Back again

It's been a while since i've been on...Things have been hard. I'm hurting myself often...there are days when i don't even want to go to class because i feel so fat. I'm 5'9" and logically i know i'm very underweight...but there is no room for logic in this scewed reality i live in. i've been having anxiety attacks often and the medication my doctor has me on is not helping. I had such big goals. I would start college...keep dancing and be okay..but i'm not okay.

I need help. I'm looking for a theripist, but my options are limited due to who will take my insurance. i don't even know. i'm starting the spiral down. I need it to stop. i can't go back to where i was before i got admitted into the treatment center. I've been in recovery for a year and a half and now i'm slipping. i didn't cut for 9 months and now i'm doing it several times a week. i don't know what to do.

I'm sorry for ranting..i just need to get this out to people who understand.

Is contacting the ED clinic you were previously treated at an option? If you cannot find a therapist your insurance will cover, I suggest going through your family physican and have him recomend someone to you. I know its hard, I dont know anything about cutting but im knee deep into ED right now...all I can offer is support and say that you are not alone...we are here for as long as you need us to be. Hang in there!

no apologies rebekah---

ok rebekah,

i have such fianancial distress right now--you would not beleive it--but im making room for therapy--you know why??? as my fiancee says i see a change in you already and it has only been a month and a half into therpay...

you know how i am affording it??? well, i can just barely--- but it is called a sliding scale----the therapist charges you not her whole amount--but if you are having money issues--she can give a discount. mine gave me a huge dsicount.... big discount. in fact, i feel kinda bad for her in a sense --LOL but no, im glad she did that...still it is expensive but worth it...

look for therapists who take sliding scales..it helps... a lot. sometimes my therapist doesnt even ask me to pay every week but every other week---( i pay double then)

if they are good--they will do that...

love
maureen

I too cannot afford a therapist right now. I have been going to group therapy because it is covered by ohip (in ontario) but I cannot recieve individual therapy because it is too expensive and not convered. Maureen is right though there are many therapists that do offer a sliding scale and will try to accomodate you. I am so sorry you are go through a difficult time right now. I used to cut and it is so scary to have to do that to yourself. Please keep sharing and try to distract yourself to keep you from cutting. Someone in my therapy group suggested setting an alarm for distraction. I think it could work for anything so if you are feeling really down, set an alarm for every half hour or so. I have tried doing this at night when I know I am more likely to binge and it works. it brings you back to reality, grounds you again and then you rethink the situation. I hope that makes sense :) Nicole