Hi everyone. This is the first blog that I have ever done but I think it will help to connect with people who feel the same way. My stepdad left my mom when I was 14. My mom was an alcoholic and completely worthless in taking care of us (me and my brother). I remember the conversation of my stepdad leaving like it is happening now. I remember feeling like I couldnt breathe and panicked. I had NO idea how I was supposed to take care of myself. I had no idea how I was supposed to raise myself into who I wanted to become. Anxiety, Panic about my future and my survival and thriving.. (PTSD??). Then I developed binge eating disorder and 20 years later I think I can deal with it. But I dont know how.
My life is consumed by fear. I am afraid of every decision I make. I am hypervigilant about every move I make. Not only am I exhausted, all my energy in over analyzing my every move. I judge everything negatively (I cant do it, I dont know how to do it, Thats too hard to do, I dont want to do it) If I have a success I immediately discount it (its not a big deal, it was easy, anyone could do it, so and so set it up for me, etc). When something happens where I dont know what will be next, I have severe anxiety and the only thing that can take my mind off of analyzing the unknown is food. I am not living my life because I am scared of reality.
How can I face reality without escaping?
Anyone have any ideas?
Thanks!!