off, my overbearing mother does not let a day go by without telling me how horrible I look. If I mention anything about feeling awful about myself to her, she tells me she agrees with me. No help there at all.

So, rant over--does anybody have -any- suggestions as to where I should start at all with trying to like myself again?

Every now and then I try to write a list of 20 things I like about myself. Keept the list with me and when I think of something new, I add it to the list so that it grows.

You are right, 16 pounds is not much. That makes it all that much easier to get to a number that you are more comfortable with. Try going for 30 minute walks everyday. Sometimes all we need is a little cardio.

In my experience the birth control really helps with the acne. Evertime I get off it my face and back break out, and now my chest too. I'm starting back up tomorrow so that will be good. I also use St Ive's Apricot Scrub. I love it. If you haven't, you should give that a shot.

I know what it feels like to hate yourself. I'm in the same boat with you. I can only advise you with what has worked for me in the past: I just say stop listening to the voices that keep putting you down, and create a new voice that loves you and empowers you.

Take care of yourself, from the inside out.


Be of good cheer, it can be tough if you have the issues we do. When everything seems okay and yet there isn't a way to pull yourself up, I ended up here as well after an exhaustive search looking for support and turns out I am going to offer mine to you. When I hate myself(which is often, and I have voices to help me out you know those nagging little thoughts that bash on you? You say "good morning you good-looking thing!" and post 3x5 cards everywhere to remind you you are on your way, your an acheiver, you are loved, you are with someone (try being alone for 10 years all day every day)
for your your three by five cards:
1-Smile and conquer today,
2-I am worthy and lovely
3-Thank God I have...(say three things you appreciate)
4-Acknowledge something beautiful on you right now

That helps I hope! :>